FF as a lifestyle decision?

[amberj]

So we're about to have our first child and are making decisions about BF and FF. There are several reasons why DH and I are thinking about FF our baby after a few weeks of BF.

But the thing is, they are all "lifestyle" reasons and whenever I look up anything on FF it seems like the women who end up doing it have all sorts of 'valid' or 'medical' reasons- like they have tried really hard to BF and it hasn't worked, or they have no supply or something. I read them and think they all sound really brave for trying so hard to BF!

For us, we both run our business from home and while we can manage for a while with just DH running things, I will need to get back to work and BF will not really be compatible. Also DH is really keen to share feeding responsibilities and be involved in that aspect of caring for our child. And finally (and the most selfish of the reasons), I have had a difficult pregnancy and am so keen to get my body back....and (I know this sound wierd), I really dislike my breasts and nipples being played with and, while I know BF could be entirely different, it is possible I may hate the sensation.

I do want to try BF and who know, baby and I could love it! But I have to say, I am not committed to it and I feel like a criminal for saying that!

I just wanted to know if anyone has choosen to FF for similar reasons and how you have found reactions etc. I am, frankly, scared to tell people! I don't want to start a debate, I just am interested in others reasons for FF and seeing if anyone has been in similar circumstances.

[Arimeh]

Jess, I found BF really hard, I hated the sensation, it hurt like all hell and I had a very hungry DS. So on day 3, put him on the bottle. I don't regret the decision, or the fact that I could have tried harder, because I had to go back to work when he was 12 weeks old, and I thought that it would have been too difficult (for me) to organise to express milk etc and have to deal with the worry that bubs wouldn't take the bottle. I'm not saying that this is right or not, just that it was the right choice for me and my family.

With this one, haven't made the decision yet to FF or BF. Thought I would sorta wait until bubs was born, and then see what happens. However, I have to return to work again when bubs is 12 weeks old, so even if I did end up BFing, it wouldn't be for longer than 12 weeks.

There are some people out there that do criticise your choice, but they aren't the ones raising your baby, living your life and having to do what you do to survive. Every one has an opinion, and most people express it, welcome or not.

Just have to let it all slide off your back if you have made an informed choice of what is best for you and your family.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I am a big pro b/feeding mamma, but also a big pro choice mamma!!!

You must do what works best for YOUR family babe!!!
As you said, you may just love it, but some women just dont, and thats fine too!!!

You are already doing your best by finding out the info, and trying to give it a shot when bub gets here, so thats great, good on you!!! The first few weeks are the most important, and if you stop b/feeding, than you do. You have still done the best for your bubba, and thats what counts!!

But it comes down to your choice, and what is best honey. You must never feel guilty for doing the right thing for your WHOLE family. Easier said than done, I know!!

Good luck with your choice, you will make the right one when bubs gets here, whichever way that goes!!!

[Emma1979]

hi there
haven't been in your position but just wanted to say that in most cases the best way to get your body back into shape is in fact to breastfeed... it helps the uterus contract and shrink back into shape which in turn helps your belly shrink back into shape... as for losing weight breast feeding is the equivalent to burning 500 calories a day, by simply sitting and feeding!! a massive help in losing any unwanted kilos from the pregnancy.

good luck whichever way you choose to go millions of babies do fine on formula but in saying that, if you are working from home why wouldn't breast feeding not be compatable, will bubs be elsewhere or something?

[sushee]

Jessica,

I would never tell a mum who didn't want to BF to do it anyway. Hey you've read all the stuff about FFing and BFing, and if you make an informed decision to FF based on all aspects of it (which includes the very valid aspect of you not really wanting to BF) then don't let anyone judge you. You ultimately have the responsibility of making decisions for your family, so make the best one for you and your family.

Most people will encourage you to BF if you express your desire to BF. But if you say you're up on all the FF/BF info, but you don't want to (for whatever your reasons, none of which are my business, unless it's misinformation such as 'I've been told I'm not making enough milk') then I, for one, will respect that.

Good luck hun. IMO you're being a great mum as long as you're making an informed choice and owning it.

[RenHinde]

i breast fed my first son for about 2 years, im sometimes scared to admit that and i am ashamed of it.
not because i think it was wrong or bad, just because... well, i dont like the idea of breastfeeding a 2 year old... its just not me BUT my DS would not sleep any other way, he would not take a bottle and did not eat ANY food untill he was almost 10 months old!

i now have a 8 month old who i breast fed for the first 3 months and then stopped, I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant and well to be honest i have no desire at all to breast feed this baby! it sounds very wrong, and i hate to imagine what people will say, but i dont want to! i want DH to be able to help, and FF is so much easier. i also hate people playing with my nipples, but i found this didnt affect my brestfeeding. i think you are very brave, dont let peoples opinions force you to do it, do what you want to.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Jessica there has been so many great responses here but I thought I would share as well.
I was really apprehensive about BFing too. From the families I had known, FF was just the way to go, and I was all set to FF. I literally have about 25 bottles in a box... I was that certain he would be a FF bub.

