Relle,
I was the last to have bub after my siblings too, and on the outside it looked smooth sailing! I releate to all of what you say, however i was lucky to have bonded with DS. I think in part because it took so long and IVF to have him. I cried for weeks after - its a very emotional time isnt it!
You brought tears to my eyes when I read about no 2 being easier and that you love motherhood this time round. I too want this, as i felt I worried too much with no 1 about everything, and that in a way was a loss to me as i missed out on enjoying it. I will be much more relaxed with no 2. as you said, you know what to expect.
I tell you what, it is hard, but we go back for more because we just love them so much, and they bring a new meaning to life.