Should I just not reply or is that too rude?

[*Efjay*]

My grandparents on my *cough deadbeat cough* dads side have never had a huge amount to do with me growing up. I am polite to them when they are around etc. But I don't go out of my way to contact them or have a relationship with them.
I know things about them (nan mostly) about how they treated my Mum many many years ago & just from stuff I have experienced with them personally, I really am not that interested in having a relationship with them. It all seems too fake for me.

Anyway They make an effort with the kids, send a card at birthdays, bring presents for xmas & eggs for easter etc. I just humor it all really. But I don't really care either way.

So Nan has sent me a message via FB ( I don't actually have her on list, DH does though?) asking for our addy up here in cairns so she can send some money to get the kids easter eggs.

Is it too rude if I just don't reply? Im really not interested in maintaining contact but I don't want to actually say that KWIM?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

If it comes up in future say you never got the message. Cant be rude if you never got it...

[RhiChiChi]

If she is on your DH list then don't respond!

Nah, it would be a bit rude, but having said that, I have an Aunt whom we don't have anything to do with anymore (Mum had a falling out with her sister, my Aunt) and it got to the point where my cousin deleted me off her FB. But the Aunt still sends my DD gifts for her b'day, Xmas etc.... I have no idea why but I never ring to thank her or anything. I don't think she has our new address b/c she passes the gifts through my other Aunt.

[~Jayne~]

Hey There,

Would your children realise that Nanna & Grandad had not sent something, seen them for Easter? If you know they wouldn't even realise, then I would just let it slide.

It's a really tough one, but I'm loving LittleMissSummer's suggestion of pretending you never got it. Delete is such a magical button!

[*Ash*]

Hey There,

Would your children realise that Nanna & Grandad had not sent something, seen them for Easter? !

This is a valid point. How is the relationship between your Nan and your kids? Non-existant? Or is it worth maintaining some level of contact for the sake of your kids as it may be important to them (in the future, if not now)?
All the best.

[LimeSlice]

Yes it would be rude.
If you don't want her contact, be polite, write back saying "no not necessary, thank you for your offer but we couldn't possibly take your money, the kids don't need more chocolate (haha) anyway" All very convivial. Just don't give your address and she can't send anything anyway.

But not answering at all would be rude, yes.

Not sure though why you care if she sends the kids presents? She is obviously happy to do so and it doesn't hurt you any to accept them and the kids therefore have that contact and will remember that they had it. Spoiling their relationship, albeit a superficial one, for your own prejudices seems really quite selfish. JMO though!

[Kamarine]

Not sure though why you care if she sends the kids presents? She is obviously happy to do so and it doesn't hurt you any to accept them and the kids therefore have that contact and will remember that they had it. Spoiling their relationship, albeit a superficial one, for your own prejudices seems really quite selfish. JMO though!

We don't receive presents from my mother for our two. She has no relationship with her.
She is a danger to their mental state as she was mine. And usually anything given comes with hidden strings.

We like Munchkin (and Nao when she's old enough) to thank gift givers.

The OP has valid reasons for not wanting it. It's not selfish to protect kids from that sort of relationship.


I would personally be upfront about it with them. Ignoring it doesn't solve anything. They may just get it off a different family member.

[LimeSlice]

Anyway They make an effort with the kids, send a card at birthdays, bring presents for xmas & eggs for easter etc. I just humor it all really. But I don't really care either way.

The OP has valid reasons for not wanting it. It's not selfish to protect kids from that sort of relationship.

What I a getting at is if they already just send eggs and cards, then why the desire to impede that now just because FJ ha moved?
Whatever reasons exist to not have much to do with them herself, they have never interfered with the relationship the grandparents have has with their great grandchildren. So why change that now, especially if the relationship consists of practically only 'holiday contact' anyway? If the kids have another couple of birthday cards, the experience of knowing there are 2 more people in the world who care about them, why stop that?
I wasn't passing judgement on the veracity of FJ's reasons themselves to not care to much for them herself itms.

[*Efjay*]

Na the kids wouldn't notice at all. To them they are just people they get a present off now & then. I don't think they would even recognise them in the street TBH.

Lime, I see your point. I was going to reply with no address but then thought ah whats the point of even doing that.
I'll see if I can write something that is polite that doesn't give out an address at the same time.

[Glamourcide]

I agree with Lime on this one, just from the info you've given us (and I am aware there could be much more to the story!). I'd just message back with something along the lines of, 'We really appreciate the thought but it's not necessary' and maybe suggest that they could send a card or something instead of money/chocolate (but then that would require you giving out your address). Sorry, I'm not much help with this kind of stuff!

[*Efjay*]

Yeah I just kept it simple, said they didn't need to send money & gave them my addy. I guess its not like they are going to turn up unexpected or anything.

[Kamarine]

What I a getting at is if they already just send eggs and cards, then why the desire to impede that now just because FJ ha moved?
Whatever reasons exist to not have much to do with them herself, they have never interfered with the relationship the grandparents have has with their great grandchildren. So why change that now, especially if the relationship consists of practically only 'holiday contact' anyway? If the kids have another couple of birthday cards, the experience of knowing there are 2 more people in the world who care about them, why stop that?
I wasn't passing judgement on the veracity of FJ's reasons themselves to not care to much for them herself itms.

I know you weren't. I was just saying that maybe there is a reason that she wants to interfere in the relationship.

As for timing sometimes you need an opportunity to do it.

I agree with you but not knowing the reasons it's easier to have two sides, both right.

I didn't mean for it to be an attack at you.

[AndiE]

I can understand why you're not particularly interested in them sending stuff to the kids if there is little relationship there. I do wonder though if this is their way of contributing something toward your family given the lack of overall relationship, kwim? Having said that - you know them and the history, I don't. You know what's best for your family.

Alternatively, if them having your address is an issue, could you either get a post box or get stuff sent to your local post office for pick-up (they could notify you of anything sent via fb)?