Following on from this thread, I am pregnant with # 3 and DH and I are keen for this to be our last child. We have always wanted three kids and don't mind if this baby is a boy or girl (if we end up with 3 boys we won't "try" for a girl). For a while we toyed with the idea of 4 but for all sorts of reasons 3 is most logical for us.
So for those who are satisfied with your family size, how did you prepare yourself for the "last baby" idea? I really want to be at peace with our decision - even though I am now I am mindful that it could change but I really don't want to. I really don't want to have unresolved feelings, because it is awful enough having had a miscarriage, and I imagine wanting another child but not "getting" one would be like having that pain permanently in your life.
I thought I was done before DD2 was born and until recently thought that I was really at peace with our decision because like you, to us 3 kids seems logical. I tried to breath in every moment of DD2 being a baby and have embraced every minute of her little life. Not that I didn't do that with the older two but I guess I have been a lot more conscious of it this time.
I ended up having a bit of a traumatic birth with DD2 and I got through the whole ordeal and recovery by promising myself that I never had to go through it again. I still didn't let that stop me from enjoying every minute of her. And I have enjoyed her. I feel such a special bond with her and ironically, I think this is a big part of the reason that I want to backflip on my decision to stop.
I have enjoyed DD2 so much, I have let go the fear that I had with my older two of ruining her sleeping habits for life, I have breastfed her exclusively until she started solids a few weeks ago, I have used a HAB to carry her around. I have found so much joy parenting her and found she fits in so well with our family because everything with her is so much more peaceful with gentle parenting ... now I think I can handle one more.
Sorry, I don't have any real answers for you but I have been reflecting on myself a lot lately and trying to work out what I want and the real reasons behind me wanting it.
To a degree, I have come to the conclusion that it is hard to think that I am never going to be pregnant again, never going to have those first moments after birth (and that may be because I feel a bit ripped off by my latest experience), never going to have a newborn and I am grieving a little bit about never fitting into that group of mummies with newborn babies. My kids will all be older.
I am trying to look to the future and think about some of the extra 'freedoms' I am going to have if I don't have to do the whole pregnancy and newborn thing again.
We have sat down and written a 10 year plan with immediate goals, goals for one year, goals for five years and goals for ten years. This is helping to keep me focussed on what we want for our whole family. It has also given us lots to talk about in terms of a fourth and whether or not another baby will fit in. Even though I am not completely decided, I think having our acheivements for the next few years stepped out so we have things to aim for is helping us assess our family. I think if there was absolutely no room in our plan for another baby, I would be fine with that, but there is room. We can make it all work with another baby so it makes our decision more difficult.
I feel like I am waffling, but I thought a true account might help you work through having your last baby and finding peace. At least if you know that some of these feelings can creep up after your baby is a few months old, you can be prepared for it. For me, I was prepared for this baby to be my last until she was about 5 months old and then the feelings started to creep back in. If you expect them, it might make those feelings easier to deal with. I don't know.
Sorry if this has not been overly helpful. I have lots of thoughts swimming around in my head at the moment
Thanks hun,that was helpful. I think the idea of a long-term plan might well help, but given I am likely to be home for a year with this one (I was back at work very quickly with the other two) I think you are right to warn me about the possibility that feelings can creep back when bub is a few months old! They are so lovely in the middle of their first year, I can imagine why this happens.
I thought I was going to have 5...but are so very happy with 3. I can't remember when I so firmly decided on that though.
I had a m/c between 2 and 3, and didn't relax properly or even really bond with her in utero until she was in my arms. I think it helped that I never, EVER wanted to go through that stress again. With the others I immediately relaxed around the 12 week mark.
Even with the zen waterbirth I had with DD, I do remember thinking nope, that's it I'm done!
And because of that, I celebrated my last baby, like Just Me I breathed her in....in a different way. I felt in my heart she completed the family and somehow I was so much lighter/laid back in the way I parented her and gave myself free rein to spoil the baby of the family
I was done after DS1, then I was done after DS2 LOL! But DH has always wanted three and I had enjoyed my boys so much that my arm was eventually twisted. I knew when pg with DD that I was completely done (and not because she is a girl, we would have been more than happy with another boy ). It just felt right, I had no desire to go back again. DD is now 8 months old and I feel exactly the same way. I think once my mind was convinced that we would stop at three, I just kind of felt at peace with it. I don't know how to describe it, but I'm just so happy to move on in life now. I really don't think I'll ever have the yearning for another one (although I'm allowed to seem clucky when I cuddle someone else's newborn ). Both DH and I are happy so I think that helps.
Sorry, I'm no help!! I don't know how you really prepare yourself, everyone does it differently.
how do you prepare yourself for your last child
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). Both DH and I are happy so I think that helps.
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