Registered User
Is online flirting ok?
Hi everyone,
I'm seeking others POV's on a 'scenario'
As the title implies - is online flirting okay in your opinion?
Would your answer change if:
- your 'other half' was doing it secretively (e.g via PM's on FB)?
- you knew the other person involved?
- it had been going on randomly over a period of 6 months or so...?
Thanks ladies, this is doing my head in!
Moderator
In my opinion, no, it's not okay at all.
Registered User
No, in any senario...
Registered User
Not ok in any way shape or form. But that is my personal opinion and you need to put your own filters on the situation.
Registered User
Yeah it is okay if two of the people involved are single people...
If one or both of those people are in a relationship then no, not at all.
Cat xox
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
What Cat said
Moderator
Yep what they all said. Online no different to IRL, IMHO.
Registered User
Something's up - there are other signs you're either not mentioning or have missed. Tune into yourself, your relationship, and if you're ready, ask yourself some tougher questions.
What will you do about it if your thoughts are confirmed? Who is affected and how by what your proposed course of action is? What will you do/say if you don't believe the explanations? What will be the reaction, do you think, to not being believed?
Really think about it and what you're prepared to live with (i.e. if you don't quite believe the answers, will you pretend it's ok and carry on as before?).
Registered User
Depends. If it upsets you, then no, it isn't OK.
I can be quite a flirty person and will have a joke with some of my boys, but that's it. Certainly no touching. And it isn't to have a relationship with these people, it's either a joke or a compliment. (I can tell someone he looks good without being attracted to him, just as I can hear I am fab without falling head over heels.) And yes, some of it can be on-line for the world to see with the appropriate smiley face. But it doesn't upset DH. If it did, I wouldn't do it.
eg: we're out and about, DH greets a girl I don't know with a "hi gorgeous": turns out it's a female friend from work and that's how they talk, he has already mentioned he enjoys her company/sense of humour. I would only get upset if he never complimented my looks. (Or maybe something comes up on my facebook feed with flirty banter on DH's wall, if I know about the relationship anyway it wouldn't really phase me.)
eg: I go to FaceBook and DH is signed in. He has a message from an unknown woman who lives nearby that's a bit steamy. DH has never met her but he hasn't told me and I know nothing of her. Yeah, I'm upset.
Registered User
In my books, that's cheating, end of discussion.
Personally, I would want individual counselling and couples counselling, and I'd move hell and high water to organise for us to be able to do that - provided my DH was going to participate with dedication in the process, and as long as we both were willing to strive to recover the lost trust.
Without two dedicated parties - and an understanding of what boundaries, trusts and so forth were broken - this would in my opinion be futile.
I suspect I would also be expecting that he would need to cease all contact with the woman involved, after telling her not to contact him again, but I'm not positive ...
I don't have an issue whatsoever with my DH contacting women, being friends with them, catching up with them - my husband is a full time SAHD, and he goes to playgroup, has playdates, and whatever else - but it's all out in the open. He doesn't need my permission to meet up with one of them, or for them to come over or a trip to the park or the play centre, in the same way that I'll catch up with male and/or female friends for lunch / coffee / breakfast / a drink / a walk / etc. But it's in the diary, emails are sent to our home account, there's not covert communications.
As soon as there's secrecy, there's the question of why it's that way ...
I'm really sorry this is happening. I'm glad you've found out, and I hope he's man enough to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, and to help you to feel as loved and special as you did before this happened.
I hope you're ok soon, even if you're not right now
Registered User
I think it really depends on the flirting and the people involved and what each person considers ok. For example, I have pretty flirty conversations with my friends (both guys and girls) with plenty of innuendo, but DF is fine with it cause he knows it's just being silly. NYE a couple of years ago, a friend was drunk and was grabbing the boobs of a lot of the girls and also ended up motorboating me. I thought it was hilarious given who it was so because I didn't care, DF didn't care. Had I taken issue with it though, DF would have aswell. DF could do the same thing, with the flirty conversation etc and depending on who it was, I'd be ok with it. That said, other people wouldn't consider any of that ok. So it really depends on the couple and what they consider ok.
If it was all secret squirrel though, then that wouldn't be ok in my opinion cause it means there's something to hide. I figure if it's all innocent, it doesn't need to be hidden.
Registered User
Fark! If someone other than my DH had the audacity to motorboat me, even in jest, I would punch them in the face. End of.
There is what I call 'friendly banter' and then there is flirting. I think if it's being done in secret, there is more to it than just flirting. People can have an emotional affair without even touching someone else or even being in the same room. IMO it is not OK.
Registered User
Don't get me wrong, I realise I am definitely not 'the norm' there. Boob grabbing seems to be the thing with my friends and I so I don't even bat an eyelid when it happens. I am VERY close with those friends though, if it was some random it would be a different story. I should also add that he didn't just come up and do it, I did say it was ok before he did.
You're right, there's friendly banter and there is flirting. So I guess what is and isn't ok would depend on where you think that line is.
Registered User
Not okay in my eyes. I would be very hurt.
Hope you're okay if this is a scenario you are going through
Registered User
Mayaness - oh yeah, its confirmed! I opened the laptop to log into my FB after coming home from the gym the other night and DH's FB was open - the list of PM's were open, and you know how you can read one or two lines in the preview...? Welllllll, it prompted me to open the PM (yes, I know its wrong and I invaded his privacy etc. Trust me, I'm paying for it now!).
The only thing which 'I think' stopped the possibility of anything occurring between them is distance - she lives a good 1 - 1.5 hrs away. There was conversation of her suggesting he go down to visit her and they'd go to the beach - to 'play'...!
I've spoken to DH about it a bit. He hasn't tried to justify it and isn't playing it down (which is a smart move on his part, if he down played it I think I'd be even more furious). He said he knew it was stupid and wrong, yet he continued to do it...! (His words). He claims to not have feelings for her - and for some strange reason I believe him..Dunno why, just a gut feeling I have.
Registered User
Go with gut
It's the best thing you have unless/until other information changes what your gut says.
Well-handled!
Registered User
That's not flirting. That is making plans.
Flirting, I couldn't care less. Openly and actively encouraging a situation that is inevitably and clearly designed to lead to compromising your marriage/relationship, is not ok.
Registered User
Agreed. I tend to be flirty when I'm drinking lol. Dh actually finds it amusing. Plus he gets all the benefits later on (if you know what I mean). It's harmless flirting.
I do agree though if it is hidden away then it's a big no no. I openly flirt in front of my Dh with him or with others. I would never do it when he wasn't around ever.
Also it depends on what you consider flirting?
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