Hi, I am a dad to 3 beautiful children (1 girl - 4yo, 2 boys - 2 and 10 months). Their mother and I separated about 8 months ago, it was a mutual and amicable separation and we share custody of the kids 50/50. The relationship was over a long time before separation, realistically not long after we became pregnant with #3. We discussed everything at length and decided that it was for the best to separate, rather than staying together 'just for the kids' and ending up hating or resenting each other. In truth we grew apart and our lives were heading in different directions. All seems to be going fairly well after a few months of adjustment to the new arrangements. The kids are happy and thriving.
I have recently entered a new relationship with an old friend. The relationship is progressing well and we are both very happy. The kids have known M since they were born and are very comfortable around her. My ex initially had a few doubts about M coming into my, and the kids lives, but has grown to be comfortable with the way things are progressing.
Which leads to my question:
M isn't sure what she should be introduced as. She doesn't want to be known as "Dad's Girlfriend" but doesn't feel that she fills the "Step-mum" role. As she interacts with school and daycare along with myself and the kids mum, she often finds herself mistaken for the mother of my 3, and doesn't really know how to introduce herself and her relationship to the children.
Does anyone have any ideas for an alternative to Dad's Girlfriend or Step Mum?
I have a friend who's new partner is referred to as "Special J" by the kids. But that doesn't really help with what you should call M or how she should introduce herself. Although an adult can always say "Hi, I'm M, K's partner" and have people understand the relationship quite easily.
i agree just use hi im M, K's partner...i call my step mum by her name so do my lil sisters, though they are older....but why canyt they call them the same name theyve always used...
when i first started seeing my hubby his son called me K tha was cool, but once i started meeting friends etc it was easier to be called step-mum or even just mum some times.
the situation is slightly different as we have full custordy of DS so to schools and the like i am his mother figure so to speak..
K's partner works well and leaves no ambiguity as well.
Yeah I agree it is a tough one.. Dp and I aren't married but I introduce my self as Step mum.. there really is no other word to describe mine and DSS' relationship. I would be interested in hearing what other people think..
For me using the 'Hi, I'm A, J's partner' would only work if they know J.. It's hard ringing a docs surgery for example so I usually just say 'I want to make an app for my Step son' Rather than 'My partner's son' Guess it could work though..
My partner has a 5YO daughter and i have been in her life since she was 3, i dont have a 'title' she just calls me Amy. Although if she's playing with my neice she calls me Aunty Amy as my niece does and she idolises her so copies most of what she says haha.
Some people who dont really know our situation sometimes say 'go and ask mum' or something along those lines and its too long a story to explain so i just smile and nod. Most of the time she corrects them tho
Im a bit confused on what you mean by what should she be introduced as? Cant you just say this is M? Are you talking about to the kids or to other people? If the kids already know her id just continue calling her what they do now?
As heavenly said, i do the same, i call my Step mum by her name
I think he means if she meets his teacher without him there or something.. Say I was meeting DSS' teacher without DP.. I would say 'Hi, I'm A, Litte J's step mum' Rather than 'Hi I'm A' cos then the teacher wouldn't know where I fit in with little J.. And I wouldn't say 'Hi I'm A, Dp's girlfriend' either because it sounds a bit schoolish if that makes sense.. Did I make sense at all?? At least I know what I'm on about
The kids call M by her name, which she is happy with.
As an example of a situation: My daughter is starting Prep next week and M dropped in to the school yesterday to pick up a book pack for her as I was unable to get there. The teacher asked M if "mummy" was excited about school starting. M wasn't sure how to reply, as she doesn't feel comfortable with "step mum" and Dad's Girlfriend sounds a little bit strange. She just said, oh, I'm not mum I'm just a friend.
I think K's Partner is ok, and I've also heard the term Co-mum, rather than step mum.
The funny thing is that 2 out of my 3 kids could easily pass as M's children, they have the same pale skin, hair and eye colour, which strangely is completely different from their mum and I.
Ohh i see. In that case id probably (personally) go with K's partner. I feel wierd calling my DP 'boyfriend' it feels like im in school again lol.
I dont feel like a 'Step Mum' either; but i had this dilema the other day when DSD had a rash and i wanted to get something from the chemist, i sat there for ages thinking what do i say? "Hi, my ... has a blah blah" never really figured out what goes where the ... is.
Step Parenting Question
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Are you talking about to the kids or to other people? If the kids already know her id just continue calling her what they do now?
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