Lara - sounds very familiar! I lost my mum when I was 9 - I have really struggled with my own fears and ideas of what kind of mum I am for my girls. I have had some not so fabulous role modelling from my step mum and dad as a consequence of the blended family.
I have had to learn to trust myself a bit more and try to work on the things I find hard and consider that I am not good at. So DD's love mess, dancing and just having me play with them - I have had to let the housework stuff go a bit and try to put the emphasis on how we are all feeling/being etc.
Part of this includes scheduled down time - so I can refresh myself, so I have work and I try to run a fwe times a week. I should be ironing now but am not!
Remember to focus on what you are doing well too. xxxx