Partner doesn't have an interest in anything anymore

[Kigga]

I'm worried about my partner, the last few months he's just seemed to have lost interest in everything. He never really had any hobbies except gaming and has always had only one or two friends. He has no real ambition in life. He'll hop from facebook to a game to random browsing to facebook to a game in the space of 10minutes, his attention span is non existent. He started an IT course and went for about 3 weeks, he can do it all online and he started doing study a few times a week, which lasted for all of a fortnight. Before that he worked for 3 months, he has had a few jobs before. He has serious anger issues, never towards my child or I but little things, like he died in a game, or he forgot to do something, or like today he accidentally pulled out a power cord and got very angry. His libido is up and down, whether he sleeps for 3 hours or 13 he's constantly tired. He's tried having some kind of routine but that doesn't help. I am worried about depression, especially since he said he's been like this since about 14-15, so maybe just some kind of chemical imbalance? I don;t doubt he loves me and I don't think he's going to leave me but I just get so tired, I worl part-time and do all of the cooking and cleaning and apart from him changing th occasional nappy, giving some bottles and every few days taking babs for a walk so I can nap he's doesn't do much with our child. He does play with him but I really feel like he could do more. I've talked to him about this but he always says he doesn;t know whats wrong, he's just tired, he does do stuff around the house. I love him but I wish he wouldn't spend 12 hours a day just sitting on the couch in front of the computer. I need advice please

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

You may be onto something with the depression, will he talk to a gp about it?

[Arcadia]

Is he the primary carer for your child? Parenting can be really isolating for both men and women. Are there any dad's groups in the area he could join?

Does he have any career ambitions? I think he sounds a bit lost, which is also normal for new parents. He sounds unsettled in himself, which makes it hard to be motivated. Definitely unplugging the computer and getting more time outside would help his sleep and energy levels.

[JLeigh29]

Some great advice above. If he can get to a GP to discuss/treat the depression, it'll help give him the push he needs to join a dad's group, find work or do a course, turn the computer off and participate more in family life. He might need a push to see someone though...can you go too?

[glorious]

Yes in the depression part also does he smoke dope? (You don't have to answer) These are common behaviours of men who start smoking young and continue into adulthood.

[Footsteps]

Im going to pm you. Smoking dope. Really does effect moods. X

[Kigga]

Nah he doesn't smoke up. Not to say we both haven't tried it before I got pregnant but it's only happened maybe... five times between us? Sorry I don;t think I can PM until 50 posts. He's not primary caregiver, although I think a lot of it has to do with our child. He's so good and sweet with him, but doesn't do any of the work. I've mentioned depression and going to see a doctor but he's said he doesn't want to be on medication, his mother has mentioned it too. Unfortunately if we push he'll want to go even less. He also has social anxiety and so hates meeting new people, he's just not interested, he has his two friends and he's happy with that.

[Starfish]

Your DP sounds a lot like mine. Mine has depression and medication helps, especially with the anger issues.
No advice re the motivation to do things stuff, as I am struggling with the same issue.

[diannescruffy]

My DH is also very similar to this, he suffers from depression and anxiety. Seeing a GP and getting some help will make an enormous difference but he has to want that help. Can you talk to him about how this affects yourself and your child, he needs to also understand that his problems affects the family as well. What happens when he can no longer control his anger?

Regards,
Dianne

[Kigga]

I'm not worried about his anger, nothing I or our child does makes him angry, it's just stupid stuff like dying in a game or he forgot to do something around the house and whatnot. I've mentioned it to him but he doesn't want to go to a GP about it and he lies to his job network appointed psychologist (due to social anxiety) about how he feels, says he doesn't want to be on any medication, he's seen how much it changes people and can make them not themselves. I've told him no one can make him take meds but he might feel better if he can talk to someone he doesn't know personally about any problems he may be having or the way he feels. Not interested, it's like quitting smoking, you can only do it for yourself not someone else. I agree with him having to want to help himself but I have no idea how to help him get to that point. I worry that if I talk about it too much he'll be even less inclined to do something just because he's so stubborn, I don't want to nag or annoy him into it but talking and gently pushing isn't doing the trick