After having DH away for 3 1/2 months, he's now home and I expected to get this huge rush of energy and enthusiasm for all the projects I delayed during his absence.
Instead I feel flat, exhausted, and like I'm going to scream if I have to even wash ONE plate, wipe one surface, or empty one bin. I'm totally OVER the domestic experience. Fullstop. I need a break!!
So how do you refresh yourself, how do you find inspiration to keep going, what do you do to enjoy your life and not just shuffle through it in survival mode? I know the answer has something to do with state-of-mind, but I'm just too exhausted right now to reach into myself and find that clarity.
MD I know how you feel, I'm sure we've all had our days when we just dont have the motivation to carry on. Ways I refresh are, when M goes down for her daytime nap I dont do any housework, regardless of how messy the place is, & instead find time for me. Whether it be with a book, on the internet or even just painting my toe nails!! I also find going out for a walk on my own to be great & you can do that now that your DH is back. Exercise is not only good for your body but also your mind. I know you were studying, but I find going to work two days a week really helps with breaking it up, and I love getting out on my own and talking to adults. Good to see you are going out to tea tonight....(facebook??)
MD - since he is home - go for an hour massage, a movie, coffee at coffee shop (with cake!) then have a nice long soak in the tub with a glass of wine and chocolates...
Ahhhh yup - thats my fantasy
Oh and get a cleaner in to do your house over - just this once!!
I struggle being at home because the house has no storage so there is stuff everywhere and nowhere to put it. I guess I cope with that by telling myself that it will all be sorted soon when we renovate and by visualising it in my head when it's all done and going through magazines/catalogues to choose what I want.
But I do try to get out of the house as much as possible. I've learnt that there's no point sometimes trying to get the house shipshape before we go out for a walk because the day will just disappear and there will be no walk. So I often leave the house in chaos, get out and when I come back I'm in a much better mood and better able to cope with the idea of housework.
Apart from that, I try to get some 'me' time and sort of give myself mini-treats or things to look forward to. That could be as simple as something today which is to go to the end of my street (2 mins) away to try on a dress that I've seen in the window. All up that will probably take 30 minutes but it's something to look forward to.
Marydean, I know exactly how you feel! My DH is in the forces and constantly goes away leaving me with the kids and all the domestic chores. When he comes home I look forward to sharing the housework, cooking, general looking etc after the kids but it never really seems to happen. I just want a break sometimes. I know that my DH works hard while away but he also gets 'downtime' while there and I don't... EVER. Just sometimes its nice to be left alone for a bit, like having a shower, going to the toilet etc. My little vent over.
My time out/sanity breaks tend to come in odd ways. Like hanging the washing out in peace (read: without kids behind me, they're indoors), having eyebrows waxed (I know a little painful but relaxing too as its 'me' time), walking around shops even just window shopping. When DH comes home he also tends to take the girls out for a few hours so I can just relax without them for a while. Sitting in a nice cafe having decent coffee and big chunk of yummy cake is wonderful too while the kids have babycinos and feel grown up. Also, DON'T DO housework for the day, take a break from cooking (order home delivery), when kids in bed have a loooong bath and relax.
Thanks ladies, well I told DH I was on STRIKE from my domestic duties which sort of helped, for a little while anyway. Except for the fact that I have to keep being my own SCAB labour () whenever DH is deficient. Ie I have spent the last several days picking up all the unsafe things he's been leaving lying around (ie betadine bottle, knives, glass candle...!!) and forgetting to feed/change/attend to the toddler (). BUT I haven't had to wash dishes or do laundry or anything for a couple of days so I'm starting to feel better. On the other hand, DH has a very chaotic way of doing things so everything still looks worse before it gets better - the place still looks like a bomb has gone off.
Fiona, I know what you mean about being driven crazy by the clutter. We are long overdue for a clutter clean out but I just don't feel equipped to tackle it myself with a toddler hanging from my legs. I definitely feel better when I can get through a little project like tidying a cupboard or weeding a bookshelf. More calm and in control.
Curl, Yes they do work hard but they also get downtime while they are away, and like my DH said, it was three + months of not having to think about what's for dinner or what time the children need to be fed by!!! I love your idea of a looooong bath, we have organised to go down to the coast tmrw and I booked accom with a huge deep bath especially (I'm taking my candle so I can just lie there floating in the semi darkness). I'm pretty sure after that I'll be feeling rejeuved again.
Mel - I am most definitely going to treat myself to a massage with aromatherapy.
About 2 months ago the same thing happened to me. I woke up tired every morning so was pretty much surviving on caffeine. I just had no energy. Eventually my DP understood that I really did need a little bit of help. During his 3 weeks holidays he got DD up so I could sleep in. I would get up and the dishes would be done, DD was fed and clean. I then made myself nap when DD had her naps. It took me a good month to get my energy back!!! It was just sleep that I needed most.
MaryDean,
Some quick and cheap(ish) ideas to get your mo-jo back...
- Make Sunday afternoon's Mum's Day - sit on a rug in the shady back yard, get a new glossy mag and paint your toe-nails, and eat something really naughty. ($6-7?)
- At three in the afternoon, I treat myself to 'Tea-Time'. I bought a special cup that is all mine, and make either a nice tea or one of those mocha-cappa things. Just having that 15 minutes gives you a 'oomph' for the afternoon dinner-washing-bath times. ($2)
- Have a candlelit dinner for you and the kids - they will love it too. No lights, radio, telly, just candles. The kids think it's a birthday party! (free?)
- Even going into Gloria Jeans for one of those decadent OMG coffee's with the lot and just sitting, watching the other frazzled mums battle kids and grocery's can make you feel relaxed. ($4)
- Go to the video store and actually get something out that YOU like. I have a 'video' day once a week, where the housework goes up the creek and I watch vids. (($4)
- Have a look at FlyLady for some great ideas on how to cut down on your daily cleaning routines. She is a god-send for those SAHM who need a bit of guidance.
Sometimes its hard not to feel like it's groundhog day. We spend all day cleaning, wiping, washing, folding, clearing, and then hey presto - guess what? The very next morning is the same thing. My main frustrations are washing clothes, and dinners. So once I identified the things that make me frustrated, I decided to change it up a bit. Dinners - well, if I peel the spuds and get it ready in the morning, at 5 in the afternoon I have more motivation to just go up stairs and turn the knob on instead of doing the lot. Also with washing - I actually timed myself for each task - hanging, folding. And once I got it into my head that it only took 7 minutes to hang, 12 mintues to fold, 3 to put away. So when I am feeling really low, and not motivated, it helps to think - well, it's only 12 minutes....
Sometimes it is good to put your foot down and politely 'demand' a nap. Everyone in my family knows that on the weekends, no matter who is visiting, I usually have to go upstairs and 'supervise' my kids's nap time - hehehe!
Be kind to yourself. Don't feel like doing housework? Then either go on strike (as you did) and you'll get so ripped off about the mess a few days later you'll tear into it with relish, or see your day as employed work - if you were at full-time work, you'd take a morning tea break, lunch break, phone calls, trips to the postoffice. My DH says that 2 hours a day is sufficient to get the house organised and then the rest of the day is mine...
Anyways, time to go swish and swipe, hang and fold and the day is mine - with my shiny purple toenails thanks to Mum'sDay yesterday!
SAHM Burnout - how do you refresh yourself?
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) whenever DH is deficient. Ie I have spent the last several days picking up all the unsafe things he's been leaving lying around (ie betadine bottle, knives, glass candle...!!) and forgetting to feed/change/attend to the toddler (
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