When the kids outnumber the parents..

[Liz]

ok...this is the only bit that scares me about having a third child. They will outnumber us! And I also only have 2 hands LOL.

So I thought I'd ask the experienced mums here for some tips on the logistics of having 3! Things like shopping etc don't worry me as DS is at preschool 2 days a week, and I know I can shop with 2 whilst he's there etc.

But if they're all running riot aroudn the house or something.. OMG.. think I'd go crazy! LOL. Altho last night I was talking to DH about it and he was freaking out at the thought of 3.. but I reminded him that by the time the third is in the terrible 3's.. DS would be around 7 or 8! (eeek!) So the dynamics of the house will be different anyway. I think we tend to plonk the 3rd child into the immediate mix, but it wouldn't be like that once the baby came and even then the first year isn't that hard.

And what if we're at the park and all three run off in different directions?? LOL.



Help put my mind at ease that it IS possible to manage 3 children!

[aussienic]

Liz it is possible.. 3 is actually easier then I thought.. when we had 3 the ages were 6, 2 and newborn.. then with number 4 it was 8, 4,2 and newborn

I find 4 harder then 3 now then when we had a newborn. but honestly 3 wasn't so bad..

in the house you tend to find the older 2 entertain each other a lot more when you are busy with the baby. Or at least thats what we found here..

[Olive]

liz ive been wondering the same, so will be keeping an eye on this thread

[Mumeee]

Dont worry - It is enitrely possible to manage 3 -
I admit, back when I only had 2- I was really worried about having less hands than children BUT I have learned that

- a stoller solves that problem
-kids learn from each other (and this works predominantly for Good rather than evil!)
-usually kids stick together and play together and are unlikely to run in 3 different directions as they will compete for your attention and as such want to stay in your sight so you can see they are being wonderful
-there is this wonderful innate invention called 'perfect angel syndrome' where if one child is getting in trouble or being told off - the others become perfect little angels (Temporarily)
-the eldest usually becomes a leader (hence the birth order theory) and loves to tell the younger ones what they should and shouldnt be doing!
- children are naturally 'dobbers' so if there are any problems you will have lots of warning
- Childrens loyalty is usually to the parent rather than the siblings (hence sibling rivalry) - well at least until the teenage years I am told (arent there yet)

HAVING SAID THAT
- never show fear (children can smell it)
- never forget the pusher when you go to the shop
- always stick them in a trolley if you do forget the pusher
- avoid shopping with them all at once if at all possible
- ear plugs are a marvellous invention, I'm sure they were first invented by mothers who were inspired to invent them whilst on long car trips

Mumeee (mum to soon to be 8 - 12,11,6,5,3,3,2,due Aug)

[Trillian]

Sometimes here it is absolute bedlam with all the noise they can create - especially if they are all playing together. Like last night I nearly went mental because they all had a truck and they were all running around the house with them playing chasies and I told them they needed to play another game or they could go to bed early - and that did the trick cause it was only 6pm at that stage LOL. It can be hard when I'm here on my own while DH is on nightshift, but manageable if you can distract them into doing something else. As for the playground situation, I've yet to have it happen where they all run off in different directions and I always had at least one that was still in a stroller or small enough that they never ran far and there is always one that likes to stay close to you. I found kiddie 'leashes' worked well when I had the first three and they were all close (eldest was 3yr 4mths when I had #3) as well as the skateboard things for the pram, but if you're going to wear bubs then that's not an issue. I often have to go out on my own with all 4 du to the hours DH works, but its fine - like on Thursday night we had a community get together and DH was on nightshift and I had Alister in the sling as I knew he wouldn't get cranky if he was being held, but if he was in the stroller he would have cracked it after 10mins. It was so much easier too because I could get the older kids their dinners (BQ and salad etc) and then get my own and kept Alister in the sling while we ate off the same plate.

Don't forget too that a lot of the behaviours they might have now that completely put you off having that extra child (like bolting LOL or not staying close to you when out and about) they usually grow out of by the time they get to a certain age, so you can always space them out so you don't have to worry about having 2 toddlers and a baby etc.

[Inanna]

It's fine! You need to be organised. Be firm about ground rules. Have a high tolerance to repeating yourself multiple times to (in my case) 5 kids - that can send me batty!

It gets noisy - but we have a designated quiet room where there is zero tolerance to rough noisy play. This works well. They just get asked "where is the quiet room"? Then they vacate said quiet room!

I wouldn't have it anhy other way. It's the best. If I was younger I would have more!

[Inertia]

Surprisingly, its not as hard as we tend to panic it will be.Yeah my 5 are driving me completely NUTS right now - but they are full of sugar.

