Feeling isolated

[Astrid]

Beginning to feel very isolated and almost trapped in my home or to at least a 20 minute radius.

Maggie wont sit in her pram for long periods of time, it is making it rather difficult to get out and about when I don't have the car. If I am lucky she will sit for around 20 minutes, but the chances of getting her back in the pram for the return trip are slim. If I catch public transport she then wants out of the pram and I then have to battle to get her back in so we can get off. It is becoming stressful and I am having to limit where I go. She used to be so good in the pram.

Also she is a bolter. So trips to park are best done alone or only with one other parent, where I can chase her is need be and not be left out of the conversation. I find if I meet up with people but cannot talk to them I feel even more left out and isolated. I can't take her to cafe etc as she will only sit for a short while, so I am even more limited with catching up with people. So I really do prefer to meet up with people either at my home or their home.

I have spoken to one other mum about this and she understands as her DD often will fight the pram, but I feel like a failure with other mums when I wont go out. Sometimes I will make excuses and other times I will be honest and say that the park is too far and Maggie wont sit in the pram. I did so this morning and as much as I don't expect people to change their plans, it would have been nice if she had suggested at least a closer park to go to.

It stopping me from getting more involved with the ABA like I want to, some meetings require catching a bus, a tram and some walking. So no way in the world could I manage Maggie when she wants to be carried and a pram. I do have slings, but she is getting quite heavy and my back is suffering. I know it will be better when she can walk longer distances.

Do others feel like this, is there something that I am doing wrong?

[Ambah]

Astrid...
I felt like this at times for at least 2 years with Aidyn. I also do not drive, so had to rely on mainly buses to get anywhere, and taking the large pram on a bus is a logistical and stressful nightmare!
Are there perhaps any enclosed parks or playcentres not too far away from you, so you don't have to worry about her running off?

From when Aidyn was about 2, I used to use his little monkey backpack/lead (which goes around my wrist) when we had to catch a bus to the city, and had less than 20mins of walking to do. He really loved being able to walk, and rarely got tired - which initally suprised me!
If I was unsure about how he would last, I would bring a small fold-up umbrella stroller with me JIC. And if he didn't want to sit in it, I would put ours bags in it and he would walk alongside and help me push. We used to do this when walking to gym too...

I hope you can find some ideas or solutions that work for you, and hope that as Maggie gets older things will also become a lot easier.

[~breeze~]

Hi Astrid,

Firstly I'd like to say that you're doing nothing wrong! You cant help it if your toddler doesnt like sitting in the pram for long...

Maggie is 2? What I usually do if I need to walk a fair distance is take the pram but let Brianna walk. If its near a busy road etc I make her hold my hand the whole time but if its through a park or something I let her go but get her to stop when she gets a certain distance ahead of me.

There is also the option of a harness? I know alot of people refuse to use them (I used to be one of them) but they can help a great deal. I bought an animal shaped backpack one for our recent trip to the Gold Coast as I was freaked about Brianna walking in those busy theme parks. I used it once but it wasnt really needed for us but they are a great idea & of great use to some people.

Good luck with finding something that works for you. Just never think of yourself as a failure as a mother because you're not!

Take care,

Danielle

[christy]

*hugs* Astrid. Matilda would never sit in the pram for long either, and she runs. I found that without my car I would have been totally isolated. At least with my car I can go to someones house and play or go somewhere. I really couldn't imagine it without the car, I can only imagine it would be very hard.

[MantaRay]

Oh Astrid, I hear you. Hugs sweetie, is can be isolating.

I have two very active boys, and to keep an eye on them both out and about is near impossible, let alone try to join in a conversation as well (or have a coffee even). For this reason I only have a small number of people I can see during the day - those that have childproof houses or will come here. Although I did recently discover the local indoor play centre was a great place for a meet up. Unfortunately it cost $13 to get in (which included a coffee), so it's not for every day or every week. But for an occassional outing - wow, it was great. The boys were both occupied in a safe environment. Each mum took a turn in eyeballing every child every couple of minutes, so for once I got to enjoy a coffee and adult conversation. Pure bliss!

I would suggest that you explain your dilemma to your friends. Those that are happy to make life easier for you are true friends. Those that aren't, well, you just won't see them as much. But hopefully you can build up a network of people who will come to you. Hopefully you will meet more people through existing friends, playgroups, local playground etc until you feel less isolated.

I know I hate asking people to go out of their way. But sometimes we just have to meet our own needs first - as a mum it doesn't always happen very often!

[Astrid]

Thanks for the support and the suggestions - most appreciated.

I do have a monkey harness and we used to use it when she was smaller for little walks up the street. I should try to find it again. If it is just us, then she tends not to bolt, for some reason it is when others are around. So just a quiet walk to the closest park for a play is not a drama. I think she enjoys the walking and the one on one time where I am not distracted by other things.

I think the whole going to the big fancy park is more for the mums benefit rather than the kid, Maggie enjoys the little parks. I know for me I would get more exercise getting there and back, also there is a cafe. For me though the drama is not worth the latte

I will try going on public transport for some of the short trips without the pram and see how she goes. We don't have a small stroller and the budget can't justify one atm, plus I can see myself getting tangle with nappy bag, stroller and Maggie. I am just not coordinated or graceful.

Melanie I think you are right about friends being true friends or not. If they were they would be a little bit more compromising about the situation.

Keep on meaning to get to the play centres, but they are not that local, maybe on a day when I have the car. One of the ABA ladies has offered to give me lifts to meetings, I just need to remember to keep the car seat at home on those days.

Thanks again - it has given me a lot to think about.