If you wanted a different number of kids, how did you decide?

[chody47]

Firstly, I'll just say that with a 6 week old I'm not thinking of trying again anytime soon!

It appears DH and I have different ideas on the size of our family. Right from the start I'd mentioned I liked the idea of 4 kids, but have since thought 3 was more realistic. DH never really said anything so I figured he was just happy with that. He has mentioned the past year or two that he only wants 2. I didn't think too much about it before now, but now that we have our two we have decisions to make.

Anyway, what I want to know is how you decided if you both had different 'ideal' numbers. I'm happy to discuss things with DH. One of us is obviously going to need to compromise. How did you decide? We're you both happy with the final decision?

[No.5]

I wanted 4, DH 2 so I say we compromise on 3. Haven't pitched it to DH yet. Will wait until DD is a bit older

Edit: I know that doesn't really answer your question but I guess we're in the same boat

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I wanted 6, DH didn't (he said 2), we compromised on 3.

DH is still buying and wearing condoms and my menopause is approaching (I seem to be having a few anovulatary cycles a year, either that or I just really irregular after small bouts of semi-regularity). That's how he decided - and my unhappiness about it is invalid, in his eyes. Cos it's all about him - and it should be all about me. (Yes, I see neither PoV is correct - but I am a heck of a lot older than I wanted to be now and fertility doesn't last forever in women.)

[Amity]

XH only wanted two more (he already had one). I wanted (still want) more - I always said I'd have five. I'd settle for one more.

It was one of the very many reasons we are no longer together. Not that I'd advocate that unless there were other issues or this was incredibly serious for you both, but I have seen many relationships and marriages break up for this reason alone.

[chody47]

Thanks for the replies.

Divvy - I don't want us to break up for that reason at all. I really want to be able to compromise (even if I end up bring the one not getting what I want), but I want to work out a way for us both to be happy. If possible, I don't want one of us regretting the decision in years to come. Just trying to work out how that would be possible.

[feeb]

I have always wanted 3 DH always said 2. I still want a 3rd I wanted same gap again which off course has been and gone, I am hoping that when DS2 is at school I can maybe get him to change his mind but not holding breath. For him its all about money and how much things cost etc.

[tellytubby]

I wanted a third. DH was okay with 2. He said he would happily have a third if he didn't have to change nappies. So here I am... Pregnant with our third

[chody47]

I have always wanted 3 DH always said 2. I still want a 3rd I wanted same gap again which off course has been and gone, I am hoping that when DS2 is at school I can maybe get him to change his mind but not holding breath. For him its all about money and how much things cost etc.

That seems to be DH's reason too. I do understand his point of view, but I also know we aren't exactly struggling to survive. He wants to be able to afford regular overseas holidays with the kids.

[feeb]

That seems to be DH's reason too. I do understand his point of view, but I also know we aren't exactly struggling to survive. He wants to be able to afford regular overseas holidays with the kids.

My DH is the same and also wants to be able to send to private high school if that is what we want to do. But to my view is we live withing means and if we only have holidays in Austrlia that is ok. I have 2 brothers youngest is 10 years younger than me. We used to go on holidays OS when we lived in the UK but since moving to Australia only holidays have been her. And my youngest brother was born here!..

[TeniBear]

I could never decide, but I always knew I wanted a lot of kids. I settled on five, pitched it to DH, he wanted two or three, so we settled on four. Since Ianto died we've revised that to "four living", so five total. Now to actually conceive #3-#5!

[lady_neon]

DH wants 4, I'm open to it but 2 is my number. We will no compromise on 3 as we don't want an odd number. As I'm only 23, and plan to have number #2 within the next couple years, I said we can revisit the idea of 4 when the first 2 are in school.

[trishalishous]

I said 6, wanting 4, we have compromised on 3, and then seeing what we think. For us it was:
Can we 'afford' to raise x children?
Do we have the space for x children?
How long would I take off work?
Could my body cope? (added after our first term pregnancy)

[Arimeh]

We wanted 3 and agreed on 3. After 3 I still felt a strong urge for another one so he compromised on his side because he said he wouldn't regret having one however I would regret not having one, and it's your regrets that are more important. He absolutely adores her now so I know we made the right decision. Money can always be worked out, an extra child might mean a holiday every 2 years than every year. We are a bit weird in that we don't see holidays as an essential thing in our lives though so its easy to dismiss their importance.

Oh and number 5 was an accident, neither of us wanted it, we were happy with 4.

[AngelPants]

I want 4, DH wants 2 but DS2 is only 5mths so we have yet to really talk about it properly. I know I will be sad if we only have 2 (or even 3), mainly cos my SIL and BIL are agreed on a big family (4+) so I will watch them having more when I am done IYKWIM. I don't know how you come to the compromise without feeling sad and disappointed.

[RainbowRiver]

I had no set number, as long as I had a boy and a girl. I got both with my Xdh. He wanted at least 4-6 kids, managed 3, lost #4 m/c and #5 m/c

Now with DF, he isn't able to have bio children, so for us to be having our first (regardless that its via donor) he is over the moon. Bub isn't here yet, but have discussed a 2nd and I'd go through it again - and cos I feel bub would be a 'part time only child' when my other 3 kids are with their dad and I hate that thought!

[misty]

Take it as it comes. You both know you want at least two, so have two and see what happens.

I always wanted six - but somewhere along the way 5 became the 'perfect' number. DH has never really been certain how many he has wanted (although he has known my opinions). But we also know it is a joint decision. So each time I have waited until he felt ready (and I would have stopped if he had been a definite 'no'. I know 5 is it for him. And I feel at peace with that.

[rmf]

Scissors, paper, rock.

Seriously, is there not one of you who usually gets their way in the end? Just let that one decide

[KittyK]

Before we got married we talked about how many kids and we both wanted three. Then we had ds whom we love and adore and we looked at each other and said...lets only have two lol
We also considered money, and how we wanted to be able to afford holidays and private schools and spoil the kids etc and we agreed that two kids was more financially sensible for us.

Saying that my dh randomly said to me recently (I'm preg with number 2 as well) maybe we should have just one more so that ds could have a brother... I told him it would have to be with another woman because I'm happy with two lol and also had it crossed his mind that the third baby could be a girl...that hasn't crossed his mind coincidentally.

We are pretty set on two, and knowing this is my last pregnancy has made it as closure for me, I know to enjoy everything as my last.