How far would you go?

[Phteven]

When I was watching the Olympics I was struck by how much sacrifice some of the parents have made for their children to compete. Not just getting up at 4am to take them training but in one case leaving the family home, their partner and their other child to move interstate to be close to a certain coach. On another forum I frequent a parent of a gifted winter athlete is contemplating 6 months overseas in our summer to give them the opportunity to train at an elite level.
Would you make a sacrifice like this for you children or would leaving your partner for so long be one step to far?
Where would you draw the line? Or would you not draw a line - nothing is too much to help your children achieve their dreams?

[sneakysparkle]

Oooh thats a tough one... I don't think I could say without being in the situation...

[foreva*your*mummy]

Yea Im the same, I think it depends what situation you are in...................... BUT I think I would do whatever it takes for my kids if that was their dream and they where willing to put just as much effort into it and wanted it. I would defiantly not do it if you had to push them and it wasnt something they completly loved.

[Astrid]

Really don't know myself, but I think DH might have something to say on it. We was at that elite level as a teenager with weightlifting, could have done well but he chose to walk away from it. I would say for him it might depend on the actual sport, if he had a son he was not going to allow weightlifting due to the damage it does to a growing body.

I am not a sporty person, so I doubt I would do anymore to support them in sport than what I would do supporting them in other endeavours.

[Heaven]

Moving away from my DH and other children would be too far for me. I would support them as best I can but I think the whole family comes first not individuals and I would worry about investing more time in one child and what that would do to the other children. So if I couldn't do it for all of them I wouldn't do it for one iykwim.

[Nelle]

I think I agree with Sara, I would have big reservations about splitting the family. My marriage is pretty sacred to me, and I'm not sure I could do months in other countries away from my dh and other children - in fact, that would break my heart.

Even the early mornings, if they were having an adverse effect on the family, they'd be out. If we could make it work, then great, and perhaps if we had an only child, or both children involved in the same sport, it could work, but yeah...I'm not sure I could sacrifice family memories growing up for trophies, medals and records.

Obviously some people do, but I'm not sure I could.

[Lulu]

Pfft NOPE.

My sister was an elite gymnast and was doing about 36 hours a week gym on top of school in grade 5. Our entire family revolved around it for years and it was nuts. TBH it didn't really bother me at all, I was really proud of her achievements and frankly it allowed me to get up to all sorts of trouble (woohoo!), but I think it was over the top.
I wonder if anything would have changed if it did bother me. I do remember being cut when my sis actually didn't have a weekend comp and mum grumbled about coming to watch me play tennis ONCE. I was in the elite squad in tennis but no one gave a crap!

It turns out years later their wacko-the-diddle-o, super special polish coaches were putting them through all sort of horrors and probably gave most of the team an eating disorder.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

[M22]

Pfft NOPE.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

gosh lulu you never fail to crack me up!! ever though of doing a stand up one liner comedy show??

anyways!, i agree with nelle, but if my child got given a scholarship or somthing like that then maybe i'd see.

[krysalyss]

I can' t see myself doing it. I definitely wouldn't do it for a sport but may do it for something else. Firstly I think let kids be kids. Secondly I think sport is just entertainment. Its great as a hobby and to keep fit but nothing more than that. I certainly don't agree with the celebrity, money and general hoo hah surrounding sport.
I definitely wouldn't do this long-term but may do something short-term if I thought it was an appropriate / worthwhile activity eg. something in a more altruistic line.

[Phteven]

Interesting......
I noticed that a couple of you said something along the line of 'not for sport'.
Is it up to us as parents to choose for our children the paths that they will follow? I mightn't be into chess but that doesn't mean that my son won't love it. Would it be fair of me to say to my son in 10 years time "if you had been into ping-pong I would have been happy to get up at 4am to take you to training but I won't take you to a chess tournament 4 hours drive away because it's not my cup of tea. If only you were more alturistic I'd support you more". Our children aren't mini-mes so perhaps it's not fair to impose our own standards of what is worthwhile upon them.

