Planning on having 3 kids but now not sure?

[Salsa]

We had decided we wanted 3 kids but recently we are now wondering if we should stick with 2?
I guess I just want to hear from anyone else who decided on 3 but then stuck with 2 and for what reasons and how do you feel about it now?
I mostly seem to notice people happy with 2 end up having another later on....


Eta. I suppose i am wondering if anyone regretted having a third? or not having a third afterall?

[Willow]

Not sure if I'll be any help - I always wanted 3, but after m/c and IVF we thought we'd only manage 2. I was very sad about it but didn't think I had much of a choice, DH was adamant he didn't want to go through IVF again.

We were extremely blessed to fall prg very unexpectedly with #3 and we could NEVER regret that. I find it hard to imagine anyone could regret having a child, whether it's #1 or #6, but that's just my personal opinion.

2 just didn't feel like a complete family to me. I admit life was 'easier', a lot less chaotic but I wouldn't change it for anything.

I guess the magic number is different for everyone. I'm now finding myself day dreaming about #4 but that's very unlikely to happen. If 2 feels like it's right for you then I'd sit with it a while and see how you feel in a year or two. You can always change your mind!

[~Trish~]

I thought I'd see you in here Willow LOL!

I'm another who has just had number 3, there are definitely no regrets . I have to say though that it is SO much busier with three! Two is quite manageable and I didn't appreciate that until number three arrived . BUT I also wouldn't change it for the world. Three really does seem to make a family, an extra person to change the dynamics.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, you have to go with what you and your DH feel in the end. Good luck deciding!

[Arimeh]

Exactly what the other two said.

I didn't feel complete at 2 - so I guess its whether you feel complete when you look at your family, or if you sense something/someone missing from the family?

Although - I still feel that there is something missing from ours, but we're not going to have another one unfortunately

And I agree with Trish - its sooooo much busier with 3!!! lol

[sneakysparkle]

Oh no, I really wanted to hear "its not much busier at all with three!!" lol, I'm dreaming aren't I?

Sorry to hijack Salsa! I guess I'm in a similar position to you, we thought we'd have 3 or 4 but its pretty busy with 2! I think we're going to leave it a bit longer to decide. I'm happy having a little break

[*Ali*]

I have just been down the 2 or 3 road, really struggling with the decision whether to go for number 3. I had a big issue about age gaps, and didnt want there to be a big gap between DS and #3, I fel rushed and pressured and quite honestly I felt very very paniced. However, due to work, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE, I have decided to put having #3 on hold for a while- I need to finish my next 2 month contract before I can take more maternity leave.
Now I am much more relaxed about having #3, yes there will be over 3 years between DS and #3 , and nearly 5 years between DD and #3, when there is only 18 months between DD and DS, but at the end of the day what difference does that make- they will all be brothers and sisters, and will love each other regardles. DD will be at school fulltime by the time I have the next one, and DS should be toilet trained and much more independen, which I think will make life alot easier because having the first 2 close together was lots of work.

So I guess where I am coming from, is there is no rush to make a decision- enjoy having just 2 for a while, I think deep down you will know whether having #3 is right for your family or not. Some very wise once told me that you will never have enough money and there will never be a 'right' time to have a baby, but your heart always knows ! Good luck with making the decision.

[Pandora]

we were always planning three, but are stopping at 2.
There are a few reasons but the main one is my health and the toll having big babies has taken on my body - i just dont think I can do it again.

We're both a little dissapointed to come to this decision, DH a bit more than me I think but ultimately i think its the best one for us.

[Bathsheba]

That was what has stopped us from going on to have more (my health)... i always used to say i wanted an "even number"of children 2/4/6. But it's funny when you have no other choice that you start to see the beauty in what you have

[Curly]

That was what has stopped us from going on to have more (my health)... i always used to say i wanted an "even number"of children 2/4/6. But it's funny when you have no other choice that you start to see the beauty in what you have

:yeahthat:

I wanted the even number too! I was one of three and always swore I would never have 3 kids. Had to be 2 or 4 (or even 6 in my wildest moments). And now I have 2 beautiful children and I have a clean bill of health for the impending arrival and I am happy to say that is enough for me.

It was like I said to DH early on in our discussions "we don't have to go ahead and do it just because it's what we said we were going to do, there is no harm in changing our minds. Life happens."

[Curly]

Just following on...if we were making our decisions based on emotions, we would have a football team. We love our babies and we would be fascinated to see what our genes would come up with numerous times. When I got pregnant with Number 3, there was still no question about Number 4. It has been as this pregnancy has progressed that the issue has come up.

But it's not just about that. There are practicalities. Money. Time. Quality of life. The more kids we have, the less of us there is to go around. Freedom - a baby does restrict your life and the life of its elder siblings. Sleep. Housing. Cars. Schooling. Social life. Holidays. Health. Your age and how old you will be when your child is X years old. Emotional capacity to cope. Your village or lack thereof. And your own needs, wants and dreams - for your own self as well as your children and what you want to provide for them. It's all very well to have a tiny, gorgeous, brand new scrap of humanity in your arms but if you can't parent it as confidently, competently, calmly and contentedly as you would like to then that isn't fair. Not to mention the curve balls that life throws at you anyway.

That was our train of thought and from that we came to the conclusion that 3 is our magic number. I do wonder if I will be haunted by the ghost of Number 4, so to speak, but I am worrying about that less as I become more sure of stopping at 3. DH hasn't got the snip yet, just in case...we are leaving the gate open for a while to let the decision settle, but once again, as we think about it more, I'm finding he is now openly telling people he's probably going to get the snip. It's not an instant decision, it's one that evolves, we have found.