My family and I will be moving in the future, due to DH's job. We know where we will be going, but not 100% on when. We have some idea, but it depends if DH gets a job where we want to go. If he does and we can go when we are supposed to, it will be in May 2014. DS1 starts kindergarten in Jan 2014, DD will also be in school.
My dilemma is I can move with just the kids, in the Jan 2014 and DD and DS1 can start school in the place we will move to. Or they can start school in the place we're in now and we can move in term 2 and they will have to start a new school.
My biggest concerns are that DS1 is a bit shy, it's his first year at school, and I worry about how he would cope with making friends at one school, then moving to another, 10-12 weeks later and have to get used to a new place, teacher and make new friends. I'm not especially worried about DD because she is very confident and outgoing and will probably be ok to make new friends.
If the kids and I move first then DH joins us later, it will be about 14 weeks. I'm not sure how I will handle a new place, and the three kids alone. I will be closer to my dad, but can't guarantee that he will be of any help to us. I will also only be about an hour away from my brothers and mum. DH would be unlikely to visit very often if at all during the time apart, since it's pretty expensive to drive to and fro, and the move in itself will be expensive.
So what would you do. I have been tossing it up for a while already. I feel really torn between staying together as a family, and worrying about DS1 in particular, moving schools....what to do, what to do???
For me I would be doing the less stressful choice which would be staying together as a family and when the time came, doing the best to guide DS when the time came for him to change schools.
I see it as alot of things to cause stress if you go first where as if you move together you only have DS1 to focus on.
I would be staying together. I hate the thought of us being separated - both me from DH and more so really the kids from DH. FWIW, Miss E is an incredibly shy child with significant anxiety issues and she has adjusted beautifully to kindy this year - I couldn't have ever imagined just how well she is doing. She has lots of friends and takes all the changes of teachers really well. Having seen her dealing with it, I wouldn't be overly concerned about your little man adjusting either, especially if your kids all know that they're starting the year at X but you will all soon be moving to Y.
My DS has Aspergers and we had a similar situation - put him in a school for 3-6 months or just have him start when we moved. Socialising, friends and change are difficult for him.
So we told him, months before he started school, before we even put the house on the market, that we were moving house and when we moved house he would have a new school. He was in his first school for a term and a half, he enjoyed it, and was happy to move house (lots of prep given on the date and when things were happening and why) and school.
He was less happy 3 weeks later when he moved school again. The school we wanted was not available at first so we were on a waiting list. Unfortunately DH and I both worked, so DS had no option: he had to go to school in the interim period (I'd have preferred to have him at home until a place came up - although that could have been months). This move upset him, because it wasn't accompanied with a house move. We did explain we wanted him to attend a school within walking distance of our house and that his new school was a really good school and he would learn lots more (both of which were true), but he wasn't happy. Took him a few weeks to settle in. He started playing "schools" at home with his toys after a month of starting school #3.
Now, however, he's happy about it. He will talk about his old schools sometimes and compare the differences.
The major down-side was that they taught the curriculum differently in school #1 and #3 (and DS didn't learn anything written-down-wise at school #2 due to him being more advanced than his class). So DS couldn't read when he started school but picked it up well after a month or so. But everyone else had been reading since the start of school, so DS is in the lower ability group of readers. DS doesn't like pushing himself too much, so I have to remind him about the rewards of education (eg practice your reading and you can read the "hard" space rocket book) to keep him motivated.
Well you know me, and you probably know what my option would be. But that is with experience and hindsight.
I'd move at the start of the year so he could start and stay in one spot. However, I also know what the organisation is like and how disorganised so I wouldn't do it unless there was a guaranteed transfer signed and iron clad. Plus what a pain in the neck buying and disposing of the first set of uniforms to have to buy a second.
PM me where you're looking at? My sister lives an hour north of Sydney.
The uncertainty is hard hun, and as tough as it would be I would be moving sooner, simply because I really think that the first few years of schooling are so important and I wouldn't want to disrupt him and in our case her! Hence why we are moving prior to her starting prep in Feb as well because we want to be settled so she doesn't have to move around mid term etc.
