Aspergers in Adults - A place to chat

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Maybe I have AS as well No wonder we're having so many issues!

[~Trish~]

You are making me suspicious of you Keike

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

It is a spectrum - everyone has some aspie traits. But there's only a part of the spectrum that is considered "aspie" - yah boo sucks to the rest of you who just wish you were aspie. I can't imagine seeing the world as a "normal" person - even if it turns out my brain isn't aspie, it isn't normal either. Most children aren't aspie, yet love watching the same film over and over. It is comforting to know what is happening and gives you a feeling of control in a world that is not in your control. (Actually, it doesn't do that for me, that's just the theory. I get angry seeing people make mistakes, even when the plot demands it. DH does have to point out to me some things are plot-driven and it would be a very short film if everyone did things properly as I tell them to.)

Does anyone know - are there any benefits to a diagnosis?

[meow]

Does anyone know - are there any benefits to a diagnosis?

As far as I know, just access to funding and resources. My BIL has Aspergers and he gets a disability pension. He's fairly high functioning so he keeps getting put in government paid education courses to try and make him more employable but it doesn't really seem to get anywhere beyond that.

Your comments about your literal daughter reminded me of a computer programmer joke my husband told me. I think you could easily replace computer programmer with Aspergers... A woman says to her Aspergers husband, "Can you go to the shoop and get a litre of mik? And if they have eggs, get a dozen." Th man returns with 12 litres of milk.

[RainbowBrite]

Does anyone else worry about the effect of their 'quirks' may have on their kids?
I am not like other mums...as I have said before my social ineptitude can be quite debilitating.
I have never been one for chatting at the school, coffee mornings or being on the P&C or other groups...just the thought of walking into a meeting in a strange room with people I don't know is anxiety inducing....I would have to go over and over the scenario in my head and know exactly how to get there to even contemplate going....even just picking up the kids can be daunting....a mum might talk to me and I won't know what to say or if I say the right thing.
I also have a bad telephone fear/phobia...it takes me a lot to make a phone call...I will put it off and put it off going over the call in my head many times...many time I don't/can't make the call.
This is hard for my kids to understand when they give me a friends mums number to call...they don't understand that such a small thing for most is something very scary for me.
My older kids (or XDH when he was here) make some phone calls...I haven't talked about how hard it is but they have learnt over the years.
I wish more than anything I wasn't like this and I was like other mums.
How do others get by with this?

[~Trish~]

Wow RainbowBrite, I have the exact same phobia about phone calls! I am exactly the same and will put it off and off and sometimes never ring in the end. I also haven't joined in with the parents & friends group at DS1's school because I find it so daunting to walk into a place not knowing anyone, nor what to expect.

I'm actually pretty social and will chat to other mums as I stand around waiting, but I find it easier to do that because it's on my terms ITMS?

I'm sure you are doing a brilliant job, your kids will learn ways around the way you do things. They may even make those phone calls for you one day .

Do you happen to break into a sweat when you have to fill out a form? I have major anxiety over forms! (Sorry, completely unrelated question .

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

No, DS isn't hampered by me. Although he is a lot more sociaable than me - and I'm realising that he doesn't need as much alone time as I do and I am not enjoying that, I was waiting for alone time to kick in!

Sociability - my friends, the few I have, value my "bluntness" and my take on things. I don't have lots of friends. Most of my closest friends have a Germanic heritage - they seem to have a culture that takes Aspies in their stride and it isn't a social minefield. They don't say "come over!" if they don't want you to. They change the subject when you bore them. It's so easy! I don't worry about saying the "right" thing, but have to remind myself that other people want to like me, they are not being stupid/saying the wrong thing just to annoy me. They're trying to be nice. Knowing that makes socialising a little easier. Yes, DS would like to do more with his friends but we do what we can - including taking him to the park and not getting involved socially with the mothers of the children he meets there and plays with.

As for phone calls - I prefer to text. Can you do that?

I don't wish I were more like other mums. I wish they were like me so we could live in a utopian society.

[Sibbie]

Sorry I've been MIA - Lots of personal craptastic stuff going on. I've been meaning to post some links and to get some book recommendations from my mother dearest but everything else has been crowding that out so far!

So just a quick one from me - I apologise, I haven't read most of the replies to this thread sorry. I wanted to share something for people that have partners with Asperger's... There is a disorder called "Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder", Maxine Easton (google! She has her own site, but I can't link it cos she's selling her books etc on there). It's very interesting to look into.

The other little interesting thought I wanted to share was that they are apparently changing the diagnosis criteria next year - there will no longer technically be Asperger's - it will all come under Autism. Which I personally think is brilliant. So many people (Dr's included) see Autism at the highest end of the spectrum... no language, excessive ticks etc etc... but to be able to label Asperger's as (High Functioning) Autism I think will help many aspie adults in the world to get better help from health professionals and also greater support from people in general. Just my little thought I've been mulling over after chatting with my Mum about it the other day.

I think someone mentioned getting diagnosed etc? Just thought I would mention my Step Dad is in the process of getting his diagnosis, just so he can be covered with certain things to do with work - eg. to work through the levels at his job they have someone come out and assess them completing certain tasks... my SD sometimes needs a longer amount of time to understand questions (verbal/communication delays etc) and the assessors aren't always understanding. So therefore the need for him getting his diagnosis - basically to cover his own butt... if anything comes up and he needs that extra moving room, he has the reason why on paper. It's worth looking into if you have been having issues with stuff like that - can definitely help "back you up" in a sense.

Anyway I have typed this reply super dooper quick as I should be getting ready to go out!!! But I'll try and pop in soon with a book list of some sort for those interested. Ooh as a starting point, have a read of the John Elder Robinson books - "Look me in the Eye" is a brilliant insight into his aspie life, and he has just written another one (can't remember it's name) but my stepdad is reading it at the moment and loving it... he described it as a "how to guide" from aspie to aspie" lol.

Anyway really gotta go!! lol

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Sibbie, you're blowing my mind! I really do feel crazy, out of control sometimes - I know I'm being ridiculous, but I can't seem to stop myself, I just want some affection dammit! Haha, writing this, I've just realised that a couple we know are probably going through the same thing, she has a lot of mysterious 'illnesses' because he gives her the attention she craves when she's 'sick'. So many things, falling into place.

I wrote a blog post about AS and marriage, and just checked my twitter and found that people have been retweeting it, I was even mentioned in an AS daily online newspaper!

So, how's everyone going? LOL, my FIL would say 'by car'

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

After doing research (wow, there's a shocker: an Aspie doing research!) I've decided not to pursue a diagnosis. There have been recent cases in the UK of parents having their children taken from them because they are diagnosed as Aspie: I am not having that happen. Also, it would mean I would be pretty unemployable in my chosen field of work.

Keike, I hope you don't mind me replying a bit to your blog here. I'm pretty sure DH ticks AS boxes, sometimes more so than me. But he won't answer questions usually, so I have to work on observed behaviour and patterns. Not easy, but he is pretty Aspie too. And time apart is a needed must for both of us: your Professor won't have been upset you need time away from him, for him it is probably normal to want to spend time away from loved ones. I end up telling the Ambassador that I need a cuddle and a compliment now, so he better give me them. It works, usually.

Another point is that DS certainly does not have Aspergers. Not in any way, shape or form. It is quite frustrating for me, as he doesn't require time alone nor is he a mini-me. But we cope with it.

Going by car? I'll be walking as fuel prices are horrendous.