Worried she'll let her CIO

[Just Me]

If you are only going for an hour - could you try putting your DD to sleep before you leave? Would she stay asleep at least an hour while you are gone? Just a suggestion in case you feel really stuck. I would try not to leave my kids with people that I don't trust either, but sometimes it is easier said than done and there are ways that you can manage the situation (like putting them to sleep before you go) if you don't have a choice. Do you feel that your Grandma is safe enough to look after your DD in every other way or do you have other concerns as well?

My SIL recently looked after DD and DS while I went to a work function with DH. SIL and my brother both think we give in to DD too easily when she is unsettled. She is 2 now but still cries when she is put to bed in an unfamiliar place and will work herself into a state of hysteria if she is not settled. She can put herself to sleep at home, but we usually have to settle her when we are out and have to put her down somewhere she is not familiar with.

SIL has a DS 3 weeks younger than my DD and they let him CIO. It worked for him, but not for my DD. I tried letting her CIO to the point that she was clawing me to try to hold on whenever I took her into her room. So we used a settling technique and find there are times we still have to do it even though she is 2.

Anyway, we left her with SIL and my brother for an evening. When we got back SIL was completely beside herself. DD cried when put to bed and SIL thought that she would just make her cry it out. DD cried hysterically for 3 hours. I felt so awful. I was also a bit annoyed at SIL but in another way was glad that she had seen that the CIO method doesn't work for all babies and toddlers. I wish that DD didn't have to go through that though. SIL will not babysit for us anymore. I don't want her to anyway, so it is no big deal to me.

There is no real point to my story, I was just sharing my experience of leaving my kids with a person who believes in parenting differently to me. I don't think it harmed DD but it certainly didn't make me feel good about what happened.

Anyway, I hope you can come up with a solution.

[Willow]

Maybe I'll try to time it when she won't need a sleep.

That's what I was going to suggest. If I had to leave my children with anyone when they were young (usually MIL), I'd time it so it was during awake time and I didn't have to worry about the sleep factor. Easy peasy!

FWIW, I think she's all talk. I remember minding my nephew when he was a few months old. My DD had always just been put in the cot, settled if needed and then left to go to sleep. I knew my nephew wasn't a good sleeper but figured I'd give my method a go...I lasted about 2 mins of him crying before I went and picked him up! It's one thing to hear your own child cry and know what that means and how to soothe them but with someone else's baby, I had no idea so wasn't going to risk him getting too upset.

[Heaven]

That's the thing. Usually if I want her to have a long sleep I have to wear her in the sling. In her cot she will only sleep for up to 45mins. She won't self settle yet either. And I reckon if she woke up after not very long she would just leave her to CIO and go back to sleep on her own. Which would never work with her anyway!

[Jaycee]

Heaven, I have to agree with the others, I probably wouldn't leave her with your grandma if you think she's going to go against your wishes, I know I wouldn't, especially at your daughter's young age, she's still so tiny.

[~Kim~]

Gee that's rough you poor love. I'd be stressed too. So I bet she'd be offended if you paid a babysitter to look after DD the way you want, but expect you not to be when she says she'll do it 'her way'.
M IL's have had to be told, many many times about how we parent our children. As a result they are not going to ever look after them because I can't be sure that they will respect my wishes...but the food thing worries me more than the crying thing....

[Heaven]

An update!
Well, I feel bad. I have underestimated her again She was great! She said some things during the week which made me feel comfortable leaving DD with her, like when I was rocking her saying 'Oh jeez, I'm going to have to do this on friday!' LOL. So I left her and all was fine.
Although she says things to me on the phone all the time I found that after she'd said something once and we'd told her we don't do things that way she backed off. Not at all like she does on the phone!! LOL. Much better IRL.
I shouldn't underestimate her, she was also BRILLIANT when she came to stay just after DD was born when I thought it would be a nightmare so I should have known.
So yay for my Nan!! Love her.

[HotI]

So glad it all worked out.