Lulu, ITA about children and elite sport not mixing but what if your child was really driven, if they really wanted to front up at swimming training 4 days a week would you say that they couldn't go because they were a child? That they had to wait 10 years? When do you decide that they're old enough for elite sport? Is 15 old enough? It's old enough to choose a career and start and apprenticeship so if the career they choose is gym not plumbing why shouldn't they go for it?

Sara, I totally agre that splitting the family is one step to far but the funy thing is I discovered how much my own predjudice plays a role in what I think is appropriate. 6 months in Austria for the whole family doesn't seem too outlandish to me - it would do us all good to learn a new language but moving to QLD for swimming fills me with horror lol.

Nelle, on the subject of sacrificing family memories - is it fair to try to mould our children's childhoods for the sake of our own memories? We all have ideas about being a family and being parents and I've laready discovered that Yasin and Imran don't always agree with my idea of a happy Saturday. It might be possible to have a very happy childhood that is also a childhood that is very focussed on a particular pursuit.

Obviously there's no right or wrong answers and the answers we give are what is right for ourselves so I hope no-one takes my replies personally - I'm just thinking aloud lol.

[Lulu]

I dunno Dach. I can tell you that Im not ever going to encourage elite sports in my kids so I hope that will be enough...
If my kids wanted to line dance for a living, Id want them to be happy, but elite sports are far, far too hard on children bodies (cept for synchro swimming ) and leave bugger all room to muck around. I was fine with my parents putting all their time in (cos I got something out of it lol) to my sisters sport but Im not sure how other siblings might have felt. I cant ever see it fair on the rest of the family unless everyone was totally one eyed about it.

I'm pretty over the way sporting people are looked up to as gods whilst there are so many people working their lives towards the good of their community/others/world and are totally overlooked. It's SPORT after all. And yep, I'd like to instil the same attitudes in my children

If it was beneficial for my entire family to move to another country I'd have the same attitude as you about it Dach.

bbl

[Curly]

It would depend on whether the child had the motivation, the burning desire to achieve. If they had that fire in them I would do my best to facilitate that.

However, I would not split up the family under any circumstances.

If I was having to coax them out of bed every morning for swimming training or whatever I wouldn't be busting a gut, IYKWIM. It would have to be clear to me that they were willing to put in the hard yards and if they were, then by all means.

I particularly would be against my son being a professional footballer but if it was what he wanted I wouldn't feel right about preventing that. If they have the ambition and drive, good on them.

[Astrid]

I think this raises another question. "If you child was not of elite material, but enjoyed the sport, would you still get up at 4am etc so they can train". The topic just reminded me of a tennis trainer DH came across that was talking about a girl who was good at tennis, but not great, and really loved the sport. Her parents pulled her out of training as she was not winning often enough, they did not care that the girl really loved tennis.

Overall I am not comfortable with splitting the family, have spent to many times with DH working away to know that it is not a good for us. If the move could beneficial for the whole family then I might consider it, I doubt I could do it if the other sibling would be disadvantaged.

[Nelle]

Nelle, on the subject of sacrificing family memories - is it fair to try to mould our children's childhoods for the sake of our own memories? We all have ideas about being a family and being parents and I've laready discovered that Yasin and Imran don't always agree with my idea of a happy Saturday. It might be possible to have a very happy childhood that is also a childhood that is very focussed on a particular pursuit.

I meant the children's memories Dach, I want them to have memories of being together, playing together, and I don't mean being in the same place at the same time, one training and the other watching.
And sure, that might not be my childrens' value, my kids might not want to be with the family, they might want to be in Wherever training, but it is not up to my child to decide what is best for the family, and until they reach a certain age, it is not up to them to have the final say on their choices either (although they do get a significant say).

So perhaps that is moulding my children's childhood, not so much for the sake of my memories, but for the sake of our conscience - so we can look back and agree that we made the best decisions for our family, that reflect the values we want to instill in them.

[Turkish Delight]

I was watching a doco on Foxtel just before the Olympics began about the Chinese gymnasts' training regime.

I was shocked, crying, angry and swearing at the telly.

