What influenced your decision to only have one child?

[danniellabella]

DH & I were talking about having more kids the other day and the practicallity of it.
DD is now 18 months and I told DH that before we had her, I was so desperate to have a baby. Now I have one and the only reason I ever talk about having another child is because I know he would like a son one day (not that their are any guarantees of course). I still have no desire at all to have another baby and I am really starting to think that I never will. I just can't imagine having another one!

I went through a really traumatic birth with DD and everyone told me before I had her that I would forget about the birth and want another one...well I haven't forgotten. I can still recall almost every small detail 18 months on. I can also visulize the pain anytime I think about it. I am scared of going through that again.

I also felt horrible during the infant months (until I returned to full-time work when DD was 4.5 months old). At the time DD was born, DH was suffering bad depression so I felt like I was dealing with the demands of a new born on my own. I felt like crap because I took longer than normal to recover from the birth, and I hated the way my boobs felt when breastfeeding.

I really hated everything about motherhood from the labour up until I went back to full-time work. This is also why I returned to full-time work earlier than I had planned, when DD was 4.5 months old.

Now that DD is 18 months old though, I'm starting to get questions about when we're going to have another one. I usually give the answer "not for a few years yet" My parents are aware that we aren't even sure if we will have another. We told them that if DD was a boy then that would be it and we would not have any more than one child.

Although my DH would love a son (we have 5 nieces - 2 on his side and 3 on my side), I think he's also half half about wanting another kid ever.

I strongly believe that we will either not have any other kids, or if we are to have another, or even think about another, it will be DH who initiates it, not me.

Other factors in not wanting another one now and possibly ever are: I am the main bread-winner as DH's job doesn't pay very much, and he's also not as employable as me - I have a lot more skills and enjoying working more than he does. Therefore if we were to have another baby then our finances would take a massive hit while I was on Maternity Leave. I currently work somewhere where they give 18 weeks paid maternity leave, and then when you return to work you can return at 60% of your normal hours and get a 40% top up of your wage for 16 weeks though so that would help...only I'm on a contract until the end of the year so who knows what happens beyond that. If I were to get a continuing job for the place I work, then we might re-think the second baby thing, but honestly, I still don't know if I want any more kids.

So, if you have decided to only have one child, why?

[HotI]

I am hating pregnancy, so that might influence my choices in the future. I always thought i would have multiple kids though.

[HarveyBub'sMum]

I'm planning number two as we speak so i'm not much use on the single child side of things. But, you've lovely and young and you've got so many years of fertility left you can easily let it go for five, even ten years before you need to be worried bout having number two. Relax and enjoy your beautiful daughter, get some financial security behind you, build your career and leave your plans open for another later down the track.

My husband also has an illness so I've gone back to work as well, although not full time. I earn equal dollars and I never know what will happen with his health so I'm really focussed on making sure I maintain my own career, keep it up hon, it's not an easy road and it sounds like you're doing a great job, be super proud of yourself!!!!
X

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

DH doesn't want another
House is 2-bed, no room for another baby (honestly, you cannot squeeze another one in)
No help whatsoever from in-laws who live round the corner from us
I'm ill and can't take my medication when TTC, pg or BFing
If we did move around here, still no help, just a bit more space, so no extra child
We like sleep

And this is the biggest deciding factor and the one we tell the nosy people...
Why try again when we have already attained perfection?

(Of course, given that I want more children, the answer is "to try a different sort of perfection" but you may or may not need that answer!)

[fionas]

Well, the decision to only have one child may be determined by fertility. If I wasn't as old and decrepit, I would happily leave it for another few years because I'd be happy to devote myself to DD right now and can't imagine 'sharing' myself. But, realistically, we have to try now or it will be too late.

See, the thing is, things just change. Don't worry too much about the future, things will work themselves out regardless of whether you want to stick to one or you want to go for another.

[danniellabella]

Thanks for your answers. It seems from what has been said that largely the decision not to or possibly not to have more than one child seems slightly out of everyone's control.
For me though, the older DD is getting, the more I just "don't think I want another one" and I thought I'd want one more as she started getting older.