Raising a one and only child chat thread.

[Astrolady]

This thread is for families that are raising an only child.

(This thread is not designed for members who have one child but are considering having more. xo)

[Starfish]

Hello

Is this thread the first of its kind?

We have an only child. Haven't decided yet if we will try for another one in the future or not. At the moment we are happy with just one. She's nearly 3.

Anybody else?

[danniellabella]

Hi Starfish - I'm currently in the same boat. We have a 2 year old and don't know if we want another one. The longer we leave it the less I want another child. When I was pregnant with DD we said that if we had a boy then we'd only have one kid (DH wants a son). My only reasons for thinking about another bub are: 1) DH wants a son and 2) friends, family and society expect 2-3 kids in a family and people just don't get it when I say that we don't know if we're going to have another one. Those reasons aren't good enough for me. It would be nice to have a son if we do have another one - but you can't guarantee that and as for friends, family & society - They aren't the ones who go through the pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights, dirty nappies and everything else.

The other reason I'm totally off the idea is I had a traumatic experience giving birth and during the first year of DD's life and I don't want to go through that again. Everyone says that it'll be different next time but how do they know? No one can absolutely promise me it'll be different.

In any case, we're giving it another year before making any long term decisions one way or the other.

[Nettie]

Another one-kid Mummy here.

Also not sure if we'll have any more - I'd like another one, but DH isn't as keen and seeing as he's the stay-at-home-Dad, he gets more say in it than me!

Also, we don't have another room we can put a second child into without HUGE changes in the house (which we're not sure we can do), so it's all a bit hard.

I'm also now 36 years old *gulp* and it took 8 months to get pg with Liam when I'd lost 18 kgs.. not sure I could do it easily again!

I really liked being pg though

P.S. - Having only one child worries me in one way: If anything should happen to him, it would make my entire world crumble. I worry about this a lot - does everyone else??

[MummyNaomi]

Hi Girls, We have one, and I think I have another baby in me so to speak, but DH will need some more convincing as (a) our son was born via IVF and going through that again would be very hard, and (b) our son has hip dysplasia and has spent the last 5 months in a hip brace with one more to go and I think that has my DH very scared about what might happen again

Having only one child worries me in one way: If anything should happen to him, it would make my entire world crumble. I worry about this a lot - does everyone else??

I have thought this, also have thought about what if in many years to come when DH and I have passed on what if DS is left alone in the world without any immediate family - eeeeeeek!

So many things to consider

[Lilly-Pilly]

I'm a mother of an 8 year old DD (turning 9 this year!)
I only had one because at the time circumstances didn't allow more (Left her dad when she was 15 months old)
Now I can honestly say I would not be upset if I never have any more kids. If she was my one and only then I don't think i'd ever regret it, and the older she gets, the more this is confirmed.
Having said that, my now partner has no children, and if he decided he wanted kids then I would probably agree pretty easily, more because I don't think its fair to not let him have that when I do, however, if he didn't want children that wouldn't worry me either.

My DD had 4 extremely close cousins, and some other cousins that aren't as close, but the three boys and one girl (cousins) and DDare as close as ever and are almost like her honaray siblings. We see my nephew at least every second day, and the other three two or three times a week

ETA: I hated being pregnant, i was sick the whole time, spent time in the royal womens, had all sorts of problems and ended with a 32 hour birth. I love that I'm finally working a job i absolutly LOVE and worked my butt off to get there. The idea of 'stopping' all that to take time out to have another baby and to have to be pregnant again scares me alot!

[Jaycee]

That's true Nettie but I wonder if they feel like that in adulthood as well. DH always says by the time we are gone DS will have his own family but I often wonder if that would be enough. Would he be resentful of the fact he has no other immediate family? I dunno, just another thing I often think about...

[Lilly-Pilly]

My sister and I are 17 months apart and care as close as ever. We see each other most days, our kids are togehter ALOT and we rely on each other for EVERYTHING. I would be lost without her and love knowing that she's there for me no matter what. It saddens me that my DD wont have the same as that, but then we weren't that close to extended family, where as I make sure DD and her cousins are close and spend alot of time together.
In the end, as much as I wish DD would have a close sibling down the track liek I did, it simply wasn't an option for me to have more kids so its just something I have to accept I can't change. I can however, instill my belief to DD about how important family are to each other and the importance of sticking together as a family so she hopefully has that closeness with her cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents etc

[Nettie]

That's true Nettie but I wonder if they feel like that in adulthood as well.

The person I was discussing it with was an adult. She would have been around my age and felt no resentment whatsoever.

TBH - I don't know many 'only child' adults (or kids for that matter!). I might have to suss it out a bit and question a few people that I might find!

