I haven't yet. They are 3.5 and 2. And i don't see it happening in the near future. Maybe after they start school i'll rethink it. My MIL always mentions it, but there is not a chance i would send my girls away with her for a weekend at the moment. They will be with my parents overnight when i have this baby until my husband arrives. I'm freaking out a little about it, but given i have no other option i just have to deal with it.
My girls stay overnight with my parents fairly regularly - probably about once a month - and have done since DD1 was about 3.5 and DD2 about 2.5. It is definitely not for babysitting reasons - the girls absolutely love it and so do my parents. They have a routine worked out well and truly - sleep in Gran's bed, get up, Gran makes pancakes, take the dogs for a walk and then I come to pick them up. They have never stayed at my PIL's house though and to be honest I can't imagine a situation so dire that I would allow it to happen.
I think it all comes back to your comfort level, and that has little to do with the age of your kids. Girls are 4 and 3 now and lately I have been wondering about a proper weekend away with DH, with the girls staying at my folks. I have no doubt the kids would love it - just not sure I'm ready for that much separation yet!
DS spent the night at my parents when he was 10weeks old. It was our wedding night and we wanted to have the night to ourselves after the reception. Luckily he was good at taking EBM at that point and sleeping like an angel.
Staying at PIL's would be a different story - hasn't happened yet and I don't plan on it for a long time yet.
For a weekend though, I'm not comfortable with it, but might do it for our one year anniversary.... we'll see how I go... but you have to be comfortable in your decision
They haven't yet... Oskar was 4 in March and Elijah was 2 in April. Some people think it's wrong, but to us, it's not. They are our babies and our responsibility and how we like it.
Until I'm comfortable and 100% good with the idea, DD or any of our kids won't be staying a night away from us. It's not that we don't trust the grandparents, we know they would be in very safe hands it's just that they are our babies (like someone else said) and our responsibility and TBH, we'd miss them like crazy!!! Yeah, the break would be good, heck I'd love more sleep but at the expense of my DD's happiness or my happiness? Nup, to me, not worth it. She still wakes at night and needs cuddles with her Daddy and me.
A PP commented that 'you're lucky' they offered but TBH, I would much rather the PIL's offer to help out throughout the day with DD so I can get some sleep because right now, I am so tired from waking hourly at night (very sore hips) from pregnancy and really could do with more rest during the day time..... they are retired but they don't offer to help out in other ways. Instead they want to take DD off our hands and away from us and that just doesn't make me feel comfortable until she's older. Yes, it's a nice gesture but suits them, not us. KWIM?
I also don't think I'm sacrificing DD's relationship with her grandparents by not letting her stay overnight with them. She can spend as much time with them whenever they choose to visit and still have a wonderful relationship with them without the need to be away from her parents while she's still so young. MIL and FIL would be able to see her alot more than they do if they didn't 'choose' to travel away for weeks at a time so if they really want to see her more, it's up to them to be home more often and to visit more really.
Her first sleep over with grandparents would be at their house too, not in their campervan at some caravan park somewhere 2hrs away or so!!! eeek.
Pie hasn't had an overnighter yet, and I'm not in any hurry. And there isn't anyone I'd be comfortable leaving her with, TBH.
My other kids all had their first sleepovers much younger, at a few months, but we lived closer to my mum & saw her a few times a week... quite a different scenario.
Would you be comfortable asking them to take her for a few hours during the day?
Do what works for you! it's not up to grandparents to tell you when your child is old enough to have time away from you - that's why YOU are the parent!
FWIW - DD had her first time away from us (at all) at 7 months (while we went to a concert - mum came to Melbourne and had DD at my cousins place). She has been with either myself, DH or my mum the rest of the time (she started going to mum's while i worked when she was 10.5months). We are going to do a trial overnight stay in probable October/November as a friend has just bought us concert tix for December. As much as i KNOW Sopdet would love having DD there while we go to the concert, I feel DD would be more likely to settle at Mum's where she already knows the environment. I want to do a test sleep over first with me at home which is only 20 minutes away, as opposed to two hours or more if she is really unsettled. if it doesn't work out, we can revisit WHY and make sure she is happy by the time it has to happen. By then, DD will be 2y7m - we'll drop her in the arvo so we can head to Melb, and pick her up first thing in the morning
DD1 went away for a couple of nights with my mum when she was 18 months - DP and I were so sick with the flu that we couldn't physically look after her so thankfully my mum came and took her. She often goes away and stays there for a few nights now. She loves it!
