Ok, so this is probably a bit of a strange question (or maybe not)... I guess I'm asking because DH and I had always (and still do) thought that it would be nice to have an age gap of about 3 years.
Well DS is 21 months now, so if we're going to do that, we should start TTC in the next few months.
But TBH I'm not 100% sure that I'm ready, or ever will be ready. When we decided to TTC DS I was 100% ready and couldn't wait to be a mum, and DH was the same. Now that number 2 is on the cards, I really, really want to have another baby, but I wonder how I'll cope and if I'll be able to enjoy it. I find that having a toddler is soooooo demanding, that I can't imagine how I would manage to juggle a toddler and a newborn. I want to be able to enjoy our next baby as much as I have enjoyed DS... But then the idea of two just seems like a lot of hard work in some ways (goodness that sounds awful!).
Then there is the part of me that thinks that by the time we get pregnant and go through the pregnancy, DS will be a lot older, be communicating much better and it could be easier than I anticipate... But at the same time, I don't want him to feel deserted when we have another baby.
And then there is my work. I'm back 3 days a week now and loving it. I'm getting to do some fabulous things and working at a much higher level than ever before - who would've thought maternity leave could be so good for your career? There is part of me that would feel bad announcing another pregnancy so soon after coming back... But on the flip side, family is far more important to me than career.
So, I've rambled a bit here. But I guess what I'm asking is when you decided to have number 2 (or 3 or 4) were you as confident in the decision as you were first time around? Is it completely unrealistic to expect to be in the same head space as the first time? Or is it normal to be a little apprehensive about how hard it will be given that you now know what parenting is all about?
Oh sweetie, big hugs it can be stressful just thinking about it!!! Hope you don't mind me jumping on here as I was just wondering the same thing lately and would love to hear others' opinions/experiences!
Honestly, my husband and I always agreed we would start TTC #2 as soon as #1 was born, and when it came to the crunch I was so overwhelmed with motherhood and trying to put on a façade of coping that I couldn't admit I wasn't ready, so we started TTC when DS1 was 6 weeks. If I had been stronger I would have told him I had changed my mind, but in retrospect it worked really well for us. With the twins I was ready and as keen as I had been when TTC #1.
There is no right time to have another child. There is not even a need to have another if you are happy with your family as it is. As for how you will cope with a toddler and a newborn, it is easier than you might think but it is tiring and it does mean a bigger chunk of your worklife will be put off. Not an easy decision, I hope you find the answer you are looking for xx
For me I just felt ready, we were thinking 3 year gap but then it was earlier that I just felt yep Im ready to go again. And now after having 2 I have the opposite feeling I just know now 2 is it for me I'm happy just like this. I just followed what my feelings told me.
For us it was more of a logical decision than an emotional one to be honest. DD was 6 months old, DH feels like he is going to be an older Dad already (this is just his personal feeling) and right now I have a wonderful team of staff who I completely trust. If I wait 1 or 2 years who's to say those fab staff aren't going to be having babies of their own and taking leave or have moved on? Of course we also wanted a sister or brother for DD and figured we'd just jump right in and hope for the best
Thanks ladies... It's such a hard decision to make. In my heart I am aching for another child, I look enviously at other women who are pregnant and long to bring another life into this world. I want DS to have a sibling.
But that's where I get stuck. In my heart I know that DH and I really want another baby and I don't think our family would feel complete down the track if we don't. But, I am a control freak and a perfectionist. When we decide to TTC conceive DS I knew I was ready for motherhood, that I could handle whatever it through at me, and TBH I think DH and I have done a great job so far. But when it comes to making that big decision to actually start TTC number 2, my heart says yes! yes! yes! but my head says 'how will you manage?'. We have very little family support, DH's family is overseas and I only really have my Dad who is incredibly busy.
And, as DS gets older I think I get more and more concerned about coping with two. I hate using this term, but DS was a really easy baby, the first year was a breeze. He was my complete focus and I put all of my time and energy into him. But as he has become a toddler, it has become more challenging for me. Then when I think about catering to his needs along with the needs of a helpless newborn, I can't help but feel that there will be times that one of them will suffer because I will have to prioritise the others needs iykwim? I know that that is all part and parcel of having more than one child, but then I wonder if I would feel like a failure because I won't be able to be the 'perfect' mother to both of them all the time.
So, part of me thinks I should just follow my heart and be prepared for whatever happens, but then there is that other side of me that wonders 'are you biting off more than you can chew'.
We had just reached a point where we were starting to talk about number two when I found out he was already on the way. I think your on the right track by following your feelings and talking with your partner about things. If your really wanting to start ttc you can always take a few months and to ready your body with diet etc. That way you still active about getting pregnant but can have a little more mental space to sort your emotions out.
DH never even wanted kids! DS was a surprise! I have always wanted 2 kids. I come from a family of 2 kids (as does DH), and I've always wanted to have two kids. I resigned myself to only having DS coz DH was always so adamant we were only having one. I just dreamed of having two, would throw names at him jic, had picked out a boys name, and a girls name (however, not the one we ended up using!). I started uni last year, and told DH that I'd like to wait to TTC #2 until after I finish uni (in 3 years - so there'd be a 6yr age gap if all went well). Surprise surprise! Found out we were pg in 2nd semester of uni.
DD is only 2 weeks old, but I reckon by the time she was 4 days old, I was ready to go again! lol
Number 2... How'd you know that you were ready?
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