thread: Would it bother you or not a big deal?

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Cairns QLD
    5,471

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    Im curious by nature & I just FB searched my ex from 16 almost 17 years ago. My first/ his first etc etc.
    We broke up after 2 years when I met my now DH. I kinda feel bad I guess for how badly the ex took the break up. I never cheated on him, he just took it really bad. Anyway I have looked from time to time & he never came up, but I just found him on FB. He looks happy, appears to have 3 kids. My DH would probably be weird if I contacted the ex & just said that I was happy to see he move on in life & is happy. But I kinda want too.

    Leave it alone? or not a big deal if I was too do that?

  2. #2
    Registered User

    May 2010
    Land of Dreams
    1,201

    Leave it be. The past is the past

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jun 2008
    In snuggle land
    4,499

    I'd leave it. I've facestalked a couple of ex's out of curiosity, but I don't want them in my life, so I'm not going to contact them. I figure I contact people if I want to be friends with them.

    If an ex contacted me to say I'm glad you're happy, I'd feel a bit patronised and wouldn't know what to say. If it's been 17 years, I'd leave it. However he took the break up, that was his life lesson to learn, not yours to fix.

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Cairns QLD
    5,471

    I'd leave it. I've facestalked a couple of ex's out of curiosity, but I don't want them in my life, so I'm not going to contact them. I figure I contact people if I want to be friends with them.

    If an ex contacted me to say I'm glad you're happy, I'd feel a bit patronised and wouldn't know what to say. If it's been 17 years, I'd leave it. However he took the break up, that was his life lesson to learn, not yours to fix.
    Thats a good point! I already feel better about it, thank you! Ok, I can put it to rest. I don't know why I have held on to it, felt guilty I guess as I know how much I hurt him. But yup, all good. Will leave it be.

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jun 2011
    1,105

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    I'd leave it alone too.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    May 2012
    Where faith conquers fear
    559

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    Oh no, step away from the stalk book! Baaaaad idea.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jun 2009
    in the Capital
    1,478

    I googled an ex because he popped into a dream - it was so weird. It made no sense to him being in my dream as in he was like the "spot the odd one out". Well, anyway, I googled him because it was so unexpected and odd that I was sure that something bad had happened to him (he's a police officer). My curiosity was satisifed that he wasn't dead but alive and well. Last time I dreamt about him I contacted his aunt (who was a good friend of mine) only to find out that he'd been in a pretty bad relationship and then had a serious accident. It's weird and unexplainable. I would never want him back in my life so I definately won't take it any further (as in trying to contact him). Besides, i think that it's sort of cheating - I know I wouldn't like my husband to contact (a significant) someone from his past.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Dec 2008
    8,986

    Leave it.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Newcastle, NSW
    4,219

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    I'd leave it too. I have a very similar situation with an ex of mine and I'm just really happy for him because he is quite obviously happily married with kids these days and all I ever wanted for him was happiness. It's nice to know we both did the right thing and we t the right way in life regardless of how difficult it was at the time.

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Cairns QLD
    5,471

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    I would tell my dh about contact him if I did. I will tell him that I found him on fb too. I did think for a while there that is was possible that he had been killed or something because for the ten years we lived in the same area as we did when I was with the ex, we never seen him. In a way I am relieved to see him alive and kicking, just moved out bush. Kinda makes sense really. If it was dh who wanted to send a how you doing to an ex I don't think I would be bothered as long as it was in the open etc. I trust him and would read anything more into it.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jan 2013
    Melbourne
    4

    leave it - how would you feel if your DH did the same?

  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Cairns QLD
    5,471

    Would it bother you or not a big deal?

    As above I would be fine about it as long as it wasn't secretive with intent other then just saying hay glad to see life is good for you. I will leave it though

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Jun 2012
    South Australia
    1,097

    i would definitely leave it be!

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Mar 2009
    N.S.W
    1,197

    I'd leave it alone too.