I have a little experience in this, so i will share what happened to our family last year...
I got a phone call from my sister one evening, she was clearly upset and asked to come over... i assumed that she had broken up with her BF, but didnt have any reason to suspect it as they were exceptionally happy. Anyway, they both turn up on the door step, so i quickly rule out break up... they sit down and my sister says A has something to say... he opens his mouth and says "so, i have been unhappy for a while (surprise #1) and it turns out that i like udes more than chicks"
They had been together for 9 years, bought a house etc etc... He thinks that he knew for at least the last 5, but has considered the idea for the last 15! One of the main reasons he did not come out or follow his feelings is that he was terrified of how his family would take the news and the reactions of friends.
When he finally 'came out', i think he did it the right way. He told my sister first and then were over at my place telling me. The next day he told EVERY close friend and his brother personally (drove around all day), that way he could explain why he had lived a 'lie' for so long and stop the nasty gossip - he also found that the face to face telling was received so much better than over the phone and gossip.
THrough this, he lost only a small amount of friends, these were ones that were angry at him for doing this to my sister than because he was actually gay. His father didnt take the news as badly as he expected, he just told him that he didnt want to see him with a boyfriend at all (to be expected with such new news)
He also saw a councilor before giving the news to my sister, to give him some 'tips' and prepare him and then also saw a psychologist afterwards to help through some of the issues that arose within himself (mainly the guilt of dumping my sister and shattering her life)
9 months down the track, he and my sister still talk (i am polite but cant stand him for what he did to my sister) he has the same circle of friends, but is also now in a new circle that has developed through him exploring his sexuality further
I congratulate your Stepson for coming out at a younger age, I think that he will struggle at first, but hopefully there is so much more acceptance of him and his preferences...
Like others have said, you cant come out for him, he needs to do it himself and i think that he would find the reactions to be better this way. Why dont you offer to be there with him as a support - but it might be better that you dont discuss that you already know, i know that my DH would find it threatening to know that i was told first if the situation was ours.
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That's very encouraging!
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