Advice please - My Lesbian Daughter wants a baby from her Gay male best friend

[Mum2Romone]

I think Id be more worried about her having a baby at all at 18

[beckoes]

just wanted to say hi, welcome to BB and hugs for the situation you are in. I have no idea what i would do if i were in your situation, so complex!! I hope you find some great advice. sure you will!

[alioops]

I think the relationship would be very much the same between the baby and your DD's friend as the relationship between a family who use a known donor and the donor is. Maybe have a look into some literature regarding Known Donation and Rainbow Parenting. I am a young mum. I had my first baby at 20. I dont thing age really has anything to do with preparedness for parenting, I think maturity is more important.

My parents wanted me to be established in a career before having children. Personally I had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and having children has helped me find direction. I am preparing to apply for Uni now that I know what I want to do. Maybe she is not ready for a lifelong career decision yet.

[Floweryfields]

Yes me too, she needs to get her life set up before thinking of a baby. Who's going to financaiolly supporting the child -you will have alot of added responsibility to think about too.

[ubba82]

You also mentioned her friends substance abuse which I don't think is at all ideal in making a baby or parenting.

[Mrs Jak]

I really liked Briggsy's Girl's advice.

A lot of people at 18 aren't ready to lock in to a career path and in my opinion, having children young can be a fantastic thing, (18 is an adult and not a child) but she really needs to realise how hard single parenting can be and the impact that could be had on family and friends.

Maybe you could tell her your true feelings on the subject but that you will be supportive of her in whatever direction she chooses? I know I would find it hard to express my feelings on the topic to my daughter without getting emotional, but like you say, she may get defensive again and it will make things harder for you.

I know in the past I relied too much on my Mother's opinions and thoughts and as such our relationship has stayed as 'Mother and child' and not evolved in to a Mother/Daughter respectful friendship, as I see my other friends have and I wish for. I can only guess, but I think it's because my mother hasn't let go at her end and has never wanted us to fail or 'stuff up', but I'm afraid it's inevitable in life and sometimes you just have to hope the work you've done in the past has paid off.. ( Insert father/daughter where applicable )

[Mrs Jak]

If she is at home, that makes it a bit trickier!

Does she have plans to move out on her own to raise her child, (if it happens) and is she responsible for paying her own way as an adult in your household?

I'd probably start giving her a gentle reality check now about how she will have to support and raise this child, not you guys..

[entreat]

A lot of people at 18 aren't ready to lock in to a career path and in my opinion, having children young can be a fantastic thing

But a career path is a lot less responsibility than a child! You can always change your career. If you don't like the course you're studying - change it. Don't like your job - get a different one. The doors are always open.

You cannot turn back from having a child. Yes, there are still many open doors for a career, but after watching my mum go through it - talk about the hardest way possible!

If she's not ready for job-life at 18yo, she's MILES away from from being ready for parent-life. Still living at home (at 18yo - that's fine, don't get me wrong there), but that's a really immature decision to make when you've never been out in the real world. At the moment she has a HUGE safety net of "mum's house". As it is, being 'home' for only 3 or 4 nights a week does not sound 'parent ready' in the slightest as I assume she's out enjoying the freedom of being an irresponsible 18yo (oh - those were the days!).

I don't think she knows how hard parenting (single or not) is, and what that would mean she has to change about her current lifestyle.