I'd like your perspective..

[Nai]

I think you did the right thing. Punishment and negative associations with toilet habits is a no no for me as it can lead to them hanging on too long and all sorts of baldder and urinary tract issues. At that age the emabrrassment of having done it is usually enough of a punishment.

When DD needs to go and we are at the park she has the choice to leave or wee on the grass - she generally wees on the grass The desire to play is always going to override the toilet.

[Inertia]

I am kind of in the middle here. An accident will happen yes - and there is no need to go right off or make them sit in wet pants if you can help it, but I probably would have stuck to leaving her in the car simply because actions have consequences.

I think it is important to teach my kids that every decision they make will have an end result - and they won't necessarily be happy with it. She was already given the choice between playing or going to the shopping centre. I would explain that this is why we have to think our choices through before we make them.

I probably sound like a harsh mum now, but I am not always going to be there to 'change their pants' as it were, so one day they will make a decision they have to wear, sadly a lot sooner than we'd like. I can't fix first day of kindergarten mistakes.

[Heaven]

I agree with how you handled it. As Dr Phil says: 'shame never equals change'

[MrsFabuloso]

I think that it was not right for her to stay in her wet pants. Treat her as you would an adult (obviously make it age appropriate) but at her age she would understand. Telling her you're disappointed is great.Staying in wet pants is not something you would do to anyone else! But in saying that it seems she was aware to some degree of what would happen eventually, ie she would wet her pants if she waited for too long. Yes in part it is the adults responsibility to prevent such accidents (you or DP should probably have just taken her to the toilet the first time she asked) but she has to be held responsible to some extent too. At 4 she would have an awareness of actions and consequences. So maybe not going into the shops might have been fitting, because she wet her pants, she can't go in with no pants on. And I don't think you should have brought her new pants. That's a consequence to her actions. She decided to ignore you and not go for a wee even though you explained what would happen (go to shops, wee, shop, come back to park) I think that's reasonable.

[mrsmac]

I am with Inertia on this one, I think children need to learn that their actions have results even at this age. I think men do react harshly at first and are probably often harder than we would be hence mum often appearing "softer". My DH says I am too soft too.