Good on you!

Pfft to emotional blackmail and passive aggresive tactics. For goodness sakes, she's your parent, she should be able to model better behaviour than that.

The only cure for other people's emotional blackmail attempts is to ignore them. The minute you buy into it you get sucked into the whole woe is me, let's rearrange the world to suit me, it's ALL ABOUT ME rubbish!

Maybe leave it a few days, then perhaps call and ask if she'd like to come over Boxing Day? That way your DD gets to see her and you have your mum playing by your rules. If she then makes a scene, just say "oh well, if you'd rather not, never mind". Or not. She'll learn eventually. Maybe.

Have a lovely Christmas!