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Thread: ?? for those with an over 6 year age gap?

  1. #1

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    Default ?? for those with an over 6 year age gap?

    Hi gals,
    I would never choose to only have one child but having started late in life, I know that we are really lucky to have our one gorgeous DD. But DH and I are both really sad that she is on her own and have been trying to give her a sibling for 5 years, even to the point of trying donor eggs.
    We are due to start another cycle of IVF in April but I just can't help thinking that maybe there is too big a gap and it will be like having 2 "only children" in the family. It really hit home this morning when DD was running around all excited finding her easter eggs and I thought, gosh if we have another, Dd will be 11 when the next child is 5. So they won't have the same interests. what have other people found? Ideally of course, we could try to have 2 kids but I think we are probably gettting a bit old for that.


  2. #2

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    I know this isn't STRICTLY the same, but my XDSD is 16 and was 11 when Alex was born. She calls him her brother and adores him. She was wonderful at the time, and still is. Whilst they don't have much in common as such, she's still fantastic with him (and Ned too) and has a great relationship with him.

    My Mum has a sister 16 years younger than her, and while they weren't close when young, they are fantastic friends now (aunty is nealry 40, Mum is 56).

    It's more about personality than age, especially as you get over say 25 or so.

    Hugs and best wishes.

  3. #3

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    Hi I my DD is 9 and little brother is 4 this year she will be 10 he will turn 5 and we will have a new born.
    My children are still as close as can be, we sometimes have to point out that he doesnt have her understanding of things but other then that, they play together very well. They have different Dads but this hasnt made any difference as my DH has been around since DD was 2. They have similar tastes and traits but are the best of friends. My DD is now starting to get excited about the fact she is going to have a little baby in the house.
    We didnt plan the age gaps between our babies i have PCOS and each time it has taken nearly 5 yrs to conceive, 4 yrs 11 months between DD and DS and then 4 yrs 9 months between DS and this little man.
    My husband has a 10 yr gap between him and his closest sibling so he was brought up feeling like an only child in his older yrs.

  4. #4
    morgan78 Guest

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    Hi
    There is 6 years between me & my sister (im the eldest) and up until i started high school we were the best of friends then for about 5 or 6 years we were almost constantly fighting - i was one of those "lovely" teenagers who almost drove her mum to a nervous breakdown - but once i finished high school it all changed again and we are now each others best friend and would be completely lost without the other.
    GL with TTC

  5. #5

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    There is a 10 year age gap between my DD and my DS2... While Harrison is still very little, Madeleine adores him like crazy.
    There is a 9 year age gap between me and my youngest sister, and she and I are probably the closest to each other out of the 5 siblings... she and I definitely have the most in common... but it was as we got older, basically when she was in her teens.
    There is a bit of an age gap everywhere in my family... I am the eldest, my sister is 4 years younger, my brother 6 years younger, my sister 9 years younger and my brother 18 years younger... we all truly get along fabulous.
    I honestly don't think the age gap really matters... the me, it is a small one.
    All the best with your next IVF

  6. #6

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    I have a friend who is 7 years older than her brother and 21 years older than her sister. They will have differnet interests, but will also be able to offer many other different things. The support she can offer her mum and siblings is now much more than just being a play mate to her bro and sis. Tough potentially the little sister may complain about having 2 sets of parents in later life.

  7. #7
    paradise lost Guest

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    There are 16 years between my sister and i. I couldn't have wished for a more loving supportive influence growing up. She was and is wonderful and i love her dearly. Family dynamics are so complex, you could have had 2 kids 20months apart who never got on, or 2 kids a decade apart who were inseperable.

    Do what your heart is telling you to do and don't worry. When my mum died my 5 siblings and i (4brothers with from 3.5-23 years between us, the oldest brothers had moved out by the time i was born though we are still relatively close for all that) had one another for comfort and were able to support my dad too. In times of need and celebration age gaps between siblings just vanish.

    Bx

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by hoobley View Post
    Family dynamics are so complex, you could have had 2 kids 20months apart who never got on, or 2 kids a decade apart who were inseperable.
    I can vouch for that one, wel kind of!! There are four in our family, my sister & I are two years apart, then there was a five year gap then my brother & sister are 16 months apart. I get on really well with the my brother (the youngest), ok with my younger sister & not at all with my older sister even though she is the closest to my age.

