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Thread: Including unwanted step-parents (long - sorry)

  1. #1

    Default Including unwanted step-parents (long - sorry)

    Little bit of back ground - my parents seperated in Jan 1998 and Dad remarried in Jan 2001. Mum died in Oct 2001. My step-mother and I don't exactly get along (she doesn't get on with any of us kids and my Grandparents only put up with her because they have to). She is a very negative woman who CONSTANTLY tells us she hates my father, my father is evil, and threatens to leave (even refused to pick him up from hospital after he had a heart attack!). If she can't be the centre of attention she cracks it and carries on like a two year old. When I was planning my wedding I had several phone calls from my Dad telling me she was "distressed" because I wasn't letting her organise anything - totally overlooked the fact that NOONE was helping me. The night before my wedding she locked my Dad out and tried to ruin his suit and threatened not to go to the wedding (I was meant to be staying in a Motel with BF but had to go to Dad's to pick up something I needed and walked in on this). I told her I didn't care if she didn't go and left again. When we got PG we told both sets of parents to not tell anyone until I reached 12 weeks and that noone was to tell my estranged brother at all. SHe took this as a personal attack because she wanted to tell everyone she was going to be a Grandmother. AND she has constantly fed information to my brother who is trying to use it against my little sister. Whenever step-mother messes up (whether it be crushing my sister or feeding half baked information to my brother and him twisting it), I am left to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces.

    Ok, now DH and I are working with my IL's and their pastor to plan DD's Christening/Dedication service (FIL is co-pastor and helping to give the service). My Dad is living in WA for work and step-mother is living in SA (don't ask ). Dad has been hot and cold telling me one minute he will be at the service then the next he isn't. I spoke to him the other night and asked him to let me know ASAP either way as I want him to do a reading and if he isn't going I need to organise something else. Dad is now hinting (not too subtly) that if he can't do it step-mother should be doing it. Problem is, I don't want her there let alone involved! She wants DD to wear the gown her boys wore when they were Christened but I want DD to wear the one DH wore - so now I'm being vindictive because I'm not using hers
    She has never been a positive influence in our lives and nothing like a mother-figure and I certaintly don't consider her even remotely close to DD's Grandmother. Maybe if she had been around longer than this but she came into my life when I was already an adult so she dosen't rate for me. I have reluctantly agreed for her to be called Nanna because I am trying to avoid conflict and protect Dad's health (they fight and his blood pressure raises - he is already on thin ice with his health after having both a heart attack and stroke in the last 2 years). We are so over dealing with her negativity, abuse, and personal attacks that we now refuse to even stay at Dad's house which we have previously always done. How do I deal with this? If you have step-parents you can't stand, what have you done and how (if at all) did you include them in your child's life? I really need help with this because I don't want to lose my Dad but if they blow this one out of proportion or ruin this event, I am cutting all ties it has gotten that bad!

    TIA



    MG

  2. #2

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    Thanks Jelvie. Yes, I have spoken to Dad about it but he just doesn't get it. He will side with her every time - not that I want him to take sides - just to understand what is going on and try to do something about it. I think my Dad is afraid to be alone and so won't do anything about her attitude and behavior towards us. He knows I've had enough of the behavior and where we are at but would rather lose his children than stand up to her.
    Unfortunately it is always up to us to make the compromise. I've watched my Dad become a very bitter and angry man in the time they have been together. I hardly recognise him at all any more. Which is why we are even considering the drastic measure of cutting all ties - to protect Abbey from negative mental games being played by SM. I watched her emotionally and mentally abuse my sister and pushed her until she moved out at 15 and I ended up having to fix things and move my sister interstate to live with DH and I.
    I want my Dad to be involved in his Granddaughters life - especially as he considers her his only Grandchild (my brother has 4 kids) but I don't want the conflict and negativity from SM. If I cut all ties with her and not my Dad she would make his life so much worse and she has already been the cause of so many of his health problems. When he was in hospital after his heart attack she verbally abused the bejibers out of him on the ward and his blood pressure got so high he blacked out.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    OMG MG... are you sure we don't share the same Step Mum??? lol

    My Step Mum is a PITA and a horrid person to my Dad...
    She arranged for us to have a picnic lunch over Easter with her and my Dad, sms'ed all us kids (there are 4 of us, I am the eldest) on the Friday, was happy and excited about catching up with us all as they haven't seen us since our wedding... but, the day before, unbeknownst to anyone, she had signed a 6 month lease on a villa, and on the Sat, left my Dad!!!
    This is the 3rd time she has done this... she did the exact same thing, the same time last year... My Dad too has heart problems, and they happened after they married... Dad told me he is over it and that she has been threatening him with divorce since the day after they married!!!

    Grrr... I really hope you can sort something out for your DD's christening... I know how hard it is to feel torn between making your Dad happy, and not liking his wife.:hugs:
    I am sure either way, Abbey will have a beautiful christening and look gorgeous in whatever you decide to put her in.

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    I just skimmed through it MG & I'd not have her in my kids lives at all...
    I cannot understand why she'd try to get your DD to wear her christening gown over your DH's who is DD's father... FFS the woman is a wlaking fruit loop..

    Personally I'd just say here's whta we are doing, no planning, no helping with plans etc, here's what is happening end of story show up if you can & if not No big deal!

    But she sounds like the wicked witch from the West!!!!

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