PMS and your family

[Nimra]

Here Iam and need a piece of advice. My PMS are ruining my life.they are getting more intense ever year.Atleast fifteen days before my period i get
bad moods, tears, irritable, all past issues ( from ppl around me) i turned to a monster.

symptoms are so adverse they are effecting my family life.I could feel my DD feel more comfort in her dads company than me. Unlike you all
I feel Iam a worse mother on this planet i don't get any time to play with her (chores cleaning, cooking, washing occupy my all time) now since
I have 2 month old bub DD feels so neglected and on top of that my "PMS".

At times i feel like Iam suffering a mild depression after birth. there are days when I feel only like crying.if DD make mess I yell and later i feel so guilty i can't express but that guilt not doing any improvement in me Iam same person next day.lethargy and tired a hopeless mum who wants to run away and have some life.I feel like iam a robat doing same things every day in a routine.

I don't have any friends either, since we migrated here six years ago I tried to make friends with my husbands friends wives but i didn't like their company too (found back stabbing kind of women, who are only interested to come our home on teas and dinners don't like to invite any one at there homes. After four years i have decided enough is enough ppl are just using us and no more dinner for any one and I have stopped answering my home phones too)

please help How to become a good mum.I have seen so many wonderful, polite, soft spoken moms. I want to be like them but my effort works only for couple of days and then again iam a same yelling monster ( I hate me for this )

i want to be the best mom who plays with her children and be very friendly (iam following footsteps of my mom , i had always seen her busy in chores, providing us food on time, ironing our uniforms, she loved us but she was never friendly to us,) and iam exactly doing that,I don't want to be like mom , i want to be a happy and friendly person for my kids for my husband.

[Calluna]

Gentle hugs honey. Maybe speak to your gp about the PMS and how you are feeling. Maybe seek a referal to a psychologist if you dont already see one.
Also, do you get time out for just you? I find I am much more relaxed and get frustrated less when I am getting enough me time.

For what its worth- as mums we all have crappy days. We all get angry and frustrated at times and Im willing to bet we all yell. I know I sure do! Much more than I should and it is something that Im working on all the time.
And that perfect soft spoken mum that seems to have it all together, Im sure, she snaps sometimes too. I know Im a much better parent when there are witnesses.

Im not saying dont try to be better, but try to remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent. So cut yourself some slack. There is always something that needs work, always something that we could be doing better. The important thing is that we try. We do the best that we can at the time and look for ways to improve the things we arent happy with.

Reaching out here is a massive step, so well done! I hope that you can be a happier mummy for your little people. Happy mummy = happy children.

P.S good on you for ditching the freeloading "friends". They sound like a-holes and they deserve each other. Try joining a playgroup or something if you can. Some of them can be a bit clicky, but keep trying. Once you find a good one it is so worth it!

[Nimra]

Calluna
awee what a sweet post and advice. you made me so teary how to say you thanks its seems a small word.i thought you all going to think me a monster.
after reading your msg i hugged my DD so tight , cuddled my two months old little man.felt a lot better still crying to make me feel better.
My doctor also given me a referal to a psychologist but out of this busy routine I am failed get some time for me and see a psychologist.which I feel i should do ASAP.

you are so right I should rejoin some playgroup DD used to go, i always felt better there playing with my little darling.

thanks and hugs

[Calluna]

not even close to a monster. No way. You obviously love your little ones very much. Its just that you are having a tough time.
Im glad you feel a bit better. Mummy guilt is horrible.

Make sure you make that time for you. You are important too, how can you look after others if you dont look after yourself? Hand the kids over to hubby and walk out that door. Do the shopping on your own or go for a coffee. It is hard, but your sanity is worth it and you will feel better for it.

If you cant make a time when you dont have the children with you, the psychologist should be ok with you bringing them to appointments. If they arent, try another one. It can be tricky finding one you click with, but when you do, they are worth their weight in gold.

[Pholi]

I agree with Calluna about trying a playgroup to find some new friends. One of the best things about my Playgroup mummies is that we are all willing to admit that we struggle with our lives as mums and housekeepers, there is no judgement, just support and acceptance, and often a lot of real help, too - suggestions, loaning things, offers of baby-sitting so each get some time out, etc.

[bubno.3]

hi hugs as well as i hear you loud and clear ..... a question where is dh? does he help and could he take the kids whilst you have me time or the drs visits ?

and hello you have just had a baby 2 months did i read ....um 8 weeks ago you gave birth sounds like sleep is needed and appreciation for you as a mum ...

[Butterfly Dawn]

sounds very lonely.
I moved countries about the same time you did and also haven't made friends of my own, its very hard.

If you have a new baby I think that's also very hard and going from one child - 2 children is another challenge.


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