Beginners here.. We have many questions!

[jessenna]

Hi there. We are Jess and Jenna, a new couple here .

We are in Sydney at the moment, but will be moving back to Perth in June. Since I was a young girl, I have known that I wanted to be a mother. I dont think that the fact that I am gay should be able to dictate whether I should be able to fulful this dream.

I have decided to begin researching the procedures and different measures of us becoming pregnant for future reference. I am 19, while Jess is 24, and so are not rushing into anything as yet, just hoping to gain an insight into other lesbian families, like we hope to have one day.

I have a few things I would like to know. I was wondering what the most leanient state is for same sex conception and parenting? Are WA and NSW on the same wave-length?

Jess and I have discussed how we would like to go about having a child/ren. I will be the mum to carry (i like the term tummy mummy!) I know that I would like to use an UNknown donor (personal preference), but would like to use the SAME donor for multiple children. I feel justified in this, that our children will be partly biologically related.
What I would like to know, is if it is possible for an UNknown donor to be contacted by the child if they wish to, when they are at a certain age? Or is an unknown donor just that, a donor? I worry that our child may wish to contact their "father" when they get to a certain age... Do you think having many male role models in their life would would affect this decision? Our child/ren would be around a lot of males.

I also have considered the fact that I would like to conceive with Jess's eggs as well as mine (same donor). How do we go about that procedure?

I would like to know from personal experience, if having a child who is not biologically yours, but the other mothers, means that the bond is not quite as intrinsically strong as with the egg mummy? I do believe love it what bonds, but just wondering about intrinsic connections with biological parent/s.

As I said, I have only just began to research methods such as these, I am a novice right now! So any information or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated :]
Sorry If i sound like a bit of a beginner, but have to start somewhere!

Thank you, Jen+Jess.

[Indadhanu]

What I would like to know, is if it is possible for an UNknown donor to be contacted by the child if they wish to, when they are at a certain age? Or is an unknown donor just that, a donor?

It is law in Australia that an unknown sperm donor needs to make himself contactable by any children concieved by his sperm once the children are 18 years old. I'm pretty sure it is Australian law. We are in QLD, and used an unknown donor, and thats how it works for us. We are happy with that as of course if Jazz wants to meet the wonderful man who donated his sperm to create her then that is fine, and actually I'd love to say thank you as he has given us the most precious gift of all!

I don't think having male role models will make any difference to a child wanting to contact their sperm donor. I think it's more about knowing their 'biology' than wanting a role model. We'll be making sure Jazz is very aware that this person is not her father, and will likely not want to be a father figure or role model, which is why he become an unknown sperm donor, rather than a known donor.

As for using the same donor, make sure you speak to your clinic. We wanted to use the same donor but unfortunately it is not possible, our donor is not available anymore which is a real shame. Not a huge issue for us though, we weren't very strong in our conviction to have a completely biological family. But if you are you need to make sure the clinic you choose leaves that option open to you.

Using your partners egg in your body could come under a few different laws depending on how you clinic categorise it. it could be classed as known egg donation, or it could be classed as surrogacy. I am not sure about WA but I know a few states, including QLD, have passed surrogacy laws recently making it legal. It's really something you'll have to chat with your clinic about as I'm not really sure. We considered it but decided the whole process was over-the-top for us. We probably would have looked at it deeper had we had more trouble conceiving, but we managed relatively easily after four cycles of IUI.

I would like to know from personal experience, if having a child who is not biologically yours, but the other mothers, means that the bond is not quite as intrinsically strong as with the egg mummy? I do believe love it what bonds, but just wondering about intrinsic connections with biological parent/s.

I asked my partner, and she said that she can't answer because firstly, she doesn't know how I feel towards Jazz to compare if its the same or different, and secondly she doesnt have any biological kids to know if the bond is stronger for bio and non-bio kids. But she also said she feels a bond that is very strong. And from my point of view, I often see her gazing at Jazz with that smile and immense love and pride in her eyes and I know she feels a mothers love for Jazz. Most people say that the bond will be different, and of course it is a little bit, but not necessarily less.
Anyone who knows us will also be able to confirm this, but Jazz has an obvious and almost equal bond with Shel and myself. The bond between myself and Jazz is a bit different i suppose because Shel worked full-time for 18 months and I was at home with her. I think her bond with Shel would be different had I worked full-time and she been at home with her.

Anyway I'm just going on now. I could write an essay on bonding and bio/non-bio parents.

Hope this post helps you

[leelou]

I just wanted to say a big thanks to Jen and Leasha for your posts. My partner and I are just starting the IUI process and Lou will be the tummy mummy. I know that our children are going to be ours and I know that I am born to be a mummy, but I have worried that I might feel like I'm not as involved as Lou. It's really nice to see that I'm not the only person that has thought about these things.

I have always wanted to be a mum and can't wait to see my beautiful girl with a big baby belly, and to go through the whole process together. It's sooo exciting

Thank you for all being here. It's so comforting to read these posts.

[Beth-n-Sara]

Hi Jess and Jenna.
And welcome to Belly Belly.

I think WA and NSW are both good states to be in when it comes to conception and parenting (Access to fertility services and having both Mums on the birth certificate- things like that) Although most of Australia is catching up. I think the only states you DON'T want to be in are SA and NT.

Its worth considering that some fertility clinics have waiting lists for donor sperm (up to two years) so its probably a good idea to contact your local clinics sooner rather than later just in case.

Good luck with everything.