[danniellabella]

Haven't posted here for a while. We have to know by January if we're having another bub or not because I'm on thyroid replacement medication and my specialist needs to know before I get pregnant so she can tell me how much I will need to increase my dose by as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. I've told DH that we need to have a serious think about if we are going to have another one and if we'll be TTC next year or not because my implanon finishes in April 2011.

Though, now that we're almost finished with nappies I'm not really thrilled by the thought that we might have to do it all again IYKWIM. Selfish attitude isn't it?!

[Nettie]

I know exactly what you mean Danni... I'm thinking the same thing about the nappies!

[widdly]

Corelly - I have heard so many parents say that about if their first was as bad as there 2nd, 3rd whatever child then they would have had an only for sure. I guess I should think myself lucky that I had the bad baby first and didnt have to worry about other children to look after as well as teh hard baby.

Nettie - My DH is an only and he sayd exactly the same thing. He knew no different, he thought his only childhood was great, he doesnt miss sibling now either.

Dee - I have a sister 2.5 years younger than me and we grew up as best friends too, still hang out together a lot as well, it was the most amazing childhood having each other. However our other 2 sisters are 19 months apart and hated each other for 16 years, they have only started enjoying each others company this year, so there are no guarrantees

daniellabella - not selfish at all!! Selfish would be to have more babies anyway and then feel resentment or unhappiness afterwards. Most of the time I feel selfish, dont wanna do all the nappies, sleepless nights stuff, but I still have my super clucky times (like tonight) where I just want to steal someones baby to raise LOL! Mother nature is cruel to us!!

[danniellabella]

I know exactly what you mean Danni... I'm thinking the same thing about the nappies!

I feel soooo much better for reading that. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. LOL

DH said today that if I were to seriously say lets have another baby he'd be up for it, but that he doesn't want me to just say it because he'd like to see if we get a boy, he said that it's not a good idea to have a baby if the mother doesn't really want one.

[dusty]

Wow this is an awesome thread! Thanks for suggesting it Anney & starting it mods.

Over the last 7 months of this pg I have decided to raise our Phoenix as an only child. We were going to have a stack of kids (well maybe 3!) but after 5.5 yrs to get to this point I just can't live my life wishing for more than what I will soon have.
I've seen too many people continue to be heartbroken even after having a child after LTTTC (I agree Anney that 2ndary IF may be even harder than primary) & I want to live every day happy & secure in the knowledge that we love our child & know how lucky we are to have the one & that 3 people is a family for us. I will probably even use birth control, an alien concept to me but one that will help I think. We will probably transfer our frozen embryos at some stage in the future to give them a chance of life but we will do it knowing that if they don't work it will be a shame but fine IYKWIM as we already have a family.

I know that I want Phoenix to grow up secure that doing it as a solo kid is fine & mummy & daddy couldn't be happier.
There's been some chat in here about how we can project our wishes & concerns onto the only child. I think knowing I can avoid this by accepting and rejoicing in being a 3 person family will help us all be a happy unit.
I'm lucky that most people we know have knowledge of our journey & accept that Phoenix is an amazing gift & don't question my "s/he will most likely be an only child". I'm grateful TBH as I want the conversation to move on from trying to have kids (or more kids) to the realities of actually having a kid in our life.
I feel liberated & happy & excited to move ahead with our soon to be journey as a family of 3.
I look forward to learning more from you all about the joys and challenges of being a one kid family
Xx

[Nettie]

Is everyone familiar with the movie 'Regarding Henry' with Harrison Ford and Annette Benning?

If so, you'll understand when I say that we want our family to be as together as theirs (at the end!). We'll just get a puppy instead of a 2nd baby!

If you haven't seen it - I highly recommend it. Especially if you look at it from the 'only child' angle. I look forward to hearing your reports by Friday... ha ha ha ha..

[smiles4u]

Is everyone familiar with the movie 'Regarding Henry' with Harrison Ford and Annette Benning?

If so, you'll understand when I say that we want our family to be as together as theirs (at the end!). We'll just get a puppy instead of a 2nd baby!

If you haven't seen it - I highly recommend it. Especially if you look at it from the 'only child' angle. I look forward to hearing your reports by Friday... ha ha ha ha..

... i will promise to get my homework done by Friday teach, ROFL ...yeh i don't think i've seen it if i had it would have been before DD's days for me not to remember it IYKWIM ... i will check it out

Once again my sincere thanks to the Mods in starting this thread which is quite sometime after i requested it but it sure as heck was worth the wait, i'm so thrilled

[RhiChiChi]

Wrong place to post

[Nettie]

Smiles - don't forget the tissues... And I wanna hear what you thought - particularly about the 'only child' aspect.