Advice please - My Lesbian Daughter wants a baby from her Gay male best friend

[Lulu]

Does it matter though? I think there are 2 things going on here - do you think you will be seen as unsupportive that she is gay if you don't agree to help her (or cheer her along - whatever) in this latest idea to have a baby?

Whats the rush for her? Have you asked? Has she any idea how she will support the child?

Welcome to Belly Belly by the way

Bloody hell, I was only just thinking that I'd be slightly lucky if my DD turns out to be a lady lover (it's looking a little bit that way ) cos I wouldn't have to worry about being a granny too early...aarrgh!

[fionas]

I was in love with a gay guy when I was 18 and if he'd topped his 'let's get married' with 'let's have a baby', I probably would have done because love really addles the brain. Luckily, I did neither.

Yes, some people make a conscious decision to have a baby young and it all works out for them. BUT, it looks like she may be taking such a big step to 1. Hold on to this guy in the hope that they'll then play happy families and 2.To avoid a career.

I wouldn't out and out be telling her it's a nuttso idea because that will put her offside. I'd be telling her that it's a big decision and it would be good for her to talk to other gay parents, other young parents, IVF counsellors etc. etc.

I'd also lay a little low on the career stuff. She may feel pressured to 'do something' with her life and this is pushing her towards having a baby too.

I know how frustrating it is when they seem directionless - my 16-year-old DSD is exactly the same. Luckily, we have an energetic toddler too which I think has put her off having kids for life because she can see how much hard work they are.

[Nurse27]

Hey there,

Sounds like a complicated situation...

Something that your daughter may need to consider is what happens if their friendship sours?

I have a friend who used a gay friend to help her conceive, all went well and a baby boy was born. Things cruised along without trouble until suddenly the gay donor friend decided that he and his new partner wanted to be parents also, and the whole thing ended up in court with a custody battle, and a judgement for 50-50 parenting.

[Aspire]

Sounds like a complicated situation...

Something that your daughter may need to consider is what happens if their friendship sours? ......... and the whole thing ended up in court with a custody battle, and a judgement for 50-50 parenting.

Had not thought of that point - How to get her to realise this is the problem - 18 year olds seem to know everything and do not take advice too easily.

BTW - Hope your treatment is successful

[kitty_kat_48]

Hi there,
Hope you don't mind me adding my thoughts in.....sorry it's very late! You may have sorted everything out by now, hopefully
My experience was quite different but sort of similar at the same time...... I am 22 now, but when I was 18 I was desperate to have a baby, and had been wanting to have one since I was 14. I knew that that was what I wanted for my life & it was all I could think about all the time, and I started trying to get pregnant with a great male friend of mine, who is heterosexual (I am a lesbian). When my mum found out about it she was furious at first, but started to accept it after a while I suppose. I started going through a clinic to try & get pregnant not long after that, and she was very supportive of me doing that. I know she never thought it was a "good idea" so to speak, but I guess she worked out how to try & support me if that's what I really wanted. In hindsight I am so glad it never worked out because my mum died when I was 19, and I never would have been able to cope with her death if I was trying to look after a baby too. So as I said, very different circumstances to yours & your daughters, but still similar
And I absolutely understand what you mean about 18 year olds thinking they know everything & not taking advice..... I was exactly the same. I was one of the most horrible teenagers you could possibly get, because I was really depressed for years, but my mum was always there for me. I think she must have been an angel! hehe.
Anyway, I hope you & your daughter are able to sort something out, and I know I probably haven't helped you, but I wanted to try & say that I can understand how your daughter might be feeling, but I can also understand a little bit of how you must be feeling about it all, so good luck!
Jess