These poor kids get snatched from their families at the age of 3 and are trained day and night. They are punished (caned) for doing a wrong landing or not doing the best tumble etc.. They hang from rafters like on the monkey bars for 10's of minutes.They are allowed to go home for one day every 6 months and have a huge burden on their shoulders at such a young age...they need to win an olympic medal and this then saves their family from poverty. I was disgusted. If they failed, they are shunned.

This one kid who was not a very good gymnast and about 7yo got to go home for a day and his mother had to drag him (literally drag) back to the training centre. he was kicking and screaming not wanting to go back and his mother was telling him that "a life is not gained through playing games". here is this poor 7yo not being able to play games or see his family. These kids stay in a room with about 10 bunks and have very little free time.

If my child really wanted to do whatever sports he/she was interested in and had real potential i would sacrifice parts of my life to allow them to live their dream. But definitely not move interstate without DH or allow my child to live interstate in some training school without us there.

Chloe, you always come up with great discussion threads.

[Trillian]

but elite sports are far, far too hard on children bodies (cept for synchro swimming )

I can see syncronised swimmers all over the world fainting over that comment

Anyway, I wouldn't do it 1 because it's sport and 2 I wouldn't do that to my family. I couldn't miss out on the important parts of their lives, even if supposing that I had one who was a champion in the making and the others weren't. At the end of the day, to me, being a sporting champion/superstar/ or god forbid, hero is a very limited career choice - it sometimes only takes one bad injury and that's it. And even if they didn't get injured, they have a finite number of years to do it before their body just can't keep them on top of the game anymore and then what? You've sacrificed so much to get them to that point - social lives, possibly education and the relationship with your family and your other children.

I look at footballers (for example) who start out really young at the highest level and once they are finished playing, what are they good for? They have spent all their years when other teens/young people are going to uni or working or doing other training playing football, so they have to start again from scratch. Even if you were at the top echelons of your sport, there is only so many years you can milk endorsements for before you are passed over for the next big thing.

It wouldn't matter if it was something I liked or didn't like, it's just not the life I want for my children.

[Phteven]

I meant the children's memories Dach, I want them to have memories of being together, playing together, and I don't mean being in the same place at the same time, one training and the other watching.

I don't think that sports needs to interfere with all that. I think that the parent of an enthusiastic child would be doing a poor job if they didn't ensure some balance.

I think this raises another question. "If you child was not of elite material, but enjoyed the sport, would you still get up at 4am etc so they can train".

I would definately keep getting up at 4am. It's not up to me to decide my children's dreams and even if they were hopeless I would be glad that they were involved in sport. As well as its physical benefits children who do sports are statistically less likely to take drugs etc and I think that sports helps children learn life skills that serve them well in adulthood, team play, self-discipline, the ability to get up early even though bed is nicer than outside. IMO taking your child out of sports because they can't perform at an elite level is ludicrous.

[Snacks]

Do you think it'd be accurate to say that it'd take a pretty specially devoted kid to be an elite athlete without really motivated and driven parents?
I haven't heard athletes talk about their parents much in interviews, other than to say they have been 'supportive'. So I really am clueless and would be interested to know how usual it is that a kid becomes an elite athlete if their parents aren't at least part of the driving force behind it?
Personally, I think sport is for fun. I really hope DD enjoys sport when she grows up. I'm not going to get her involved til she's old enough to tell me what she wants to do though, so that probably excludes her from competing in the olympics for sports like gymnastics, but so be it. She may show an aptitude for a sport when she starts, find that that's her 'place' and be really pumped and into it. At this stage (all hypothetical of course) I reckon I'll support her, so long as like many have already said, there is an adequate balance with other life activities. And I really doubt that splitting your family up so that one can live overseas will give that child sufficient life balance. Just MO.
Interestingly, I am really into music, and a lady we know has asked if I will teach her 3yo piano. I have said no. I couldn't teach a 3yo, and I reckon it'd be a pretty special 3yo who had piano lessons because its what they want moreso than what their parents want. I know there are loads of 3yos learning musical instruments, but I reckon I'll wait til my DD tells me she wants to do it and is old enough to feel some level of commitment to it. Sorry, slightly OT but I'm obviously more passionate about music than about sport so thought I'd toss it into the mix.