6 month old with unlit cigarette on FB: irresponsible or no big deal?

[BellyBelly]

Mom Questioned for Posting Photo of Baby Smoking on Facebook)

In the link, you can read the story/see the pic about a controversial photo a mother put on FB of her 6 month old with a cigarette in it's mouth. Controversial because some thing it's no big deal, it's not lit, then some say it's irresponsible to even do that.

So, what do you think? (no flaming each other - pardon the pun! - this is about our own beliefs).

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Personally i think it's wrong as the cigarette is actually RIGHT in his mouth and surely it wouldn't have tasted nice lit or not...

On the other hand i have a pic of DD at MIL's birthday with her lips on the top of a wine bottle (someone took it as a joke that she takes after her mum trying to drink it)... not completely responsible but she wasn't drinking any so didn't see the harm.... hmmmm

[Bathsheba]

Personally: I'm cringing. Is this what this parent aspires for her child? It's a bit like how some parents think it's funny to take photos of their babies appearing to be drinking a beer. Not my idea of funny. I think it's sad. I'm not going to call parents who do this type of thing "names" and i hope others avoid it too. It just seems very inconsistent with the idea that our children are precious and that their health should be our number one priority. Whether it is lit or not is beside the point... it's still sad. ETA: I would never actually say anything though... I accept that some people have a different sense of humour than me... I'm not going to be a wet blanket.

[~me~]

I think it's pretty irresponsible and tasteless. I don't smoke, I have family members who do and don't smoke in their houses and now of course it has been come an offense if you smoke in your car with children.
I understand it's the UK and they probably don't have as strict smoking laws as we do but they are getting there.
It would have tasted pretty horrible too to the baby.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Sounds like an immature mother, who obviously doesnt realise that there is anything wrong with it.. very sad.

[Rouge]

Horrible. Just Horrible. Tobacco is poisonous and children can get sick from eating it so why even pretend?

Completely irresponsible, besides being tasteless.

And how is it cute or funny? I don't get it? So if you gave your child a spoon and a syringe to hold would that be cute too?

[Astrolady]

Oh dear. Didn't think it was in the mouth until I saw the image. I think the story shows the maturity level or lack thereof of the mother.

[beckoes]

I dont think its the right thing to do...we were out at the beach the other day when DD bent down and dug something out of the sand...i was horrified when she handed me a ciggarette butt. I washed her hands right away and thought ' thank goodness she didnt put it in her mouth''
With out getting too personal about the mother herself, it seems clear that she thinks this is an acceptable thing to do, which i think speaks volumes about her own up bringing, her lifestyle choices and the things she will project as normal for her child as he grows up.

I have seen mothers like this myself. I worked in a pub about 7 years ago before i came to OZ (from the UK) and i witnessed a mother give her child, who was about 2 years old a 1/3 full bottle of 'reef' drink (an orange vodka alcopop) I thought she must not know its alcoholic and rushed over as the toddler was drinking the alcohol from a staw...i told her it was alcoholic and she told me to F off!! she knew that and it was his treat for being good while she was at the pub...only a few mouthfulls...never does him any harm. I couldnt belive any mother would find this an acceptable thing to do. She was asked to leave. I often think of that little boy and wonder what has become of him i alway thought, what chance does he stand when thats the world he thinks is normal!!

[Jennifer13]

My first thought would be, what happens if the baby eats or swallows the cigarette? If she is treating cigarettes as toys I'd be concerned for the child's safety if it ingests it.

I am shaking my head over the message about smoking and a baby as well.

[suse]

I'd be most concerned about the prospect of the baby eating (or attempting to eat) the cigarette, given that tobacco itself is toxic, and filtered cigarettes use fibreglass in the filter. Lit or unlit, tobacco is not something that a child who is at an age where they put anything and everything into their mouth should have access to.

It's concerning that a parent seems to show such a cavalier attitude to the access their child has to their cigarettes, it does raise the question of whether the parent/s leave their cigarettes within the child's reach? Even if they don't smoke in the house or around the child, it sounds like they don't have a very good understanding of the toxicity of tobacco if consumed.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

i don't even know what to say i am so utterly disgusted and to post it on Facebook!

