Having 3 kids close in age...should I do it?

[BekZ]

Hi Everyone,

I have 2 dd's Sara is 2.9 years and Loren is 8 months. DH and I have decided that we both want just one more bub and I am considering ttc sooner rather than later.

Am i insane???????

I have logical reasons for wanting another bub sooner. Firstly I want to have the next bub at least 12 months before DD1 goes to prep...Reason being I know how bad I am at getting ready in the morning now with an 8 month old. If poor Sara was going to school she would be so late everyday.

Secondly, I love the idea of my kids being close in age.

Thirdly, we are in baby mode now, no need to put the cot down!!!!

Fourthly, I want to be over baby making by 35...and I am 33.5 now!!!

[mbear]

Hey bek

Lots of your reasons were my reasons for having my 3 girls. Ive got 3 under 4.....

Going to the shops, drs, someones home, to the park....the list is endless - its a big job. When Dd#1 is at kindy i feel like its my day off....you need to plan 1 hr before you go out....seriously.
We get up at 8am at our home.....not before.....i struggle to get my oldest to kindy b4 10am !!! DH and i know its going to hit us hard next year when we have to get DD to school. I guess thats why its worked out well having DD#3 now, and not next year. Like you i dunno how i would go have a newborn and getting to school on time...

We had to buy a new car....we have plans thru to council now for an extension to our current home. We bought another cot. Our food bill is well over $300 a fortnight...the list is endless. But at the end of the day you find the money/time.

But yes, its busy, busy, busy. Sometimes i feel like i neglect my little one coz i have to pop her down whilst i make dinner, run the bath etc, etc. My mum would scream at me if she heard me saying this....she says i put every ounce of me into my girls....i dunno, maybe its mothers guilt.

Im 33 too, i wanted my children over with by 33...so guess ive achieved that goal,but a niggling part of me wants to go for a fourth...a boy maybe ????...but thats another thread.....

[BekZ]

Thanks Mbear...Don't you just hate Mother Guilt!!! DD2 hasn't been the easiest bub and everyday I feel guility for constantly telling DD1 that that mummy can't paly right now!!!I

I am so glad that I am not the only one that can't get out the door early...I try so hard but Loren is such a terrible sleeper that my best sleep is between 4am and 7am so I don't get up before 7am. Then I do get organised and Loren will poo and Sara will need to go to the toilet etc....

I know you are a great mum!!!! I guess our attempt at number 3 will be aiming for blue. But if I have a blue then I think he'll need a brother so I'll probably go for 4!!! oh geez I am way ahead. oh and my pelvic floor hates the thought of it.

Re the house, we just up graded and can fit 3. Re car...well I guess we could get 3 seat in our commodore.

Re money...well DH seems to think we'll cope. I have moments of wanting to go back to work, but I don't want to leave my girls in full time daycare.

[mbear]

he'll need a brother so I'll probably go for 4!!!

...he, he,he.....we have it all planned dont we LOL !!!!! Man, if only my DH knew what went thru my head.

Yes, i think about work too. I think about stimulating my brain a bit.....but i realise how quickly they grow up...i cant believe my baby is 1 next month !!!!! To me she still looks like the baby she was the day she was born...(well....maybe slightly bigger LOL).

It sounds to me like youve made your decision. HAve fun with it, great if you have a boy, perfect if you have 3 girls......you will wonder 'what if' at night should you not try for #3, rather than 'gosh why did i have 3?'.....KWIM ????

When you do 'being TTC' hollar my way, i will need to keep an eye on your TTC journal....i have NFI how to make a boy LOL......

[BekZ]

Mbear - We will probably ttc from December onwards....no idea on the boy making either....I will let you know my progress

[Willow]

Gawd, you're brave Bek!! No way am I ready. I'm not getting enough sleep as it is, let alone with 3!! LOL.

Good on you though, I understand your thinking. I always wanted 3 but seriously doubt it will happen now.

[visitor1]

My girls are 20 months, and 9 months.

When #3 comes the gap will be:

#1-#2 11 months
#2-#3 14 months

So all nice and close and wouldnt have it any other ways!

[Anila]

hi, i have 5 kids under 7, DD1-2001 is 7 when she was 25 months we had DS1-2003 he is now 5, DD2-2005 was born when he was 23 months, she is now 3 and was 18 months when DD3- 2006 who is now 22 months old was born, and she was 16 months when DS2- 2008 who is 5 months was born, we are hoping for a bigger gap in the 24+ month gap between 5 and 6 but that all depends. (hope you understood all that. lol)
We wanted them close so they could play and do family things and share clothes and stuff, but we are always JUST on time when we go out, our house is always a mess, and its always noisey, but when they say i love you it makes my heart melt.
What can i say im a sucker for my kids.

[Lucy]

Mine are all close. When Lexie was born I had 3 under 3.

Mine wasn't so much through planning.......Lexie was a delightful ooopsie, but hey, you run with it, LOL!

We did have to move house and a bigger car to fit all those car seats in.

The mornings are crazy fun.......and the thought of getting us all all out the house showered dressed and breakfasted was a shocker.......but honestly, once you do it it a few times, you just get practiced!

(We can now manage 45 mins from up to out........! I never thought that would happen!)

This sounds pathetic, but the hardest thing is grocery shopping. Lexie in the front seat of the trolley, Charlie in the main bit, Olivia running alongside asking for everythings she sees, and not enough room in the trolley for the weekly shop! So I only take them if I really have to, otherwise I have a date by myself in the evening when they are all in bed to shop by myself.........

I say go for it!

