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MD, been off-line a bit but have been thinking of you. Consider me one of the virtual hand--holders when you tell people, especially H - I can't think of much harder that. At least after Monday your mind can be still, you will be C-free which can only be a huge weight lifted.
I am so glad the lymph lump was nothing sinister, I feel a run of good news coming your way.
Aw thanks ladies - love the toast, Ange! *hic*
Better catch those finger buns while you can PP, I think they're only selling them until mother's day! Love that N's got my back, little darling that he is!
Thanks for the hand-holding and the toast-joining...the news-breaking began yesterday. My stepmum & dad were just crushed. It went as well as it could but was every bit as horrible as I imagined. I felt much 'lighter' afterwards, but only because I passed my burden onto someone else.
It's a big step for me to even do that, normally I'm MD the invincible who has to cope with everything by herself. They both silently freaked out about the superbug at the RAH until I finally thought to say that it'll be nowhere near where I am. Now I have to tell my mother, that'll be a whole new can of drama right there. :(
Told H this morning. We sat down with a chai latte and a box of chocolates and just went for it. I thought of all my long-distance hand holders and took a deep breath and started. LUCKILY they had the Can-Teen puppets at school earlier this year. I had *completely* forgotten, but it meant that H was pretty philosophical about it all. OMG I can't tell you how grateful I am that they paved the way for me by dispelling all the cancer myths and talking about the survivors (instead of that big fear we all have that Cancer Means You Are Going To Die). We then did distraction therapy this afternoon with shopping (new winter clothes) and a movie...I'm sure there will be some fall out in the days to come but we will get lots of family time because it's still school hols here. And really, that's all I can do.
I am feeling a bit scared myself today. Having people around me freaking out kinda reinforces that it really is a bit of a scary situation. So I've got to get zen again. Focus on the now.
On the downer, found three job ads this morning that I would ACE...if I was looking for work now. :(
On the bright side, someone told me about this hair salon a few weeks ago...I had a good feeling when they were talking about it. So I drove up and down that road this morning looking in all the windows until I found it (couldn't remember the name). Turns out there is a stylist there whose sister had some breezy-headed time last year, so she is going to do my hair for me, this week (for family photos), then before chemo, and then again if it starts falling out (buzzcut LOL). They are way funky in there so I will be stylish throughout. :D
OMG MD I must be hiding under a rock sometimes I swear. :rolleyes:
You sound like you are well and truly on top of this mentally (most of the time) and it won't be long I'm sure before you're on top of it physically as well.
Add my hands to the giant cyber-circle of friends holding it together with you. :hug:
Hi Md - I'm so glad that your beautiful Miss H made your difficult task so much easier. I have a feeling she takes after her Mummy ;)
One of my close friends ( you may have seen her post after you on fb) also had to deal with a lump in her breast last year. It was difficult for her to share the news with everyone as well. She generally keeps everything to herself until after the fact. (she has a rare tumor producing disease) I think she saw how upset people were getting when she told them later. We all wanted to be there for her. Anyhoo, I'm so glad that you have told most of your fam. Hope everything goes well with your Mum.
Those job advertisements have probably been put in the paper to tease you ;). There'll be an even better one waiting for you when you're ready i'm sure.
Way to go on getting a funky hairdresser.
love ya
Bionic Lady of the Ample Bosom, I dips me lid...
XOXOXOXOXO
before you buzz cut - go dye your hair a MILLION funky colours!!!!!!!!! c'mon you know you want to do that ...... ;)
love you babe & sending strength!
Nothing makes me feel better and more positive than funky great new hair. So, I am so pleased you can now face this in style!!!
As for sharing with the familty... And feeling the need to remain strong, it is not easy, but please remember you can draw on our strength when ever you need it. xo
oh MD it must be really hard to tell people - their reactions are just bc they love you so very very much. I am so glad that H made it easier for you, what a special girl she is - def a product of you my dear! the distraction theory sounds fabulous... and I LOVE the sound of your new hairdresser...
Hmm will pop out for another pinkie later today.
MD - glad that telling H went well, she's a great little girl you've got there.
Funky hair cut sounds awesome - especially lots of different colours!!
xoxoxox
I second that H def takes after her mum in the positive spirit stakes! and don't worry, if there is a fall out in the next couple of days you and DH will be there for her. xx
I guess for the ppl that you are telling it is a whole lot of news all at once; where you have known for a little bit and have had some journey of exploration to find out what it is etc., for them, it is straight up. so it may seem like they are not going to cope, but i reckon with time and with their own bit of exploration they will be your rock and pillars of strength.
lots of love and squishy hugs
clare
Thinking of you Marydean ... & sending you extra big heartfelt wishes for tomorrow :hug:
... only thing i can say to you for now is - Wow, lovely lady you have a ton of people whom care about you in a big way right here ... yep, 12 pages & counting ;)
We are ALL gonna be with you in spirit tomorrow ... now that's a lot of people :D
:loveshower: Love & hugs from Lorelle (& lil Cendrine) xox
Wow on the telling Miss H, and the hairdresser! And telling people!
You're a marvel, young lady, and you have a huge support group here just for you.
PMSL at Lulu's comment about bionic lady!! !
Thank you ladies. I will be thinking of all that support during those freaky moments when they wheel me into the theater before they give me the good stuff to send me off to lala zone. xxx.
xxxxxxx MD
hey babe! thinking of you today and hoping that you are doing well and the op is over before you know it.
Luv,
Clare
xx
Ive only just found this thread....all the best in everything....your one very brave chicky :hug:
**BREAKING NEWS**
My lovely (and it turns out world-class international specialist) surgeon rang this morning to tell my results. Essentially they are good. But with a bitter sting in its tail.
