The sperm donor is back in town
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Tanya
I am actually quite lucky in that Em & Jack's Dad is still around and sees them every holidays but thought about what I would do if I was in your situation. Please do not see this as an attack on you ... that is as far from the truth as possible. I do want to comvey, with honesty, my feelings about the situation.
To be honest Alecia is old enough to make the decision on her own about if she wants to see him or not but along with that goes the ability to form her own opinions of her Dad. She should be allowed to ask him why he hasn't been around and to tell him how it has made her feel. His responses to her questions will be enough for her to form her own opinions and as much as it might hurt you to think about it she may just want to get to know her Dad.
The one thing I have had made myself do since splitting up with my XH is to make sure that I have never imposed my opinions about him on to the kids. I have never bad mouthed him in front of the kids (not saying that you have) and I have always listened to how they feel about it. I used to make everything fluffy and nice but now I do not hold back the truth, I tell the kids how it is, if he can't see them because he has to see his G/F then I tell them. They both know he is Perth every weekend but he doesn't see them every weekend, not that I would let him but I am happy to do every second weekend. That used to upset Emma (who is almost 10) but then one day she said that it was his problem not hers and she would see him in the holidays. Not the way that I would deal with this situation if it was reversed, as I would want to see the kids whenever I had the opportunity!
Maybe you need to sit down with Alecia and talk to her about your feelings and how anxious you are feeling about it but explain to her why ... you are scared he will end up hurting her emotionally, she will choose to live with him or whatever your anxiety is about. Be 100% honest with her and let her know that you are wiling to listen to anything she needs to talk about in regards to her father. You might not like what you hear but you really do need to let her work out just what he is like on her own. She needs to know that no matter what she is feeling or wants to say that you will listen and not pass judegment on what she says. It will hurt you, I know I have been there and have cried a river over some of my XH's actions towards my kids but I have made sure they know that theya re loved by me unconditionally and that they can talk to me without fear of me getting upset.
Wow this post turned out longer than I thought it would. I hope you don't take this post the wrong way, I just think that sometimes when soemone else posts this stuff it makes it easier to work through in your own mind. Good luck Tanya, I am thinking of you going through this situation and realise that I am extremely lucky and have not had to go through this. please keep us up to date and let us know how things progress. I hope that all goes well and that no one is upset by whatever the outcome might be.
Hugs to you both ... you need them right now by the sounds of things.
Cheers
... You know now I am going to sook to you about the whole thing ...lol.
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