[Je$$_84]

i woul have love my 2 to be colser to gether but we had issues concieving #2. My Ds is very out of control and hard to handle but worse now we have DD. He doesnt listen, acts up, always getting into mischief etc. The worst part about them being 3 1/2 yrs appart is that DS doesnt have a day sleep anymore so when Tiahna is sleeping its a struggle to keep him quiet so we can let her sleep... I'm wanting another also and closer together. we only have a 3 bd house that we just brought so we'd have to double up rooms. we already have a large car so thats ok.

I can fully understand the shopping hassle... I have to use the one with the baby seats, there is either none there or if you get one they dont steer properly, the capsule takes up prescious trolley space and no room to put DS in so i can keep him close (he's a runner) i cant imagine what it'll be like with 3 but when i weight up the good and bad my decision would be to go 4 it again...

God the last labour was short and painful and i remember i kept saying "i'm stupid why am i doing this agaain" but after its like "Yes, this is why do do it" i love kids and wouldnt have it any other way... even if that means less sleep, more stress and difficulty getting out the door in the mornings.

[jemima]

Hello!

I have three children with just under three years between all of them - our number three was an oopsie baby so I guess in all honesty even a year after her birth I still struggle at times to comprehend I am the mother of three young children.

Whilst I love the fact they are close in age so can/will play together I also find it extremely hard as I dont feel like any of them get the quality time I would like to give them. I know I probably have fairly high expectations of myself in regards to this but I kind of feel like all we do some days is survive and although I wouldnt change any of them for the world, I do (for us) think that the age gaps are too close. But in saying that you just have to run with it!

I have found that even though they are still only young I have definitely noticed the financial impact. We are in the process of working out what to do re a car - our car fits everyone in but we want to go to a seven seater and we now feel like we need a bit more space in the house - hence some renos.

There are pros and cons for close age gaps but I feellike it does put a lot pf pressure on you as a parent and your relationship with your partner and I know we will get through it but just some days I feel like crying LOL!!

Planning/routine is the key - I feel like ther eis never a moment where I am not thinking "ok what do I need to do to make things easier" eg - if we have to be somewhere in the morning clothes re out, bags are packed, lunch boxes out and what is to go in them in all sorted and inthe fridge. I guess you have to do that even if you have one or two children but it is especially important with three plus!!

Like Lucy said I find the shopping soooooo hard and I cannot wait until they get online shopping in SA as that will make my life so much easier!!

But I love seeing the three kids interact and they two eldest are now at an age where you can converse with them and we get lots of "i love you' from them which is fantastic. I am looking forward to family holidays (we are planning an o/s trip next year which could end up being the worst idea in the world - time will tell!!)

I hope this hasnt come out like a post about me cause I guess I just wanted to say this is what it is like for us to give you some insight. I am sure whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and I wish you the best of luck.

Take care
Jem

[BekZ]

Well I am slightly scared!!! But I am crazy and most of your stories sound like my house now.
I hate shopping with my kids too, although if I just take Loren (8month old) it is ok.

As Loren is only 8 months old I am giving myself another 4 months of exercise and good diet and then we'll ttc. Assuming I conceive easily and I don't miscarry I should be pregant by early to mid next year which makes Loren nearly 2yo and Sara nearly 4...not bad age gaps. DH and my relationship is another major consideration because we have been pregnant since 8 wks after we got married. Like most parents we have not had a lot of time to build a relationship past everyday type activities...But DH wants another one (hopefully blue) and I do too.

Willow - If Loren was a good sleeper I'd be ttc now!!!! but I am waiting a bit longer and crossing my fingers that she'll magically sleep well

[joshnchloesmummy]

Hi bek

it's a hard decision, one that we are currently trying to make as well.... my dd is currently 10 months and the current plan is to wait until she turns 2 to start ttc. I would like to start sooner but we already have a short age gap (18 mo) and my dh would like a bigger gap this time. I think it's hard either way there is no perfect age gap.

[BekZ]

Christina - I agree that all age gaps bring different challenges. I have friends and family who have short age gaps (18 months) and long (longest being 5 years) and they have all had their challenges.

[Willow]

Willow - If Loren was a good sleeper I'd be ttc now!!!! but I am waiting a bit longer and crossing my fingers that she'll magically sleep well

I'm hearing you babe. It makes it hard. We had a bad night here last night and although I desperately want another one, I really don't know if I could cope with this again! LOL. If you could guarantee me a sleeper, I'd sign up tomorrow.

[Phteven]

I guess it depends on your coping skills.
I have 2 and it stretches me to my limit so I wouldn't try for number 3. Although part of me thinks a daughter would be nice I don't think it would be fair on my boys or DH or even myself to TTC a child when I'm fairly sure that I would find myself depressed and overwhelmed after its arrival.
If an oopsie baby happened of course I would find a way to cope but I would be struggling.

[~Aveta~]

having had my twins 6 years after their paternal half-brother was born, and my youngest 3yrs 9mnths later, when he was 12, and being the youngest of one sis 9yrs 8mnths older and other 2 yrs 8mnths older, i personally would say go for having them as close as you can cope with!!! but that's just my opinion, as a mum trying for another when my youngest turned 16 today

[BekZ]

Dachlostar - I have a niggly feeling that I may not cope with 3 right at this moment. If I start to get some decent sleep then I know I can cope. Plus my body has not fully recovered from having 2 kids in 2 years. I still have to get fit and lose some weight. Unfortunately I am not one who strings back into shape after having a baby....
Good on you for knowing your limit.

Dragonfly - Happy birthday to your son. I just read your ticker...all the best with testing