It's been quite some time since I have been in here.. so I thought id catch up with you all and it was a pleasant suprise to see new family makers coming in. So hi to all of you *waves. My Dp and I are looking at starting a family once the majority of our renovations are completed including a new house that is being built on our property! LOL ill be a great Aunt by then, im sure :/
Anyway, we have tossed around the idea of fostering versus bio. We would both really love to have our own child and for that child to be genetically connected to both of us, and after many rounds of conversations, nutting it out, we eventually decided that it was only possible for me to be genetically linked. Now this may not seem like a *big* issue to some, but for Dp it pretty much resembles the het couples who cant concieve due to the male having low sperm count or not at all. So the pyschological and emotional impact this has on the Dp in any situation is not to be just looked over like yep, thats great, sorry cant do that, lets move on. It has to be worked through, analysed and eventualy accepted. And frankly its not an acceptance that comes easily. But, it is nevertheless something that cant be avoided, so in saying all that and working through it we considered fostering, as this would mean we would both be linked evenly to the child/ren. We are the caring sharing type women who for example have adopted many animals due to neglect, so we would naturally be open to the whole *fostering idea. Only 1 problem with it, we still have all the animals we ever took on because we cant stand the idea of giving back or passing on the animal just in case it happens all over again. So by now, you prolly have an idea of what would happen if we took on children with family issues, whatever the issues, we would no doubt have *huge* issues ourselves in returning the children to where they came from :/ LOL is this sounding like a days of our lives episode yet?
Many many things to consider and those are just a cpl of things we have discussed and worked through. So after deciding we couldnt bare the thought of doing that we returned to the most logical place, where we had come from, making our own family. We have considered anonymous from a clinic as well as known and at home. Right now, we are sticking with known and at home because we want the experience to be as *normal* as possible. As far as the genetics go, Dp will have so much influence on our child that the environmental componant should override any genetic link whatsoever, lol actually im a tad frightened about the 2 of them ganging up on me (joking) so, I fancy that the bond that Dp will share with our child will counteract any missing genetics. I guess when we think of that I think of the fact that I never new my bio dad and I wouldnt know him if I bumped into him, the only father I really had was my stepdad who wasnt genetically linked but who created a bond with me as my protector and guardian, and to this day although he stepped out of my life when I was young, I still consider him my dad. So the environmental impact and emotional bond Dp will share will no doubt be amazing and wonderful to experience and watch grow. In saying that, Dp will not be the father but the wise role model, protector and guardian that I know any child would hope to have. We do know the donor and therefore we know the genetics which is important for us because we would want our child to know its heritage, the donor will take on the *uncle* role within our family and come the time when our child questions his/her place in the world, we will be honest and open about where that is. That will be more than what I recieved when I was growing up.
So I do believe we have nutted it out but I am sure there are some things that we will face as time goes on. Gosh I hope im not boring you all with my story The whole parenting order process will be sorted, really a step closer to having Dp recognised as having and sharing an equal role in the upbringing and care of our child. It is unfortunate that Dp's name cant be shared with mine on the certificate, but Dp will be submitting the paperwork and therefore at least being noted as having a role in the life of our child. Its a little disheartening to see that us as a society and a government are still so far behind with acceptance of *different* families, we speak it and see it everyday of our lives yet we cant move to finalise or accept on paper that this is what life is now, different. Pathetic really, so I live with the deep acceptance that our family will be open and loving to each other regardless of the external rubbish that is our society. As far as legalities go, we will be consulting with a family lawyer and sorting wills etc out, this is important for our family to know that our future is secure whatever the outcome. So, I guess thats my story and although we wont be ttc for awhile yet (im 33, so we have to get this started soon life will be ready to create life when the time is right for us. We do have a rough idea of when we would like to start and that will be around the end of the year, I need to start getting fit and eating well, start saving, stop smoking etc etc.. Im getting excited, I bought a cpl of flannelette shirts 000 to make Dp smile ) and she did. Dp wears flanos daily because of what she does for work, so it was really nice to see the grin on her face.. Little things like that make my heart skip and allow me reason to believe that we have chosen the best path for our future as a family.. ahhh life is grand )
thankyou all for reading our story if you managed to survive the length of it!!

take care
D&M