What keeps you sane?

[Jellyfish]

Yeah, I definitely feel you on the hearing about everything friends are doing. All of mine are in Uni, almost finishing their degrees. My two best friends are about to go to Europe together and I feel a bit left out. I can rarely go out with them on weekends and they rarely bother asking anymore which is hard. It just feels like I'm on a completely different path, one that I wanted to be on but later, when we were all heading that way together, you know? I now feel a bit pressured to have another child soon since I always wanted them close together but I wasn't ready for this one so I feel really conflicted!! There are heaps of parts I love and I am so happy I have my DD in my life but it can be so hard at the same time.

I try to remember that when they are at school, I will still be young enough to pursue things such as a degree or career and that having her at my age means I have a greater chance to experience more of her life (watch her grow old type thing). I also just try to remember how lucky I am to have a child and that it was something I wanted, even if I did get it way before I ever expected. You know, just try to look at the positives rather than get weighed down by the negatives.

I am enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I had thoughts of adoption when I was pregnant that now haunt me a little. Being pregnant and giving birth were such amazing experiences and being a Mum has taught me so much so quickly. I thought I was close to my parents before but I now have a greater understanding and respect for them. All in all, I am happy but yeah, there are times when I just don't want to get out of bed... I always had those moments, it is just now I can't let myself give into them!

Sorry sort of opened up into my own little rant/story. Just wanted you to know I know how you feel.

Oh and

[Muffy]

OMG thats scary i could have written that post myself.. everything u had written is what i have felt over the past couple of years.
I always knew i was going to have kids but i thought that was after i had been at uni, etc!!!
Also when i was preg with DS i had very strong thoughts about adoption!!!!!
omg im still shocked i keep going back and reading your post and i think wow i feel as though that has come out of my own head.. just like a page out of my diary!!
I do get hurt that my friends dont ask me to go out anymore!
thankyou for letting me know how you feel, i would rather people give advice from their own personal experiences!! xoxox

[smiles4u]

Hey Rav ... reckon i have those moments that you mention in your thread question almost everyday & i'm talking about more than once per day

I was under the impression if one is an older Mother they would have more patience ... well, i can vouch I HAVE NO PATIENCE left in me most days since my gorgeous DD has graced the earth ... So, who came up with that rubbish of a notion

You will laugh to picture this lil story ... when DD was about 2wks old DP & i were at the local shopping centre & he said something to me & before he knew it i had bolted up the road (almost running) whilst the poor guy with our newborn DD had no idea what direction i went so he drove for ages to find me way, way up the road from the shopping centre ... He asked what was i doing with great concern & i said i was running away ... must i add i was 40 years of age (You'd be happy to know i haven't ran away since )

My way of escape in those moments that you mentioned is to think that feeling isn't going to last forever & largely because i was emotionally & physically abused by my Mother from a young child to teenager (til she booted me out of home, in which she did me a great favour there) i just can't bear to have 'those' awful thoughts (i think it takes a toll on me more than the average person) so allow myself so much time to feel the "Ahhhhh" feeling when DD does something that drives me nuts ... then i try very hard to dig myself out of that feeling. Another thing is i must always have goals to look forward to whether they be days, weeks or months away

[thepixie]

I stopped being sane years ago, which I think helps immensely.

:yeahthat:
But seriously sometimes I surprise myself with how patient I can be, and other times I snap for no reason. Other than that.... sleep when I can and drink LOTS of coffee. Try not to ask too much of myself. Not sure how it will work when I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks though....

[Fleur]

Oh RR & jitterbug... to you both.... I so remember feeling like that. I missed schoolies & so much other stuff that my friends were doing, and after a while they didn't even bother to invite me out anymore. It was a very lonely time.
My Mum said it would get better when the kids started school & made friends....even then all the mothers were older & even though they were friendly there was a big difference.

I don't know if I was ready to be a Mum, just that I managed. I do feel like I did better with my last & will again with this one. I feel like I'm old enough to appreciate what I have now. Even though sometimes I want them all to go away

The only thing I can say to you is that things do change and get better. I have a great circle of friends now, I love my job (although I hear you RR on someone else spending time with them, & I'm not looking forward to leaving my new bub with anyone) -overall I'm pretty happy with my life.