DD2 went for 3 nights with DD2 earlier this year so she was about 2 I think. She also had a ball. My mum looks after the girls one day a weeks while I work and has done all their lives so they do have a close relationship with her. DD1 went to MILs for a few nights by herself just recently but MIL is deaf so we had to make sure that DD1 could get up and look after herself before she could stay by herself so DD2 hasn't been there overnight alone yet.
DS1's only night away from us was when he was 2 1/2 and we went way for our 10 year anniversary. 9 mths later DS2 was born! He hasn't had another night away from us
For our family, I don't feel the need to be away from them. They both spend heaps of time with my parents & have a good relationship with them & if we had somthing to go to I wouldn't be too unhappy leaving DS1 with his grandparents, not sure about DS2 as he still bf to sleep - DS1 had weaned about a month before our anniversary. I'd feel more comfortable waiting till he weaned before having a night away from us, I'd be too worried that he'd be upset & I don't want to put my parents in that situation.
I haven't read all of the replies but I would say it is totally dependent on the relationship. DS had sleep overs from quite young with my parents but hasn't yet with DH's mum and probably will never with his dad/MIL.
We went to a wedding away(5 hours) when ds was 14 months and my mum stayed at our place for 2 nights. At that time my cousin lived with us who my ds adores and was like another mum so it wasn't much upheaval, except for DH and I who felt really lost without him.
Last month he had his first sleepover at my mum and dads so DH and I could go out for out anniversary. We could have picked him up after but having him sleep over gave mum and dad so much pleasure it was worth my bit of angst and he had a lovely time.
I (and ds) see my mum and dad 5-6 times per week so he's very comfortable with them.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
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DD4.5 has only ever slept at our place, or daddy's place (on access night). But we have no grandparents for her to stay with, so i guess it's a moot point. i would love for her to get to know, and spend time with older people.
i think do it when you feel it's right, not when the grandparents pressure you to do it. You have your instinct, that will guide you, as to when YOUR child is ready.
You know your child best, and what the relationship between your child and the grandparents is like. Do what feels right I guess.
DD is 9 years old and has never stayed overnight with my mum. Not because I wouldn't trust her, quite the opposite in fact, but simply that the opportunity/situation has never arisen (mum being on the farm and often extremely busy). On the other hand, she regularly has sleepovers with her Grandma (X-MIL) and Grandad, she's also gone on holidays in the caravan with them and an assortment of other grandkids ever since she was about 4 years old. She absolutely loves it, she comes home with so many stories about the exciting things she gets to do with with Grandma and Grandad, the places she's been and everything.
I do think it's important where-ever possible for kids to get used to spending time with extended family without their parents there, or with other trusted adults. It really helps build that community and teaches them to understand different dynamics and that different rules apply in different places. But it has to be when you're comfortable with doing it, not before.
These questions make me sad when people have a choice. When the court tells you your baby has to spend night away from you, it's hard not to feel jealous of others who have the luxury of deciding at what age, when and how long their children will be away from them.
MJ started staying over at my mums when I went back to work, mum looked after her Thursday and Friday and suggested that she keep her overnight as the traveling backwards and forwards each day would be too much and would be very rushed for me.
I hated the idea of it (not mum having her, but me not having her) but Mum was doing me such a favor in caring for her I agreed to give it a go.
MJ loved it and the relationship mum and dad have with her is incredible.
So that use to be one night every week from the age of 1-3 years.
Prior to that we would have sleep overs Together so she was very use to staying there.
It is however very individual and if I wasn't working, I don't know when it would have been. Mum and Dad have never had MJ for a social event, we either go separately, take her or have someone at our house to look after her (2 times I think).
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