In the short term yes it would be very tough but it will also go fast and in the long term may be best for DS so he is settled?
I guess know DS1 would *cope* with a move soon after starting school, he would likely catch up friends wise eventually, but I don't necessarily want him to have to do it. He is going to pre school next year, so may become more confident and out going, though I think alot of it is just his nature (to be shy). But it will be his first year at 'big' school and I worry that the rest of the class will have their best buddies and he might be left out and because he's shy, not make any good friends and feel ostracised (sp??) a bit. Plus I have a feeling eh won't be a school learning kind of kid (iykwim!) so might struggle a bit with the academics of it all, and getting to know his teacher.....yada yada. I don't want him to start out in his first year on the wrong foot and hate school forever after because of it.
DD would be ok. She loves learning and school type environments. Though I don't want her to have that upheaval either, I don't really worry much if she would be able to cope.
I won't be moving unless DH has a definite position, there is every possibility this could be a moot point because we won't move at all when he's due to go, or we could move earlier and all will be well time wise with school.
I am swaying towards going earlier, but DH would rather I didn't. He doesn't want the separation and doesn't see how DS1's schooling and emotions w/could be seriously affected by such a move.
Bleugh....to think I have another 20months to think this over!!! I am going to be to-ing and fro-ing forever!!
It is true things *could* change between now and then, though it is very unlikely. VERY. We have to be here until May 2014. That's the tenure agreement he signed.
I think I will try to put it out of my mind for now. DH and I had an argument about it the other day because he doesn't want to be separated. Which is fair enough, but he's thinking of himself, more than the needs of the kids. It would be 14 weeks at the max. Less if he can arrange to have some sort of leave before hand....
I think it's on my mind because I'm in the process of enrolling DD at school now and DS1 is on my mind.
I think it could be more stressful for your DS1 to be without his dad for 14 weeks than to swap schools with everyone's support. Such a hard decision though when all you wanna do is whats best for everyone!
We moved countries 3 months after DS1 started school and he adapted well to the change. In fact it gave him a boost of confidence starting school the second time because he had been there, done that iyswim. Every child is different but personally I would prioritise staying together as a family and that will give your son the confidence at his new school.
Personally I would rather go on my own than have ds change school, but it's so hard to say because everyones situation is so different and children are individuals. I know my ds2 would really struggle with a school change, but is fine to be away from his dad for extended periods.
Another thought from me: even if your children are OK with a temporary separation for 3 months from their father, how are they once the family is back together again? That can be worse for some children than separating in the first place as it's getting used to a new family dynamic again. The dad putting in rules in "their" house, one that Dad has previously had no say in whatsoever as he hasn't been there.
I know that even when DH is away for 12 days DS needs time to readjust to him being around (even with preparation), so that readjustment is harder than the changing schools that he has been prepped for.
We would stay together. None of us would cope very well not seeing DH for that long. I would prefer to have the family be the consistent thing amongst all the changes that are to come iykwim. Instead of them having to also cope with Daddy not being around along with moving house and changing/starting school. Tough decision though xx
Being away from daddy for a few months is what is my only concern for the kids and I moving first. But DH is very often at work, 10-12 hours a day. We haven't been apart for a long time though, so I don't know if I would cope. But the kids will be older then- 7,5 1/2 and 3. That should be fairly easy to deal with for me. Particularly if my dad will help us, and I can go visit mum/friends on weekends.I *think* I will cope ok, knowing it's short term.
My biggest concern is the kids. I don't know what will be worse for them. DS3 will be with me, so it's not too much of a concern for me how he would cope. Just the two older kids. I don't know if moving schools mid term would be worse or being away from DH. I am the primary carer, and whilst DH is a hands on dad, he also works a fair bit, so isn't home a lot of the time.
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What would you do?
The uncertainty is hard hun, and as tough as it would be I would be moving sooner, simply because I really think that the first few years of schooling are so important and I wouldn't want to disrupt him and in our case her! Hence why we are moving prior to her starting prep in Feb as well because we want to be settled so she doesn't have to move around mid term etc.
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