Yes i do recall your other thread- and i all for you sticking to what you feel is right for you and your dd. Dont let him guilt you into calling him- and can i say that without knowing either your bro or your father- it seem like since your bro has had contact with him he is getting an attitude and being very arragant and rude- the exact influence you dont want.
its not easy- but stick to your guns amd make it clear to your bro that your not budging and the more he hassles you the less likey it will be that you will change your mind. Let him know If you ever DO decide to make contact with your father it will be because you feel the urge and want to- not because someone is hassling you to do it- that is no way to start a connection with someone- you need to want to- not be made feel like you "have" to.
Starbright is dead on at the end there. Its not going to do either of you any good to be forced to call - the only person it makes happy is your brother. You dont want to talk to him, and he is not going to feel great about talking to someone who has been forced to call him. So while I am sure he has the best intentions with his request, it would make 2 people he cares about extremely uncomfortable and leave them both with resentment over the call. He needs to back down without blowing up.
But if he wants to carry on like a pork chop, then there is little you can do but 'take a break' from him. Clearly logic and reason isnt entering into his thought patterns right now so there is no point trying to explain it until he has 'calmed down', iykwim?
Oh Jenni, I hear you girl. I am getting married next year and my brother and dad won't be invited either. My brother has turned into a nasty piece of work and my dad is also an alcoholic. I really couldn't be bothered about the hassle they will bring so they don't get an invite.
If you don't want to talk to your dad then don't. Don't let your pushy brother bully you into it. Tell him to pull his head in and mind his own business.
Don't stress over this and enjoy your peaceful wedding
My Mum had no contact with me for 13years ... and my Dad for 8years ... i was & still am a wonderful caring & thoughtful daughter i honestly think any parent would dream to have me as their daughter (well, that's what my much older friends tell me ).
I stepped back into my parents life about 10years ago with the push of my older sister whom wanted the perfect family which we are NOT ...
I decided to go back as my Dad was seriously & i knew it would make HIM happy (though not so much me) ... my Dad too is an alcoholic but not abuse, infact he makes anyone a wonderful friend, sadly he just never made for a great Dad, but i do love him regardless.
As for my own Mother ... that's another story
So, i guess what i'm trying to say is DON'T do what feels uncomfortable with you ... DO just as you are with what makes you happier even if it means there be NO contact with certain relo's ... the emotional pain &/or stress will always over-ride the blood is thicker than water saying ... GO with your gut instinct JUST as you have been & yeh, don't let anyone (also meaning your brother) tell you otherwise.
Just to add a story, ... when my older sister got married years ago my Dad got so drunk at the Wedding & he just couldn't help himself as an alcoholic can't with grog around them ... was so embarrassing for not just my sister the Bride but all of us related to him ... so i think your reasons are so valid !!
its not easy- but stick to your guns amd make it clear to your bro that your not budging and the more he hassles you the less likey it will be that you will change your mind. Let him know If you ever DO decide to make contact with your father it will be because you feel the urge and want to- not because someone is hassling you to do it- that is no way to start a connection with someone- you need to want to- not be made feel like you "have" to.
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... so i think your reasons are so valid !!
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