  9. #9

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    Anney, we will have an 8 year age gap between our two, and it's kind of scary. I wonder the same thing, will it be like having two 'only' children?? I know they will have their own interests because they will be at different parts of their lives, I suppose all we can do is to try to encourage something for them to have in common they can do together.
    I know once they get older they will probably get along fine, it's just the part where when DD approaches her teenager years and DS will be approaching prep that might be a bit of fun and games and no doubt screaming matches.

    I'm finding that at the moment I feel like I am over compensating for the fact that DD won't be an only child for much longer. We are looking at getting her a digital camera as a 'big sister' present when bub arrives, as I'm worried that people will visit at the hospital with gifts for mum and bub and DD might feel left out. I want to get her the gift, but there is this part of me that feels like Iam over compensating.

    We have lightly discussed going back and using some of our snowbubs , but DH believes that we would then be creating a group of sorts where DD becomes an only child again as DS will have a sibling way closer in age to him then DD?

    Goodluck with your April cycle

  10. #10
    DoubleK Guest

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    my brother and i have a 7 year age gap between us (mum had a stillborn baby when i was 5) and i wouldnt want it any other way.
    when we were younger, i adored having a baby in the house! i got to feel grown up, as well as enjoy things like santa, easter bunny etc for a bit longer than most of my friends did (i mean that in the way of, xmas was more exciting because of all the santa bringing presents talk, and me explaingin to Craig how it all works, it was great!!)

    we have always been like this *crossed fingers* and i believe its because of our age gap!
    even now, he is almost 16, and he know he can come to me about anything, and he knows if he asks me not to tell mum n dad.. then i wont (i may try and talk him into telling them himself if i think its necessary, but would never go behind his back)

    and now, he is the best uncle ever! i think Krystal is going to enjoy growing up with an uncle who is only 14 years older than her. oh, and i always tell him too make sure i stay up-to-date, and for him to not let me get old and boring :P lol

  11. #11

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    My girls are 7.5 years apart and they love each other so much and have so much fun together. AND as an added bonus, I have a helper when I need it. It's been wonderful and I don't regret for a SECOND having the age gap. I am now scared to have anything less!!! But absolutely not like having two only children for us! xo

  12. #12

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    Hi I am in a similar situation except my gap will be bigger. My son turns 10 soon and my daughter is 7 so if I was lucky enough to get pregnant straight away they would be 8 and 10. Is this too big an age gap? I have endometriosis and have miscarried twins in the past so I've been too ill (with the endo) or too scared to try again. I've just turned 36 so thats against me too but I just feel that all consuming tugging to try again. My thoughts go round and round 'am I too old' 'will the age gap be too much' ''will the baby be healthy' ARH!!!!!!!! sorry I had to vent, all the best to everyone else, cheers Missy

  13. #13

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    There's a 6 and a half year age gap between James and Jack. James is loving being a big brother and has been a huge help in the really early days, not to mention now by playing with Jack and keeping him occupied.

    It did hit me hard though, you get so used to having a self-sufficient little person around and then you have the shock of having to get up in the middle of the night again!! I wouldn't change the age gap between my two for anything!

  14. #14

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    Anney Good luck... WE have 7yrs between Maddison & Indah & it was awesome, they play alot together & Maddy loves helping Indah do stuff, maddy reads to her in bed every night... I can honestly say it was MUCH easier having the big gap than the gao we now have with Indah & Zyon!!! LOL

  15. #15

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    missya,

    I had my son Charlie when I was 36, and the age gap between him and his siblings is 16, 15 and 12 years.

    My older two aren't that close to him (they love him as their brother, but in general are indifferent to him), but my 13yo absolutely adores Charlie, and Charlie adores him. They play together, sit and cuddle all the time, and miss each other when they don't see each other for a few days.

    So I do think it very much depends on the children, and I don't think you're too old btw.

  16. #16

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    Between myself and my sisters, there is a 7 and 9 year age gap respectively (my brother between myself and sisters). Although there is a large age gap, I could help mum with the babies (changed wet nappies, cuddled baby while she cooked dinner etc) and I loved them dearly. These days we are almost all adults and quite close.

  17. #17

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    Thanks for your reply Sushee I appreciate it, although last night my husband dropped a bombshell.
    I have just had my IUD taken out and had my 1st period and am all ready to start TTC he tells me last night that he has decided He doesn't want anymore. I am gutted and don't know what to do with myself today, just want to curl up in a ball and cry. He thinks we have left it too long, with my doubts I voiced in my last post how could I argue but it doesn't alter that fact that every cell in my body is crying out BABY!!. thanks for listening.

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