School is a blessing when it comes to shopping. I only take one. Kids also don't normally run in 3 different directions, but when pg with Harry, I had Lyta and Sam take off up two different hallways at the hospital after an antenatal appointment. I was tired, hormonal and didn't know which way to go, so I broke down, lol. A couple of nurses and interns went off looking for them for me. Thats the ONLY time it has happened, so it does happen, but not often at all. Its never happened to my siblings with their kids.

[mrsmac]

Spread them out!!! I have never had 3 little kids since mine are spread so far apart but I lov ehaving 3 kids, I wish we had the time and the money to have more

[Liz]

Thanks everyone. I'm sure we'd manage. And yeah, makes sense that they probably wouldn't run off in different directions LOL. We're dealing with a bit of sibling rivalry at the moment (by 'a bit' I mean 'a lot' LOL) so the idea of 3 of them not getting along is just scary!

I LOVE the idea of a quiet room.. I'm going to implement that one, with just my 2!

Am still trying to convice DH we'd be fine with 3.. but sometimes even I wonder! hehe.

Thanks everyone

[aussienic]

oh just another tip cus of the hands full thing..

when crossing the road or going somewhere where you need hands being held.. I carry Livi, hold hands with Jacob and Isaac puts his hand in my back pocket..

We also have a "freeze rule" if a car is moving they freeze where they are.. you have to drum it on from the time they can walk.. Olivia at just under 17 months is already understanding it to a certain degree,

[Liz]

yeah, we don't have a freeze rule as such, but Tallon knows he has to stay right next to the car when he gets out, or right next to the pram. And he knows to either hold my hand or hold onto the pram when there are cars moving.

[Bathsheba]

I agree with MrsMac's suggestion of spreading them out.... we have 3 kids but they are 14, 5 and 2. Works fine. I think with any amount of children you basically have to decide to become the kind of person that can "relinquish control" at certain times and know how to regain it at others... and most importanlty to to know WHEN to decide to do either!!! Trying to stay in control at all times will send you crazy... and letting go all the time is obviously negligent and going to lead to trouble as well. So... maybe just know that with 2 or 3 or 14 children you are just going to have to get better at making this crucial decision; Do I try to control or try to let go? If you have mastered this with 2 then i say go for 3.

[Liz]

hmm.. I think I do have a fairly good balance on the control thing. If things are going stir crazy I just step in and separate them, Tallon has to have quiet time playing in his room for a while just to calm everything down a bit. DH on the other hand just throws his hands up in the air and complains about the noise LOL. Other times I let them just be kids and get it out of their system. Let them jump on the bed and leave em to it LOL.

I think it's purely the fear of going through these terrible threes 3 times! LOL. The defiance is unbelievable, and everything is a battle. We get through each day tho, and we're looking forward to the age of 4! There is a sweet boy in there that surfaces every now & then and I can't wait until he's around all the time! hahaha. DH is convinced that it's 17 years worth of defiance that we're in for tho, and well... that could be true LOL. So times that by 3 and he's just not prepared to do it

I'm coping surprisingly well with 2 actually, I'm much much more organised than I was with 1, and our house is almost clean enough these days for people to just drop in! haha. I think I would manage. Sure I have bad days where the kids just drive me nuts and I have a mummy melt-down.. but truth be told, that would be easily remedied by me scheduling in and MAKING people give me a break now & then!!

I guess a question I should ask is what are 7 yr olds like, in general? Because that's how old Tallon would be once the third reached 3yrs old. Perhaps if I can describe the changes in the dynamics of the house to DH a bit more, he'd be willing. I feel like he doesn't mind so much the idea of another, but fears it somehow.. the chaos of it, if that makes sense.

[Rouge]

7 y.o.'s are awesome Best helpers ever... just to give you an idea how Paris helps out around the house:

Folds her own washing and puts it away.
Puts Seth's Washing away.
Sorts clothing into the Clothes Sorter.
Tidies up toy area and gets DS3 to help by making it a "game"
Feeds and Tends to her Guinea Pig
Takes out Recycling
Gets Drinks and Food for her & her brother.
Tidies her room and helps her brother (teaches) him to do his.

They never fight. They get frustrated when either is tired but they don't beat each other up or be nasty to each other. They still play together. ATM they are playing pirates. DS3 is also pretty advanced I think because he's used to playing with his older sister so its a plus plus situation. But honestly I love my kids gap, its awesome. They are best friends, but also great teachers for each other. DS teaches DD patience and strangely how to have a great imagination (DD never was big on imagination), and DD teaches DS how to be nice, how to share, how to tidy up etc etc Keep in mind 7 y.o.'s are very independant too. She can spend hours listening to music, writing in her diary, playing on the computer. So she's never under my feet.

