I am always happy to be asked any question and would say if i did not fell comfortable answering....the short answer is that, unfortunately it was enforced. Despite my ex and being very clear (I thought!) that the children we were having had two parents (her and me)- this all changed when I left the relationship. She was very angry that I was leaving and tried to use the children to punish me. I thought long and hard re. going to court and seriously considered not doing so. This would have meant walking out on my children and this just was not fair to them. I thought that if the children would be better off with just her then I could deal with my own grief but I (and others) truly believed that the children were better off with both parents in their lives (which was all they had ever known). Hence, we ended up in the family court. I knew with out this she would not let the children see me. After I told her I was leaving I stayed in the same house until the family court date (one month) so the children still had both of us in their lives. We first went to court on 20/12/04 and we were granted joint interim custody, with the children spending half time with each of us. Family court, mediation, psychological family assessments etc continued until November 2006 when we went to trial. I was extremely surprised (as was my lawyer) when the family assessment done by an independent psychologist recommended full residency to me! However, I was concerned that this would make my ex even angrier and that it would be the children who would suffer most and so I asked for a joint arrangement, while she was asking for full custody for her. we started the trial and she was representing herself (which was horrible as she cross examined me in the witness box). Anyway, half way through what was to be a ten day trial she agreed to settle and the week about arrangement. I think it works reasonably well, the boys have two established homes and seem to cope well with the transitions, the main problem is that she is STILL angry which got worse when I met my current partner. This was a long winded answer to your question, hope it makes sense, DRGirl