I have a friend who is willing to be my sperm donor.. I dnt want him to feel like he has to be apart of my childs life.. Im not being selfish or anything i just dnt want him to try and take my child away frm me.. Am i wrong for not wanting him in my childs life?? It would be nice for him to be the god-father and thats about it.. Wen my child is growing up wat will i tell my child??? How could i explain that to my child..?? Do u think my child will hate me for wat i did?? How do i go about planning for the future.. ???
Help!!!
Am i thinkin to much into this???
I'm not in your position but there are other beautiful ladies here who will be able to give wonderful advice.
However, my input is ask the man willing to be a sperm donor, what does he want? Communication is a wonderful thing. Formalise your agreement so talk to a solicitor/lawyer about what is required.
I think your child will love that his/her mother wanted him so badly that they were willing to do whatever it took to have them. It would be even better if they knew who their father is so if they have questions about that side of the family, then they can get the answers.
Finally, follow your instincts. If they say no, this doesn't feel right for whatever reason (i.e. you are not sure the man will stick to the agreement etc), then wait for a better time or if possible, go to a sperm bank.
If you choose to have this friend donate for you, assuming you establish roles that you are both happy with etc etc, think of the issue of the child knowing like this - you cannot keep it a secret forever... these things always have a way of slipping out. How do you think a 16 year old would react to finding out about this 'lie by omission'? An 8yr old?? How about a 2 year old... you can see that they younger they are, the better they take things like this in their stride... I plan to explain to my son as soon as he is old enough to understand, with age-appropriate terms, how it is that he just has a mummy. I don't want to be accused of lying when he gets older.
i have absolutely no experience in this area so im just giving a bystanders opinion (hope thats alright)
I always try to imagine how i would feel about something in order to determine the best course. We humans are all very curious about where we came from, thats generally the number one thing we begin to think about. So with that in mind you should expect that at some stage of your childs life, its going to want to know.
I would also take into consideration what it will be like to be a child at school with friends who are all talking about their fathers, being picked up from school by their fathers, doing things with their fathers etc, but not being able to explain about my own father because of not knowing who he is. I can imagine that I would feel pretty left out and maybe even a bit embarrased about it.
So If i was in your postion, i'd either try to find a close family member or friend who might be willing to act as a father 'figure' in the childs life so that they dont miss out on having that male influence in their life...perhaps an uncle, brother or a cousin.
The other alternative is to establish what sort of relationship your donor friend might 'want' to have in the childs life (if any) and see if you can come to an agreement about him having some involvement. I have no idea on how a donor man might think in terms of the child so perhaps its something to find out.
I don't think you are overthinking this. I think you need to give it alot more thought.
You need to make it very clear what you do and don't want. It might not even be 'fair' to ask him to donate for a baby but have nothing to do with it. However he may be happy with it this way. Make it clear. Get it in writing or legalised in some way.
If the only reason you don't want him to be in the childs life is in case 'he takes the child away' you need to stop and get a bit real. No one can take the child away from you (unless it's docs and you do something terrible). You don't own a child in any case, they need as many people around them that love them that is humanly possible.
However if he takes the role of god parent so to speak you may well find he might want a bigger role. I imagine it might be hard to see a child growing, knowing that it has half your DNA and even looks like you - and be expected to take a back seat.
And even if he did want a bigger part in the childs life - why would that be so bad?
I think you need to be very careful what your own motives are here, and if you are even being realistic.
hi
we also used a friend as our sperm donor, my advice is make sure you are very detailed in what you both want out of it and both sign a stat dec stating this. Although it isnt a totally deal breaker if it ever went to court it would go in your favour, as he cant actually give his parental rights to a female Our donor at first agreed with everything we said he didnt want to be a dad, wanted to be uncle figure, no child support, (we didnt want any of that either) we also said he had no input into any parenting decisions which he happily agreed with. when our daughter was born he came to visit began to tell us he told all his friends he was called daddy wanted to take her to meet his family on holidays what she should and shouldnt be eating drinking ect after alot of tongue biting we held our breaths and thought what have we done!!! when alone we spoke about the best way to approach this after he left, we decided maybe it was an ego thing and began to keep note of any gifts he gave her, the amount of times he rang, and if he actually asked about her so if it became ugly and we needed proof that his input has only been of a donor. needless to say we dont have much written down yet and our little girl is one and a half!! We totally understand that it was easy at the start to say yes you dont want anything when the little person isnt actually here and of course when he saw her and knew she was part of him it would be hard for anyone to walk away. She will know that he is her biological father and if she wants to call him Dad it will be because she wants to do it not because anyone has prompted her to do it. We are started to try for another baby with the same donor and now that everyone know where they stand fingers crossed it will be all smooth sailing!!! good luck
Should the child know who the father is?
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Our donor at first agreed with everything we said he didnt want to be a dad, wanted to be uncle figure, no child support, (we didnt want any of that either) we also said he had no input into any parenting decisions which he happily agreed with. when our daughter was born he came to visit began to tell us he told all his friends he was called daddy wanted to take her to meet his family on holidays what she should and shouldnt be eating drinking ect 
after alot of tongue biting we held our breaths and thought what have we done!!! when alone we spoke about the best way to approach this after he left, we decided maybe it was an ego thing and began to keep note of any gifts he gave her, the amount of times he rang, and if he actually asked about her so if it became ugly and we needed proof that his input has only been of a donor. needless to say we dont have much written down yet and our little girl is one and a half!! We totally understand that it was easy at the start to say yes you dont want anything when the little person isnt actually here and of course when he saw her and knew she was part of him it would be hard for anyone to walk away. She will know that he is her biological father and if she wants to call him Dad it will be because she wants to do it not because anyone has prompted her to do it. We are started to try for another baby with the same donor and now that everyone know where they stand fingers crossed it will be all smooth sailing!!! good luck 
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