How far would you go?

[Phteven]

When I was watching the Olympics I was struck by how much sacrifice some of the parents have made for their children to compete. Not just getting up at 4am to take them training but in one case leaving the family home, their partner and their other child to move interstate to be close to a certain coach. On another forum I frequent a parent of a gifted winter athlete is contemplating 6 months overseas in our summer to give them the opportunity to train at an elite level.
Would you make a sacrifice like this for you children or would leaving your partner for so long be one step to far?
Where would you draw the line? Or would you not draw a line - nothing is too much to help your children achieve their dreams?

[sneakysparkle]

Oooh thats a tough one... I don't think I could say without being in the situation...

[foreva*your*mummy]

Yea Im the same, I think it depends what situation you are in...................... BUT I think I would do whatever it takes for my kids if that was their dream and they where willing to put just as much effort into it and wanted it. I would defiantly not do it if you had to push them and it wasnt something they completly loved.

[Astrid]

Really don't know myself, but I think DH might have something to say on it. We was at that elite level as a teenager with weightlifting, could have done well but he chose to walk away from it. I would say for him it might depend on the actual sport, if he had a son he was not going to allow weightlifting due to the damage it does to a growing body.

I am not a sporty person, so I doubt I would do anymore to support them in sport than what I would do supporting them in other endeavours.

[Heaven]

Moving away from my DH and other children would be too far for me. I would support them as best I can but I think the whole family comes first not individuals and I would worry about investing more time in one child and what that would do to the other children. So if I couldn't do it for all of them I wouldn't do it for one iykwim.

[Nelle]

I think I agree with Sara, I would have big reservations about splitting the family. My marriage is pretty sacred to me, and I'm not sure I could do months in other countries away from my dh and other children - in fact, that would break my heart.

Even the early mornings, if they were having an adverse effect on the family, they'd be out. If we could make it work, then great, and perhaps if we had an only child, or both children involved in the same sport, it could work, but yeah...I'm not sure I could sacrifice family memories growing up for trophies, medals and records.

Obviously some people do, but I'm not sure I could.

[Lulu]

Pfft NOPE.

My sister was an elite gymnast and was doing about 36 hours a week gym on top of school in grade 5. Our entire family revolved around it for years and it was nuts. TBH it didn't really bother me at all, I was really proud of her achievements and frankly it allowed me to get up to all sorts of trouble (woohoo!), but I think it was over the top.
I wonder if anything would have changed if it did bother me. I do remember being cut when my sis actually didn't have a weekend comp and mum grumbled about coming to watch me play tennis ONCE. I was in the elite squad in tennis but no one gave a crap!

It turns out years later their wacko-the-diddle-o, super special polish coaches were putting them through all sort of horrors and probably gave most of the team an eating disorder.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

[M22]

Pfft NOPE.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

gosh lulu you never fail to crack me up!! ever though of doing a stand up one liner comedy show??

anyways!, i agree with nelle, but if my child got given a scholarship or somthing like that then maybe i'd see.

[krysalyss]

I can' t see myself doing it. I definitely wouldn't do it for a sport but may do it for something else. Firstly I think let kids be kids. Secondly I think sport is just entertainment. Its great as a hobby and to keep fit but nothing more than that. I certainly don't agree with the celebrity, money and general hoo hah surrounding sport.
I definitely wouldn't do this long-term but may do something short-term if I thought it was an appropriate / worthwhile activity eg. something in a more altruistic line.

[Girl-23]

When I was watching the Olympics I was struck by how much sacrifice some of the parents have made for their children to compete. Not just getting up at 4am to take them training but in one case leaving the family home, their partner and their other child to move interstate to be close to a certain coach. On another forum I frequent a parent of a gifted winter athlete is contemplating 6 months overseas in our summer to give them the opportunity to train at an elite level.
Would you make a sacrifice like this for you children or would leaving your partner for so long be one step to far?
Where would you draw the line? Or would you not draw a line - nothing is too much to help your children achieve their dreams?

For my child and inshallah (if God wills) future children, but child for the time begin, I would sacrifice everything and anything. Since my husband is also the father of our child, he too would want what's best for her and would take the extra mile to meet her needs and goals. I would move interstate, overseas, anything to make her dreams come true. What some mothers need to understand is that children are forever, your partners might not be. I am not saying you should make your own choices but your child/ren are your first priority. I am not encouraging anyone to break up their happy home because they think they child has special talents, Lol. What I am trying to say is, do everything for your child/ren. Whether its waking up at 4am or moving to another country.

