How often do you speak to your mum?

[Artechim]

I called her once last month. I used to call weekly but now it is getting hard to find the time. I doubt she notices anyway, she isn't a family person. We have lived 2 hours away from her for the last 5 years and she has been to visit 3-4 times, either after I have had a baby or to drop something off. She regularly drives right past our town but doesn't bother to take a 10 minute deviation to visit us.

She does care in her own way. I honestly don't think that she realises that it might be a bit hurtful that she will travel the country pursuing her hobby but never visits, not even in passing. She won't come up for the kid's birthday party or christmas. If we want to see her we have to travel to her which we do every few months but it is too expensive to do often.

[Marley&Me]

I speak to my mum every few days. She lives 15 minutes from us and visits once or twice a fortnight usually. Or we pack up the dogs and go to her place on the weekend. All our dogs get along so it's like a little doggy play date I couldn't imagine not talking to or seeing my parents, we are pretty close.

[Rainbow_Mumma]

Once a fortnight when she visits sometimes once a week

[Sterla]

Every day, or every second day. She lives a few minutes away, so we go to each others houses a fair bit. I feel very blessed to have her live so close and be so involved.

[tofu]

I used to speak to my mum once a day, now it's about 3-4 times(maybe more) as she isn't well.

[Jennifer13]

A couple of times a week, usually. Pretty long phone conversations, at least half an hour. She lives interstate. We've had our up and down times, but I think it's good now. She respects me and I understand her better with time. And forgiven her. She was not there for me for a long time when I needed her, emotionally and other support. I'm so glad I gave her another chance.

[little_O]

At the moment we are living with them while renovating...so pretty much constantly!

But otherwise everyday. And my dad too! I'd be lost without them.

[Floweryfields]

My heart hurts for all of those who have posted regarding parents who just don't care or want to be involved in your lives. How sad is that? I would be lost without my parents and one day, when I have a child, I would hope they would grow up wanting to have regular communication with me too.

[Girl-23]

Ausgirl,

I agree. It is extremely sad. I couldn't imagine having my mother and not be in regular contact with her, the woman that carried me for 9 months and gave birth to me, etc. I have three children that I am raising, giving everything to, I would expect them to always remember me and treat me how I treated them.

[Girl-23]

Double post.

[peanutter]

I have three children that I am raising, giving everything to, I would expect them to always remember me and treat me how I treated them.

And I think this is the key: not everyone has a mother who has raised them well, with love, with sacrifice, nurturing and bringing them up in a healthy environment.

Each of us can only speak to our own experience. We are welcome to have (and voice) our opinions and thoughts, but we cannot judge each other for such things.

Those who have strong relationships with their mothers can empathise: consider your relationship, and the strength you draw from it. Something very grave / toxic / painful / traumatic must have occurred, whether at one time or over an extended period, to cause someone to elect not to continue that relationship. Think of what would have to happen for you to break ties with your mother: this is not a decision anyone would come to lightly.

Or, the distance might be the parent's decision. There's an estrangement in my family, and it's not from our side at all. We would have loved a relationship, but they cannot accept my father's decision to marry my mother. Not a difference of race, religion, values (not that those would be acceptable reasons either) - she's just not the woman they wanted him to marry. 40 years, 4 children and 4 grandbabies on, we still have no relationship with them, because they STILL won't accept that she's the one for him. This is unfathomable to me. But I'm not them, I don't know them, and I don't understand them. But I try not to judge. There must BE a reason, and it's not really relevant whether that reason is acceptable to me. I only have to deal with and respond to what's in front of me. I love my family. I can't imagine breaking those ties. But that's because I have been loved, encouraged, taken care of, and so that's how I respond.

No matter what the reason, these severances of relationship are painful - even if they bring peace and relief.

Compassion and understanding are needed.

[Phteven]

Marry me 'Nutter.