Only child wants sibling

[Abigail]

DS comes from a separated and blended family.

Here DS only has myself. He has cousins that he is close to but for all intents and purposes in our home he is a one and only.

At his fathers house he has a 'step' and 'half' brother, so two other siblings.

DS is 4 and a half. DS and I have essentially never lived as a family unit of more than us two.

Until recently we have avoided the whole 'I want a sibling' scenario. Its just never come up. Until now. DS has asked if we can take one of his cousins (baby - 18 months now) home and keep her. He has told me that he wants me to have a baby and asked me why I cant just put one in my belly. He is adamant and no amount of talking has been able to sway his mind. In the end Ive ended up just telling him that it is what it is and its not going to change, which of course he is not happy with.

How do you handle this? What do you say? His little heart is breaking (taking mine with it as it is still a sore point with myself anyway) and I just want to help him to understand but to also feel comfortable about the fact that it is just him and I and thats okay too.

Anyone who is walking this path would love to hear from you. Thanks

[Mildez]

My daughter was the same from about 3 to 6. She was obsessed with me having another baby. All she wanted and prayed for was a sibling boy or girl she didn't care. When she started school (she went to a catholic school) she started praying for a sibling. Even rubbed my tummy saying she is praying for a baby to get in there. No understanding of how that happened of course.
Anyway I fell pregnant not long after which was very unexpected as I was on contreception. I wasn't living with my partner who wasn't the father of my eldest DD. He is now my husband. There is 6.5years between my DD1 and DD2. Now my eldest is 12 and I can say she hates her sister and wishes she was an only child. She seems to have all these great memories of when it was just me and her and wishes it was still the same. So having a sibling didn't turn out as well as she expected it to. Maybe its just a phase he is going through and it will pass. Is there any chance you will have another baby at some stage? A good friend of mine just had her second when her DS was 11. He is a very devoted big brother.

[Purple Penguin]

[Butterfly Dawn]

what about getting a baby doll for him to play with? can he have a pet? a bird/ cat/ rabbit/ dog etc

you can have the loan of one of my boys for a month or 6

[Abigail]

Thank you for your post mildez. Its nice to hear other perspectives. There is very little (read no) chance of another child.

Thanks PP

Butterfly Dawn thank you also, he has a baby doll that he isnt overly interested in playing with. He is fairly restricted with what he can have pet wise but we have a bunny that thinks its a dog and is thus very affectionate, but it doesnt replace his wanting of a sibling.

I've started taking him around to his 18 month of twin cousins a bit more to see if that helps, perhaps it is loneliness of not having a younger playmate here? Im not sure what else to do, say or try really.

[roses]

Are there any books about being an only child that you could read together?

[Gigi]

i have a similar issue, i have one child (DD6) and due to my age and lack of partner, zero chance of her getting a sibling. She has one cousin, who lives interstate (she last saw her for a day, two years ago). No grandparents. She cried a few days ago, "everyone else at school has grandparents etc". My heart breaks for her. i feel guilty for bringing her into the world with so little family, really just her dad and i.

She's very lonely and i have trouble organising socialising for her. She would make a great big sister, is so interested in babies.

When she goes to her dad's, she is also an only, as he has not re-partnered. i never planned for her to be an only, my plan was to have two children.

Sometimes, when she brings the topic up, i now tell her, that it makes me sad too, as i always wanted to give her a brother or sister. She is coping with that better (that it makes me sad too), than when i didn't admit to it bugging me too. Might be too soon for a 4yo to "get that" - unsure.

[Abigail]

Hey Roses, Im not sure if there are any books about being an only child. Im not sure if it would confuse him more or not since while he is an only child in my home, he is technically not an only child, kwim? It can't hurt to look though, so Ill have a bit of a google tonight.

Gigi It is hard isnt it. DS is very much a social child, so much so that he can go to any park and guaranteed he will make a friend. It's beautiful to watch but also sad when we have to go home. I think that he might have the beginnings of understanding if I tell him it makes me sad too as he has always been a very empathic child. My only concern with that is that he may inadvertently take some of my sadness onto himself, comprehending that he somehow isnt good enough if you know what I mean. Recently we stopped seeing one of my close friends for personal reasons and even though he had nothing to do with any of it, he somehow interpreted it as it was his fault. He wasn't even there! So Im uncertain about taking that approach.