Yeah, I agree. I wouldn't leave the kids with mum like that. As I said, the only regular thing we have is her coming up to help with swimming lessons, the rest of the time is her popping in, or me popping in there, and we have a cuppa together, and it's a change in company for the kids. Tallon's at a good age now for her to take for a few hours, he's toilet trained, he likes to sit and do puzzles with nana or help to cook or something like that. Otherwise her 'babysitting' is usually with me there most of the time LOL.

She actually offered to have Tallon 1 day a week not long ago when there was a bit of uncertainty with his preschool. She said she'd have him until he got into the preschool we wanted. But I said no. And turns out he was offered a spot anyway. But I wouldn't have done it to her LOL.

I think if I was relying on mum like that then my question would have been all the more important.. because she would HAVE to be considered when discussing whether to TTC. I don't think it's a good idea either that people pop out kids for the grandparents to look after.

However, I'll still stand by my saying I think it's ok to expect support from your village (not talking about set days per week, just general support) I think it would be sad if we all had to feel that we had to be utterly independent and self sufficient in order to have kids. It's natural to have help and to help others. I'd hate my kids to feel like they 'shouldn't' expect anything from me as a grandparent, and that anything they ask of me was a favour. I think it's lovely to have friends & family that are just there for each other, with no score keeping.

Yes I agree things can get off balance, and people can be taken advantage of, but I think in general it's ok to 'expect' some support from the village. And by 'expect' I mean it differently from 'demand'. If I do get pg again, I'll need to call on the village for some help during that first trimester, and I don't think it's wrong to have that in my 'plans' that I'd need some help. The help goes both ways anyway eventually, if not already.

I'll also just clarify that since we've been discussing this I've realised my village is in fact larger than just my mum LOL. So i'm not talking about relying solely on my mum during the first tri

it is hard to make friends, we go to playgroup and we are friendly but freinds??? I am hoping in time it will happen...
I know what you mean. We've been in a music class for 3 terms and only recently really started chatting afterwards (and of course now we've changed classes coz of preschool times LOL.. so have to start again!) but I know what you mean about being friendly but not friends. It's going to take effort to take it past the friendly chat after school and actually invite someone round or something.

ETA: I agree somewhat Cai - and I hope my posts haven't sounded like a take take take from the village, coz that's not what it's like at all And my original question wasn't whether it should be dependent on the support received from the village, it was about taking into consideration the impact it can have on the village. I guess coz I wouldnt' want to be taking advantage like we've been talking. Coz people help whether you like it or not LOL. Interestingly tho, rereading your post.. I've been the same for 3 years.. no time to myself, had the kids with me pretty much constantly, DH & I don't go out without them.. we squeezed in a 2hr lunch for our anniversary last year LOL.. otherwise our anniversaries include the kids. So my village doesn't necessarily provide me with breaks.. it's the support.. the odd meal for the family, chats on the phone (or net ) and more often than not, it's a cuppa with mum when she pops in and she sits with the kids. But I don't think you can deny that if you have another baby, you do draw on that support more, and I don't see anything wrong with it.