I think that the article is open for both Breast feeding "advocates" and formula feeders to both gain something from it...
I think its great for people to hear the way some of these comments listed can effect someone's feelings. And if it helps someone (anyone) who is encouraging or talking to someone who is formula feeding or considering it, or even just someone pregnant, to maybe think about how they phrase things or what they say, then it helps.
And then I think too it helps someone who has "heard" these phrases aimed personally at them to have a bit of validation and go "Yeah that didnt help", yes there maybe some commradery of FF-ers, coz we are the ones who have heard them, or felt this way.
I think anyone who takes the article too personally(or even the fact that it has been posted) may have been guilty of saying these things (or even thinking them) and maybe they then need to hear that while they have the best of intentions.. saying these things dont always help!!!!! And i think that's the point of the article.
Thank you for posting, it's always good to think about how what we say affects others. You know, until I joined BB I did not even think about how saying some cliches to people who are having trouble conceiving like "just relax it'll happen" blah, blah, blah affected them, and now I know better. It's the same for those who do feel hurt when someone says something to do with their formula feeding their children. If no one ever says anything, people won't know that their well meaning words may hurt. Having said that, intentions matter, and honestly most people are just trying to help.
I for one have had physiological low supply with both my girls, improved with my second, but not enough despite all the intervention from professionals and bucket loads of hard work (yes, those low % of people are out there so don't discount us because we're the minority). I mixed fed DD1 till she refused boob point blank at 7 months, and I am now able to exclusively bf DD2 now that she's older and doesn't need a full supply to nourish her, but mixed fed with formula for 8 months and occasionally while I'm at work after that. I am a huge advocater or breastfeeding, because society is geared the other way, there is not enough education, and when you run into problems, sometimes it does feel like you either run into the "extremists" from either end of the spectrum. But yeah, I have had my fair share of hurtful comments "just feed, feed, feed" - blanket assumptioms are not helpful, and some from people who should know better, like the first ABA Counsellor I emailed, or one of the council lactation consultants I went to. That's how I found BB, and by and large, have found a huge amount of help and support, and good intentions even if it couldn't help, at least they cared. I'm sure that the breastfeeders who do read your posts will take some of it on board, even if it does provoke a bit of a reaction at first.
I had a big long post, I wanted to tell my story & my mother's story... & then I thought it was too long... so I'll leave it at this.
For all the ways that we feed our children, they are being fed. For all the reasons we choose to do whatever we do, they are our reasons. When we judge eachother, we judge ourselves.
Sometimes we do feel uneasy about the choices we have made. Sometimes we doubt ourselves, we regret the path we have taken. Sometimes we don't, but we still don't want to feel like others are judging us for our actions.
It's not always as easy as owning your choices. It's the end goal, to move towards that but sometimes you have to get there before you can be there. In the meantime, a bit of caring and tact doesn't hurt.
And that goes both ways...let's not assume that when someone is saying they like peas, it means they hate your carrots. Maybe they just really like peas Or maybe they don't like your carrots, but they like you.
Lets be a bit more generous in our opinions & assume that we are all doing our best, and that we are not being narky at all but genuine & caring.
Ok... I think that's it... I've had a long day & I don't think I'm going to get anywhere further with this
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Or maybe they don't like your carrots, but they like you.
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