I wouldn't cope

[myturn]

sound like that was a great idea :-) you've sent her the message and now if/when she calls you can just repeat it "I'm sorry, I really can't cope with that many children"
If she makes a fuss or starts "carrying on" - you could always say something like "I'm sorry, I wish it was different, but I've already given you my answer."
and if she STILL keeps going.... "I've already said I just can't do it, I don't feel comfortable with you still asking me, can you please stop".

If she keeps going after that then you have given her plenty of warning and it would be fair for you to say "I'm sorry, I am going to have to hang up/leave if you keep asking me."

try not to get in a discussion over text too much if you can avoid it - that can just get messy. If you find there is some ongoing back and forward via text it would probably be best to say "I don't think this is a conversation we should continue by text, I'm sorry I can't babysit, if you can to discuss we can speak. But I won't be able to respond to any more messages. Sorry."

I know it sounds short and harsh, but you just have to be firm! or else you'll be constantly walked all over!

You should be proud that you sent the text message in the first place.

last thing - remember that you cannot control the way that other people react - you only have control over yourself, so be honest and respectful in the way you deal with others and know that you have done the best you can. It is then up to her how she will handle/respond/deal with it. If she doens't deal well... then.... well, then you have to decide if it's a friendship that is supportive and one you want to keep, or whether you need to let the friendship go. You can feel assured that you have respected her and dealt with it well, then it doens't matter what she thinks/does - that is just her reacting badly to try and get what she wants - and that is not helpful for her.

You are helping her, by sticking up for yourself as well you know.

Hopefully she reacts well and none of this advice will be required - sorry it's long - but just in case I wanted to cover all options :-)

good luck!! xxx

[Mak]

Good on you! Completely sensible. I think a whole day is way to hard for most people - perhaps if you are really wanting to help you could offer to duck over there one night when the kids are in bed so they can do something else? You do have to take care of yourself and your family too - especially if it is one way traffic. I have a friend who whilst struggling expects a lot from everyone else and yet never helps others out which is quite draining. xxx
PS If someone is helping out etc I would not expect to impose my routines of sleep/tt on them -should be made as easy as possible for the helpers.

[Miss E]

I totally get where you are coming from, don't think I could manage either. But, it sounds like your friend really needs a bit of time out... Is it possible for you to just take them for a couple of hours to give her that?

[MissEm]

Good on you! Completely sensible. I think a whole day is way to hard for most people - perhaps if you are really wanting to help you could offer to duck over there one night when the kids are in bed so they can do something else? You do have to take care of yourself and your family too - especially if it is one way traffic. I have a friend who whilst struggling expects a lot from everyone else and yet never helps others out which is quite draining. xxx
PS If someone is helping out etc I would not expect to impose my routines of sleep/tt on them -should be made as easy as possible for the helpers.

Her children wont sleep without her so even she has said its not an option, even though I would prefer nights when they are asleep.

I totally get where you are coming from, don't think I could manage either. But, it sounds like your friend really needs a bit of time out... Is it possible for you to just take them for a couple of hours to give her that?

I would for a hour or so, but she wants to go out for the whole day.

[Miss E]

I would for a hour or so, but she wants to go out for the whole day.

yeah, I just thought that perhaps you could offer a shorter time frame as an alternative rather than just giving a flat no.

[Mak]

TBH - you can only offer solutions that YOU can manage. If that is not ok then you can't help out, plain and simple.