PS: I do love my husband. In case members think otherwise.

[paradise lost]

mmmm....

When i was a kid i LOVED to ride. My parents couldn't really afford lessons and DEFINITELY couldn't afford a horse, so my first few experiences were on a friend's broodmare pony (not really for riding and only broken for riding in the sense that she didn't throw you off for getting on). I loved it. I really really loved it. My parents, well, they weren't unsupportive as such, they didn't actively prevent it, but they didn't really do anything to assist either. I was bought 10 riding lessons for my 10th birthday, by which time i'd bumped about on my friend's pony about 20 times. In the first lesson they split the group into abilities and they put me into the top set. At the end of the block of lessons my instructor wrote "Fearless, sympathetic, confident. Gifted! We can't wait to see her back!" on my comment card. I was never able to go back. I made friends with a girl in school whose uncle had a small stud and i went and rode their horses. I put a lot into it. My dad and brother would drive me about half the time and the other half i would bus it (it was 9 miles to the horses, too far to bike). I would get up, go to school, wednesday and friday i went from school to the stables. Saturday and sunday i got up, went to work at a hotel, finished and went to the stables, got home about 9pm. As a teenager i didn't have a single lie-in for FOUR YEARS. It was EVERYTHING to me. My mum died having only seen me ride once, age 10, in my second riding lesson.

I think dad thought riding was "a girl thing" i was into because i wasn't into boys yet, and my mum was very working class and thought it "wasn't for people like us". This will make little sense to the rest of you but the horse-riders might get it - on my 8th riding lesson i was doing half passes on a school pony! My seat in my teens was so good - i can remember how it felt but i've not ridden regularly for years and so i definitely need practice to get back there, but the last time my dad saw me on horseback i was jumping a 14hh-on-her-tiptoes mare over 105cm barrels bareback.

I do wonder what my dedication would have gotten me if i'd had support. I DID get up at the crack of dawn, save every penny i had and work my butt off, but without much parental support it took all that JUST to be riding regularly.

Conversely i was forced to learn an instrument i hated for SIX years. My parents had no problems paying for lessons (same price as riding) and push push pushing me there (to be fair, it was my mum, not my dad). I think my problem was i was pretty good at lots of things, and they encouraged or supported the things THEY liked and valued, not the ones i did. I was as gifted in riding as i was in the pool, but swimming was "fun time, why do you want to swim laps!?" um...because i'm the fastest in my SCHOOL and i'm not even in training!? I was also in the "gifted" catergory in chess club, art (second best grade in Scotland the year i sat my higher, earning a massive grant for my school department), technical awareness (sat an aptitude test for Rover and got such a good grade, this time the best in scotland, that a private girls college called and offered to waive the 6000GBP/term fee if i went there for my final years) and so on. I do wonder if my parents felt overwhelmed by all the possibilities and just didn't know WHAT to encourage, and i sometimes wish i'd been allowed more input.

I can remember jumping that mare that day and i felt like we were made of fire or air, you riders know how it is when you and the horse are just so in tune, it's like your spines are fused....it was magical. But my mum never saw it, though the day i called her on her birthday to play her the moonlight sonata (i can't play the piano, i just picked a few really hard pieces and practiced ONLY them until they were passable - i can't even sightread the bass cleft, i used blu-tac on the keys to keep track while i was learning!) she wept into the phone with pride. She'd always wanted to learn the piano.....WHY didn't she then!?

So, where do i stand...? I don't know. I don't.

I think i would do anything to allow DD to use her gifts to their full potential. The way i see it is this:

If you had a child with Special Needs and in order for them to have a greater chance of a comfortable or "normal" (whatever that means) life you had to make massive sacrifices and spend masses of money, would you do it? In a heartbeat you would. No WAY would you say to your kid "I know you're in pain/learning nothing in your rubbish school/never going to walk in this PT regime/deeply unhappy, but your brother and sister are settled in their school and we don't really want to move..." You would MAKE it happen. Even if THEIR full potential didn't ever involve the things that other kids/people take completely for granted, like walking, coughing, eating solids, dressing themselves, living independantly, you would do EVERYTHING to help them reach it. So if DD has very demanding gifts that mean in order for her to be living her full potential we'd need to move/spend/sacrifice, can i REALLY offer her less just because she can be "normal" without that input?

I guess genetics play a big part in giftedness, and part of that is having parents who WOULD give up masses to make your dreams happen for you.

Bx