I think about this too Liz. We are lucky to have a really good village (mostly family). But I am constantly aware of not using them 'too much' (how much too much is, I'm never entirely sure). And I do think about what I can expect from them if we go on to have three children. I do think that I could 'push them too far', particularly my family. The ILs would not be at all judgemental (although they all have bigger families) and would help out no matter what.

My mum is my main help. She looks after DS while I work, which is currently one day a week. Until recently it was two days, and I found that with mum also working two days, and both of us having busy lives it meant that we didn't really spend any time together. I think me dropping back to one day will mean that we have maybe one day a fortnight when we are both free to go out and do something together, or just for me to go over there for lunch or something, which is nice. Also, when mum had DS the two days I really didn't like to ask her to do any other babysitting for us. Occasionally she would, but I didn't like to have her do it all the time. She is only 55, but she still gets worn out! My PIL are great with having DS now that he's a bit older, so that is helpful, though I tend to only ask them when we're going out in the evening once in a while. My SIL and her family love to have him, but they live 40 minutes away, in the opposite direction from pretty much anywhere we'd be going! One of my step-sisters is very happy to have him too, but there are a few reasons (family politics ) why I don't like to do that too much, so he only goes there occasionally.

SO, I think about what I'll do during my next pg, during which I'm assuming I will be as sick as I was last time. My mum will help, but can only do certain days. My PIL will help, but although retired they also have weekly commitments. Also, they are about 70, and I'm aware of not asking too much of them. Beyond that I don't really like to ask anyone to do much on a regular basis. Now, if we decide to have a third child, that will be interesting. Chances are I would be sick while pg again. That means two children to care for, although we can assume that DS will definitely be at kinder, probably more likely school by then. Maybe even our second child will be at kinder. My mum mightn't be working then. So that all helps in some way. BUT, my stepdad is currently 73. Not that he acts it ATM, he works a 50 (at least) hour week, and they have a busy family and social life. But the reality is that at some stage my mum may well be busy caring for him, and have less time to dedicate to us. Or not want to have noisy kids in the house all the time with a sick and/or elderly husband. That might be next week, it might not be for 10 years, it might never happen. But it's a distinct possibility. There is also the reality (although I hate to think of it ) that mum will be on her own at some point. Again, that might not be for a long time, but who knows? I know that if she's on her own she would spend alot of time helping us out (not that I am wishing for that AT ALL).

So there are alot of things to think about. My dad and stepmum currently live interstate, but who knows, they might move back to Melbourne, and live close enough to help us out! I have some good friends with kids, and as they all get older we might be able to help each other out a bit.

Liz, I totally get where you're coming from, particularly in regards to your mum's age (and age of the kids!!!). I think that you will be able to cope, even without much help from your mum. Given that your current kids will be older, maybe at school/kinder etc, you will have more time on your own (with your pg belly, and then baby of course!). Help, particularly from family, is almost always welcome, but many survive without it. Yes, they probably do it harder than those who do have help, but they survive. I'm sure you would too

ETA I just realised how long this is!