Having said all that I still have days where I have just had enough and I don't want to do it anymore. But they seem to becoming fewer, as I said the best thing is knowing that it passes & gets better.

As for work, I worked part-time 2 days a week until DS2 started school. Once I have had this baby i will go back 2-3 days a week. TBH I'm torn - we need the money, so that's the first thing, also DH & a lot of other people who know me agree it's better for me in myself to work, I'm a much better person for it. But I HATE the idea of leaving this baby with anyone even for half a day. You can only do what suits you, but if you're feeling like it might benefit you, why not look at part-time or job share? Remember too that what's good for Mum is most often best for the kids (eww how many times have I heard that, but it's true...)

Try & give yourself 'time out' where you can - I know this is really hard, as I said we have no family nearby and my 'time out' consists of sitting up at night when I should be sleeping! But whatever you can do for yourself is worth it.

Wow... big post.. I didn't know I still felt so much about it

Anyway to you

[Turkish Delight]

Coming to work

Gives me a break and i actually get to sit down.

[Arcadia]

I just wanted to say, even though I was 25 when I had DD, I still feel left out of my circle of friends, and feel there are things I am missing out on. My DD was very much planned, and I even wanted to have her earlier, but I just didn't realise how far away from having kids most of my friends are. My 2 best friends cried when I told them I was pregnant...and not from joy either.

Its so hard when you find yourself on a journey you weren't quite expecting, and without the support you need or even expected. I just think about the amazing gift I am giving my DD though...the gift of youth. i might not be as wise or set up as some of the older mummies, but I am still young and I can give her heaps of siblings!!

My mum had 3 kids by 25, and now at 50 she has a PhD and is a lecturer at university...she travels with her work and has been overseas a few times now (and not stayng in crappy backpackers either). It just shows there is no right way to go about this parenting journey, and that there will be plenty of time for you to do all the things you dreamed of.

You're doing an amazing job of being a mum, and I bet your friends will turn to you when they have their kids and look at you with awe thinking "how on earth did she do that so young?"

[fionas]

I went back to work part-time when DD was 12 months old and at the time, that was the best thing for me to do to keep me sane. DP is a shiftworker so I didn't get much of a break from DD, the house was a complete disaster (every room needed something doing to it) and DD was/is very active. At 10 months old she could climb on to the dining table so nothing was safe. I couldn't leave her alone for two minutes, literally.

So I really needed a change of environment where I could also do what I wanted, when I wanted and not have to wait until she was having a nap before doing washing, loading the dishwasher etc. etc.

Now, I think that it's clicked with me that when she's up and about I might not be able to do the stuff around the house that I want/need to do but I can when she's in bed and about an hour after she's gone to bed at night, I start to miss her. Mind you, if you don't get your time until 10pm, that would be really, really rough as is doing it all on your own.

Don't be too hard on yourself - you've got a really tough gig at the moment but my best advice is to work out if there's anything at all you can do to get some time to yourself while someone minds your kids - even if it's just for a couple of hours a week.

As for the age thing - it's hard to know. I think the biggest thing that life has taught me is that things change - I know that DD won't be a toddler who ignores virtually everything I say forever. One day in the not too distant future she will be dressing herself, going to school and the full on-ness will pass.

Having said that, being an older mum also meant that I was a bit over the workplace. Politics, game-playing, starting projects that don't get finished because someone changes their mind ... all that stuff means that I don't really get much satisfaction from my work anymore. Been there, done that. So even though I did go back to work after DD, I'm about to pack it in again because TBH I do get more satisfaction from spending time with DD. If I'd been younger though, I don't think I'd have that perspective and it's hard not to be able to do pursue your dreams.

I just want to say a bit more about "things change". In my mid-30s, I had a nervous breakdown and spent a lot of time getting drunk in pubs. I spoke to lots of different people and honestly, although I wouldn't want to relive those days, they were really my life education. I met so many people from teachers to thieves with so many different stories and it really taught me that we all have different paths and most of us get there in the end. The thief's dream was to be a fireman and he was taking baby steps towards that.

So sometimes, what keeps me sane is to look at the big picture. Right now, I'm not that happy with life. I'm not depressed but there are many things that I'm finding quite difficult. But I know that this is just a phase in my life. I may feel like this for a few years but at some point, things will change again for the better. In the meantime, I just need to keep taking baby steps towards that.jgj