Why women blame other women for being victims of domestic violence

[Catastrophic]

I hope no-one thinks I was having a go. I think it's courageous that people have shared some of their stories. No, I don't understand, but hopefully reading some of this will help me understand a bit better.

Can I ask, if you think someone is being abused, but they don't think they are, what is the best way to handle it? Say nothing? Say something? If I think of saying something, I try to be diplomatic. But sometimes it's so frustrating when it's the same problem, different day and nothing changes. There's only so many times I can be told to back off before I will, indeed, back off. I'm one of those people who feels pain at reading some things people post about their lives. In the end, I have to turn away because it hurts too much that someone is choosing to stay or choosing to not get help. I know it's not about me when someone is dealing with I dont know what kind of homelife, but I do have to look after my own emotional wellbeing.

As for choice. Some of life's choices are breathtakingly, heart shatteringly difficult to make. But they are still choices and not making a choice is a choice in itself.

My best friend, and the reason why she is my best friend in the whole world, said something. she listened. she advised. But the best part was she never really pushed or gave me an ultimatum (if you dont leave I cant be around you). I love her to death, because she stood beside me through all the crap, she gave her advice (which was sometimes hard to hear, but I loved her for it) She often got very frustrated and we would take a break from talking for her own mental health, I leaned on her a lot, and looking back I get it wouldn't of been easy on her, But I am so so thankful that I had her to go through it with... So I guess I am saying. Say something, but be kind. It's a really ****ty situation. And sometimes it's the lessor of two evils staying... Just because the relationship ends doesn't mean the abuse does...

[Kazbah]

so much sharing in this thread - thankyou all ladies for sharing.

Tashy, I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship, and have shown them what it is. I have shown them articles about the cycle of abuse and diarised what's happening in their relationship and shown it in black and white - and this has given a non-judgemental evidence. Recognising patterns in the relationship and planning what to do when the triggers were there - it's easier from the outside, and I found that by highlighting those and putting support there *before* the fact, it helped show what was really happening.

My friend is lucky, now that their spouse is no longer drinking, the abuse has stopped. But I still listen for those triggers ...