I decided to give it a go for the obligatory six weeks - unless things went awry between birth and then. Like you, don't like my breasts/nipples being touched and really don't like the sensation of breastfeeding. But, we're now almost at 12 weeks and still going strong.

I can't say I particularly enjoy it - but I do enjoy the simple pleasures that come with it, and although they may have taken a while to achieve, it's been well worth it. I get fifteen minutes of 'me-time' when i breastfeed. I get to stare into DS's eyes and watch him smile and giggle back at me. I get to laugh at him chatting with himself and making noises after a feed. He his never as content, even after EBM! It was great for post birth recovery - it's the best reminder for pelvic floor exercises!

WRT your DH helping out... there is so much more they can do. I was going to express full time for the same reason... it didn't happen and now we haven't had a bottle of EBM since he was four weeks old. He can help settle, cuddle after bathtime, cuddle and read stories to (it's never too early to start)... breastfeeding is such an amazing bonding experience for you to have with your child. I don't doubt that FF mums can get this with their bubs too, but from my experience, it's just not the same when he has a bottle of EBM - I'm in another place, and I've got things on my mind - BFing gives you such a closeness.

Emma is right - BFing can help you to get your body back faster - especially keep you healthy with all the extra fluid intake - least with me I find I'm extremely thirsty while I BF.

It is entirely your choice - and good on you for taking a hold of it... but even with all that apprehension, if you are willing to give it a go... it may be worth a try. Even if you only make it to two weeks... I have found it to be such a rewarding experience. WRT to working and FFing, maybe you could comp feed - FF during the day, BF morning and night?? That way you still get the bonding experiences breastfeeding brings and he still gets the good stuff!

Whatever decision you make, you do what's best for your family (well said Jodie), and turn a blind eye to whatever judgements you get. A mothers' mental state and their ability to care for & provide for their child is so much more important than whether or not formula is so bad for our children, IYKWIM.

Best of luck with the impending labour.

[Lulu]

Good on you for wanting to give it a bash both ways!

DS went to bottles at 5 months - he was a very unsettled one and although I was sad, it was a teeny relief.

The one thing that peeved me no end though (and I bring this up as a lifestyle thing) is I got heartily sick of the endless washing of bottles. Aaahhh, I'd be tired enough as it is, then be faced with a sinkful!
And when it's cold it's nicer to stay in bed at night rather than haul ass to the kitchen to heat the bottle.

Give the BF a go for the 6 weeks, by then things should be running ok - and you will be able to make a good decision for YOU, or even do a little of both?? Whatever!

Good luck with everything!

[Phteven]

FWIW as a lifestyle option I would say thet BF is probably easier and more convenient than FF.
No need to wash bottles, no need to pack formula to take out with you, no need to heat bottles at 2am or make mad dashes to the shops for formula.
BF is actually remarkably quick and easy once you have it established I can do all sorts of stuff one handed while I BF and after a while you'll be able to walk about as you BF and talk on the phone and eat and so on.

[sushee]

Gotta say I agree. I FFed my DS1 and it was such a hassle. I actually decided after when I fell pg again that I would never FF again because of it, and I didn't. Though when Charlie was 12 months old I weaned him off the boob cold-turkey for personal reasons and he ended up on cow's milk from a bottle for a few weeks until we moved him to a sippy cup. Those few weeks of washing bottles was enough to put me off, and I didn't even have to make up formula!

[Trillian]

As someone who uses formula, it isn't the easiest option, mainly because of all the extra paraphernalia you have to take with you when you go out - with BF all you need is a spare nappy and your boobs LOL. Also if your DH wants to share in the feeding, there is always the option of using expressed breast milk in a bottle.

I wont give you my reasons for FF because this isn't about me, but it is a very valid concern/question that you do have. You may find that once you get the stage where you had originally planned to wean, that you want to keep going, either because it turns out that you do really enjoy it, or if you had a long road to make it work that you don't want to give it up after all the effort you've put in kwim?

See how you go and just make sure that you are informed as you can be about it - no matter which option you choose will be done after the most careful consideration.

[River]

Whatever works for you works for you really. But just so you know, FF is far more time consuming than BF, and you'll find that most of your time commitments come purely from having a newborn, not the mode of feeding. With FF, someone still has to sit and feed the baby each feed, but on top of that is the washing, and the making of the bottles in the first place. You'll probably find it to be false logic that FF will save you any time at all infact.

Even though it's only really an average thing too, you might find that bubs gets sick more often as a FF baby (don't yell at me, it's the overall statistics, not an individual thing), which would make your time more pressed.

I hate my bbs being touched, and yet I breastfeed. Sometimes I don't like the feeling of it, but I know its my duty to my child to give her breastmilk.

I did give my first a bottle a night, which for lifestyle choices extended to more bottles per day after about 4 or 5 months - which rapidly became weaning by 7 months. Ditto my second was a rapid wean at 7 months because I just couldn't be bothered with the boobing anymore. I don't feel any guilt about my decision, because it worked for me at the time. If you are comfortable with your decision, then it's all good.