[Bathsheba]

It's true Beck... the mother has obviously been raised in a way that this this kind of humour has great currency amongst her cirlce of friends and family. By posting the photo she is basically saying "hey, you'll appreciate this". She might actually be confused and disoriented when she doesn't get the reaction she was expecting. I then predict she will get defensive and angry because she will be unsettled/afraid that something she thought has currency doesn't. The best chance this mother has is if a person she is close to kindly points out that she should remove the photo and consider avoiding exposing her child to the harmful chemicals like arsenic that would have been in her child's mouth. It's a fundamental lack of education and a currency of risk taking within her village that is this amatuer psychologists belief about what has gone wrong here.

[Kailani]

I think it's disgusting really. Not funny, very immature on part of the mother and speaks volumes about what she must think is appropriate.

[Fleur]

I haven't read all the replies yet, will go back & read after posting...

I think primarily it's an error in judgement. It might be common sense to most of us - cigarettes are poisonous whether lit or unlit etc - but what I get from this is that maybe she just didn't think of that?
I don't see that she intended any harm, just maybe that she was ignorant as to the dangers.

So then if the intention was just a bit of 'harmless' fun & she didn't know any better - would you judge her for that?
Or lay the blame at a society which has left a young mother thinking this is ok?

I have recently seen people I know become critical of the way a younger acquaintance did things with their baby. But they had no family support, no-one to show them any better way...it's up to the rest of us soemtimes to GENTLY say '....no, not like that...here's another way...'

Davey returned to the scene of the crime (Facebook) to offer her insightful analysis of the situation in a special language understood by her fellow friends and status updaters.

- my first thought was 'there's one for Lamebook...'

ETA -Poopie, exactly that
and Beckoes - OMG

[Kazbah]

I don't think that it comes down to "responsible" or "irresponsible". 20 years ago, it wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this behaviour. Given the trend to adult-ise our children, this really isn't all that abnormal. Think of all those artworks of kids dressed up as bankers, stockbrokers & the likes, holding cigars, mobile phones and guns. None of these are widely reported negatively ...

But what I do find worrying is that I can't understand her reply Why Would SomeOne Do That To Me U Ollie No was taking U Yur Mine for lyfee Darlinggg Mummy Loves You . Sure, following on from Bathsheba's post, someone in her circle of friends has taken offense and we'll never know what exactly transpired - was she approached directly? was this the straw that broke the camel's back (pardon the pun).

Education, not ridicule is the best approach, and perhaps playing this out in the (inter)national media isn't the best solution.

[Nelle]

Dunno. Tobacco and co are not good for kids, that's a no brainer. In this case, it sounds like the mum doesn't see the big deal, and a bit of education would help her to take things more seriously next time.

But really - it's the sort of thing I would do - okay we're not smokers, but often we catch our kids doing something dodgy like drinking from Dad's coke bottle, climbing the shelves, fingerpainting with laundry powder all over the laundry floor - and we quickly snap a photo and then intervene. If we were smokers and our bub got into the pack and popped one his his mouth (which okay, means I should have the pack hidden better), it's very possible I'd quickly snap a pic with my phone before pulling it out and having some stern words about cigarettes and little mouths.

We have all sorts of photos with our kids in various scenarios, sometimes it's fun to snap the evidence and as a parent I judge the risk of taking an extra 5 seconds is okay.

Anyway. This mother in questions perhaps is lacking in education and hopefully that's addressed, but in general, I think that there can be a more reassuring explanation (even if it's not everyone's style), and I'd hate to think that other parents who have snapped the 'kid sucking on an unopened beer can' pic are feeling like they're particularly irresponsible. Sometimes a pic is evidence of irresponsibility, and other times it just looks that way.

[Curly]

It is neither responsible nor irresponsible...it is just stupid.

I hate these kind of photos, I don't like that kind of humour at all.

It's easy to jump up and down about all the potential repercussions and underlying meanings and whatnot but I highly doubt that her intention was to encourage the baby to smoke.

The cigarette wasn't lit and she probably thought it would look cute and funny...and obviously didn't think ahead to what might happen if the baby shoved the entire cigarette in his mouth.

[widdly]

the cigarette actually being in the baby's mouth is bl@@dy stupid.

However, I have a photo of DS at 5 weeks old, propped up on my Uncles bar in his shed with a bottle of scotch under his arm and a cigarette sitting on his top near his shoulder....when DH propped him up like that my first thought was Oh no, and I told him it was immature and not funny, but I can now see the humourous side of it I guess...but yeah, a very bogan thing to do, especially with my precious 5 weeks old