Sorting out guardians for children in event of death (not something I

[AnyDream]

OK, I see two different issues here, and the guardianship itself is only one of them.

The other issue is that there is a big difference of opinion here, and you and your partner don't have an established method of resolving it. It's not ok (in my opinion) that he went ahead and talked to his family without reaching agreement with you first. BUT he may think that because he told you he thought his parents were better that meant you'd discussed it (that's what happens in our house). Maybe talking about the way you talk, agree, and disagree will help clear up whether there was a misunderstanding or whether he has just ignored your opinion. In any case, you need to discuss how you and he are going to proceed in situations where you both disagree strongly.

Re the guardianship - I think you should sit down and list fully what the pro's and con's for each set of parents are - and include all the little details. There may be some reasons why each of you don't want the kids to go to the other parents - but you're being too diplomatic to say it. In this case you need to be honest. Things like "your parent's house smells' or 'I trust your mum/dad but I'm not sure about the new wife/husband' are all valid and need to be taken into consideration. But at the end of the day, what is most important is that there is someone who will love your children unconditionally.

[Astrid]

Went though something similar with DH. Has adamant his mother would be guardian, he was such a mummy's boy and he had his mother and her parenting on a pedestal. I wanted a friends who were closer to our age to be guardian.

Eventually he came around to the idea. I really promoted the idea that Grandma should stay Grandma and that she can be still very involved in the girls lives. I think the role of grandparent is important and more so with the loss of parents. Also his mother had been ill with bowel cancer and I think he began to see that maybe she was not the best choice. He has spoken to her about out choice of guardian and why we have chosen her and her family (she is a BB member so wont say too much ). Thankfully she understands (well she did at the time, she is going a tad dotty so hopefully does not forget)