I read this forum quiet often but this is my first time posting, and I really need some advice...
My husband and I and been together for nearly 10 years and have a 4 month old son together.. Probably as in most relationships bubs has put some strain on our marriage but nothing too serious that we cant appolagise for in the morning.
However tonight we had an argument (at 2am) about the baby crying (we are going through some sleep issues ATM) and hubby all of a sudden screams at me to STFU and he put his hand on my neck/head ( we were both lying in bed and I was feeding bubs) he put his hand on me like he was gonna shove/hit me. I think he realised what he had done and he got up and left the room... But I'm uneasy with the fact that he actually touched me/went to do something
This is the first time anything like this has happened and I really don't know what to think/do... Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How are things this morning? I don't want to excuse any form of violence, but I wanted to share that I get very aggressive when sleep deprived. That weird space between sleep and awake is the worst for me, when my body is trying to sleep and I have to wake up, I feel like my mind doesn't belong to me, and I have felt extreme rage and anger at times and have had to walk away from a crying baby to calm down.
Maybe your dh should start sleeping in another room for a while until he catches up on some sleep? I would also suggest some couples counseling or at least some anger management for him. I have dramatically changed my anger response in a short space of time, and even the most severe sleep deprivation with ds hasn't triggered the same response as I had when dd was a baby.
Before I met my DH I was in an abusive relationship. X 'began' by hitting objects doors, car, walls etc then he started on me by squeezing me or pushing his thumbs into me and it eventually over time escalated into hitting. Was a very scary situation to be in. I didn't talk to anyone about it or seek help... So while your DH isn't hitting you I think it's great your reaching out.
My suggestion is to talk about what happened. Do not sweep it under the rug with 'oh he was just tired and stressed'. I think you should suggest your DH see a councillor to talk through things, they will also teach him techniques he can use to calm down etc.
When your both exhausted and at the end of your wits with baby crying it's so easy for things to turn into a yelling match... remove yourself from the situation, go to another room take deep breaths. Debrief in the morning about your frustrations. Do you have support around you to help with your baby? Maybe you could ask someone to help out for a couple of nights so you can both recharge.
I'm another for counselling..
A new baby can be so very stressful and sleep deprivation can change someone dramatically.
If you can try to explain to DH how worried you were that he was going to hit you, it will help when you bring up counselling.
Don't just let this go though. Your relationship needs the help so you can both enjoy this time with your baby...
Definitely address this now with your DH. My DH hasn't hit or pushed me but previously he has verbally abused me. I actually went 'nuts' back at him & told him that any form of domestic violence is not acceptable & if he were to ever do it again I'd leave him. His reaction was similar to your DH - I think he was taken aback by what he said and felt embarassed and ashamed. I did encourage him to speak to a professional about the anger issue but he didn't and it hasn't happened again.
I too like Arcadia suffer terribly from sleep deprevation but I can't think or act straight - I can't attend to basic functions when sleep deprevied, so perhaps this is what has happened to your DH but his out/release was what he did to you. Again, not excusing it but there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed and worked through ASAP. I wish you the very best & hope that you can work through it together. ((hugs))
There is absolutely no excuse for your DH to put his hands on you, please talk to him and let him know that this is not on and that you wont put up with it. I've been in an abusive relationship and heard all the excuses. I too suggest you both seek some counselling, all the best .
Talk to him. Let him know you are concerned and tell him how you feel. He needs to know you will not stand for this type of behaviour. I also suggest somebody.sleeps in Another room. Hugs
Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes
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