As for how Kayla and the next will interact you'd know more about that than me

[Bathsheba]

Liz: my DH gets frustrated a lot more easily than I do as well. It's something to take into consideration. I feel it's the weakest link in our family dynamic as well. He finds it harder to relinquish control... I bet he's actually quietly content to be back at work in his nice quiet, clean and calm office today after 4 days at home with the kids. Sometimes at the end of a hard day he will come home and be in a good frame of mind to handle the chaos... but other times I see him struggle with the transition. Yesterday he found that our 2yo had emptied his expensive shampoo out into the bath leaving it empty when he had just opened it... DH cracked it... and threw a tantrum himself. So sometimes I feel like I have 4 children which upsets me... but 99% of the time DH will eventually pull himself together and apologise... but it's upsetting at the time.

[BekZ]

Liz - I will let you know in a few months time how I cope with 3 close together!!! Some days the thought is very daunting but DD1 is at a great age and she really is easier to handle when out and about. I have drummed into her to hold the pram or trolley when we are out and now I don't even ask she just does it.

My main concern atm is that DD2 (16 months) is starting to run off (not as bad as Sara was), get up out of the trolley and crack when I put her in the pram. DD2 is also really clingy and only mummy will do.

I actually held a nb the other day and DD2 was beside herself with jealousy...That is concerning for me. Apart from that once DD1 turned 3 she matured considerably.

I have not doubt that you'll be just fine having another.

Thanks ladies for your replies I found them interesting an informative.

[Liz]

As for how Kayla and the next will interact you'd know more about that than me

Well, actually, I've no idea LOL. She's been fairly oblivious to Tallon's mean treatment of her.. but she's starting to fight back now LOL. He just hates her coming up and looking at or touching what he's playing with at the time. They can play nicely, so hopefully that will shine through more soon! She's more jealous than he ever was.. he was never jealous of her as a baby, but she feels the need to jump into cuddles I'm having with Tallon, so she mightn't be as easy as Tallon was when she came along.

Liz: my DH gets frustrated a lot more easily than I do as well. It's something to take into consideration. I feel it's the weakest link in our family dynamic as well. He finds it harder to relinquish control... I bet he's actually quietly content to be back at work in his nice quiet, clean and calm office today after 4 days at home with the kids. Sometimes at the end of a hard day he will come home and be in a good frame of mind to handle the chaos... but other times I see him struggle with the transition. Yesterday he found that our 2yo had emptied his expensive shampoo out into the bath leaving it empty when he had just opened it... DH cracked it... and threw a tantrum himself. So sometimes I feel like I have 4 children which upsets me... but 99% of the time DH will eventually pull himself together and apologise... but it's upsetting at the time.

oh I can relate to that entire post Bath *hugs*. Just the other day we had a discussion/fight about him flying into a tantrum/rage so quickly over things. We did come to the conclusion that both of us need to work on seeing things from the kids point of view. Like Kayla emptying out an entire box of tissues all over our room.. to her she found something cool.. and look.. there's more... and more.. and more! LOL. She sooo wouldn't have understood why daddy got so mad about it Imean I wasn't thrilled either lol, but that's something we both need to work on.. accepting that they are kids afterall.. and we just need to teach them as they grow.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Yesterday he found that our 2yo had emptied his expensive shampoo out into the bath leaving it empty when he had just opened it... .

had to have a chuckle... Ad knows better than to bother getting upset over things like this, he KNOWS I will turn around and say, "Well where was your shampoo for him to reach it then??"

Although I have time to get used to 6 kids, I do find it fairly easy. The big ones are great with the littlies, and most times will initiate the play. They love playing puppies, kittens, mums and dads, shops, schools etc, and the littlies LOVE playing the "big" games..

Through the day, it is just me, and 3 under 3... which sounds daunting, but it isn't. Harmony does her own thing on her play mat, and with mummy, and the boys have their own games with each other..

I find if I spend a fair amount of time with all 3 in the morning, eg singing, dancing, cars etc they are much happier to go off on thier own later on..

I try to get Kane and Harmony down for a day sleep together, and then its me and Za for awhile.. when the big ones come home, its arvo tea for us all together, often cooking some muffins etc, with the two little boys on the bench, helping..
Then Za will go off and play with his big bro, whom he just LOVES, and Kane gets to do something with mummy then..when Ad gets home, its family play time till dinner...

A loosely structured day works well, and the kids are just used to it..

If another bub is what you want, go for it honey, you can do it!!!