You probably will cop flack from many parties. You will be tempted to feel guilty. Own your decision and don't feel guilty if you do go through with it. Also don't blame others for their words on the subject, just accept that you will cop it, and just ignore it. Please don't become an anti-BF person with bitterness because of people's words, as it leads to resentment in your own life, and you don't need to deal with that on top of new motherhood.

Best of luck with your research, and decision.

[M22]

I FF purely for lifestyle- i know me better than anyone and i knew it was right, my DH and i shared feeding adn i got enough sleep. ithink all this really made me a better mummy cause i am crazy if i dont get enough sleep!!



i bought self sterilising bottles so that helped too.

feel free to pm me if you need more info darl... i know how it can be

[*becstar*]

I am totally with Purplemamma, she said it all. And I know where you are coming from. My DS#2 is now 8 weeks old and at 6 weeks we gave up BF. There was no 'medical' reason, although for some reaosn my supply either waned or my milk wasn't good enough. Either way I know I could have done seomthing about it, and probably fixed it but I didn't. And my reasons were also lifestyle ones. For me it is easier to FF. It's a quick fix, I gave him formula and instantly he was satisfied, no waiting for my supply to come right, no frequent feeding. He was more settled and so much more content which (as much as I hate to admit) is more convenient for me and my family. So I really feel as if FF was the right choice for ALL of us and it made our family life SO much easier and pleasant. I feel guilty at times for being selfish like this but as Purplemumma said, your FAMILY is what is important. That means the whole unit, not just one or two of you. HTH and good luck, whatever you do make sure it's what you WANT to do.

[Enchanted]

As everyone else has said... you need to do what is right for you and your family and not anyone else's! Here are a few stories below from myself and friends

I decided to breastfeed but stopped at 4 months due to attachment issues etc BUT I was quite relieved to stop as I used to get anxious about leaving the house and breastfeeding out and about as I wasn't 100% comfortable with it. It was also a godsend to be able to have my DH feed our DS on a Saturday night so I could get some sleep or even just to have a bath etc when DH came home from work and not have to worry about feed times.

My SIL stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks due to lifestyle and she hated the whole sensation of breastfeeding and also wanted her body back.

A friend from MG never breastfed as she finds the thought of it unappealing.

A girlfriend is pg at the moment and she is also tossing up whether to breastfeed or not. She has F cup boobs and also dislikes her breasts.

I don't know if that has helped at all but PLEASE don't feel bad for having these thoughts... they are NOT bad!!! If you want some more info check out the ABA website and also the threads on bfing and FF on here. Good luck with your decision and whatever you decide will be right for you... you won't make the wrong choice

[myboysmumma]

Hi Jessica,

I say do as you feel is right for whatever reasons you decide, only you know what is best for your little fam.

[paradise lost]

Hmmm, i don't think feeling awful for your lifestyle makes any sense! Put that out of your mind.

I know LOTS of women who FF for lifestyle reasons, including one who boobie fed her #1 for 2 years and then gave her #2 FF within a few days - she had to go back to work within a few weeks (her own business) and had watched her #1 go through all manner of stress because he wouldn't take milk from anything but a boob, not a cup, bottle, spoon, anything - she had a ton of EBM and no way of giving it to him and simply wasn't in the position to lose business now it was her own business in order to go feed him in childcare every 3 hours.

You have to work. They SHOULD make BFing possible if it's your choice to do it, all you need is a decent pump and a fridge and you're good to go, but if you chose to FF for that reason then feeling guilty is like feeling guilty for putting food on the table and keeping a roof over your heads. Some lifestyle things you can change and some you can't or don't want to. This is YOUR baby, coming into YOUR family.

No matter WHICH way you decide to feed your baby there will be SOMEONE who has a negative view of you and loud opinion. So what - it's not them who has to come to your house at 3am and feed the baby, so it's not their beeswax!

I FF DD from 5.5months or so and weaned her off the boob entirely at 7 months, and i read all the various infos about "risks and benefits" of FF and BF so i was aware of potential problems and could try to minimise things in other ways. My friend did this too (like she kept bubs #2 in her room to sleep for the full first 6 months (she moved #1 to his own room at 5 weeks) to reduce some of the statistical risks of FF, and she weaned at 6 months to minimise allergy risk, that sort of thing). Her boys are both healthy and happy and you would not tell between them in terms of strength and vigour.

From a practical POV, i'd have to agree that FF was more work compared to BF, especially if i wanted to go out for the day. It was a shock to suddenly have to do maths about how many times i'd need to feed her and how long the milk would be unrefrigerated and all that, LOL, was used to just taking 1 burping cloth and going out! But i also agree that it's like MCNing, you just DO the extra work. I wouldn't volunteer for it next time, but i am SO lazy. Just having 2 kids is going to be a shock for me i think! LOL.

Best of luck with your birth and good on you for giving BF a go. You might love it, you might not. Only one way to find out

Bx

[amberj]

I just wanted to say thank-you to everyone for all your replies- they have all been wonderful and supportive.

Thank you!