The GOOD news is - they found only Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, which is called "early breast cancer" but is technically NON-CANCEROUS. :clap: :cheer: :happyforyou: This is the thing I was most hoping to hear. It is the best possible news. It should be the cause for much rejoicing.
BUT...it seems I have to pay the ferryman. He charges a high price.
The BAD news is - the DCIS was found in a large area, they did not get clear margins, and it is high grade (ie fast growing). This means that they are recommending a total mastectomy of that breast.
This is the thing I most feared to hear.
Out of all the possible results that I imagined in the last 48 hours, it did not occur to me that I may get the best possible news all wrapped up with the thing I feared the most. It feels like I'm on some sort of mythical journey.
Anyway, in the short term, it means that I do not have to face another round of surgery before chemo (for the lymphoma) starts in a couple of weeks. Which is a huge relief. It also means that I probably won't have to have radiotherapy at all. Instead, waiting for me like some sort of grotesque prize for completing chemo will be the mastectomy. I'm hoping (probably stupidly) that they can do the reconstruction at the same time, but I suspect that is unrealistic.
Mostly I just feel bummed cos I was so g*ddammed pleased with how good my newly-partially-mastectomied breast looks. Seems like a bit of a waste of good handiwork.
Anyway, when all is said and done, a breast is a small price to pay for a long and healthy life.
:hug: on the loss of your breast. But :cheer: on the non-cancerous results - MD, that's by far the best thing we could hear from you!
All the best for the treatment and your recovery from here.
oh md.. its so good that its non cancerous. awful to hear about having to have a full mastectomy but they do amazing reconstructions these days. i will be sending you lots of positive energy for you future surgery and chemo.. your story is inspirational. you are an amazing woman to share this with all of us as you go through this journey. thank you.
wow.
that is just really intense news! I am doing flips and dances for you that the blimey thing was non-cancerous! :dance::dance: but darn it, what a stick that it means another op. in all honesty i just can't say much on the mastectomy, i have zero idea of what it must be like to face that. i guess, like you said, when it is the key to leading the healthy and long-lived life it is sooo worth it. have they given you info on what to expect with a full mastectomy in the post-op period?
hope you're holding up okay sista.
xxxxxx
Md - I'm feeling for you here my dear friend. My mum has been through what you're about to face, and it's tough while you're going through it - but you're right it's a small price to pay for life - and your beautiful children and your wonderful husband will be so happy knowing that you'll be with them for many many more years. ( and us too :) )
:hug: Thanks for updating us here MD. I am so glad you got the best case senario result, however I am sad that you have to go through having a mastectomy on top of all the other treatment etc. I have every confidence that'll you'll not only cope but you'll conquer all with flying colours. My prayers are with my lovely
MD, I can't imagine what is swirling in your head atm with a good and bad bomb dropped on you.
Although I am not in the situation so I can't be sure, I would say that a breast for a long healthy life would be a good compromise. I really hope they can do the reconstruction at the same time or shortly after.
As for the lab results, YAY!!! This is the news I have been waiting to hear. I am so happy for you!
Thanks everyone. It has been a hard one to swallow.
I'm actually feeling pretty devastated. I think I've cried harder today than I have any other day since this thread started. It is a total mind **** to hear in the one breath "it is not cancerous" and in the next "we will need to do a mastectomy". It's just about as loopy as having chemo for lymphoma of which there is actually no current medical proof in my body (apart from the bit they removed).
I suspect I have a bit of anger to get through about the delay in my diagnosis before I can be completely at peace with the path that lies ahead of me. But as Maya Angelou said "Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean." So it will be a good thing for me to process.
Excellent news on the non cancerous results....:hug: on the news of loosing a breast. Keep strong and head held high... :)
Hun - The fact that is not cancer is great but precancer is not. A mastectomy at this stage is more about prevention than cure because of the size of the precancer. This has been caught very early hun, and although it is an absolute ***** it is not likely to be a life sentence, which is a great thing. Treating it agressively before it becomes agressive means you will be in total remission before you know it, and we all want you in remission fast!
Have you considered looking at chicken fillets for the period between mastectomy and reconstruction? I dont think they will do reconstruction immediately, incase they need to go in again for more treatment, but because you will be in remission pretty darn quick it won't be too long.
If there is anything you need babe, let us know :hug:
MD - I don't have anything wise to say - but just wanted to say that its ok to feel angry and to let as much of that anger out as possible. Even if you just want to ring a total stranger (ie me) and yell down the phone to release it - I can let you do that :)
We're all here holding your hand along this journey, and I hope you feel our warmth, love and support and feel a little less alone.
:hug:
MD so glad it is NOT cancer, what a fab result and totally the best news you could get.
The other news - well not so good and you should let out ALL your anger/upset as much as you need to. it is part of your healing.
thinking of you. xxx
MD- I am so happy for you that its not cancer and am sorry to hear about your loss of your new boobi but I am sure the next one will be even better. :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
Aaaw, Leanne, thanks honey, I know the spirit that you said it in :hug: but I've got to set you straight. The new boob will NOT be better. It will be a lump of flesh with no nipple and not a lot of sensation, designed to make my chest look 'normal' (ish) under clothing but nothing else. It will probably have several visible scars running across it, and may or may not change size appropriately if I lose or gain weight at all over the next how-many-decades-of-my-life. There are pictures here and here, if anyone reading is interested. The nipples you see have been tattood on.
Also, while I'm am on a setting-people-straight rampage (sorry!) - Ali, I can feel the love in your post, but I cringe every time I read the word 'remission'. I'm going for a CURE. This is the difference:
Remission: "When there is no evidence of disease in the body" (technically, I'm there now, even tho it could be lurking, brewing and growing right at this minute)!
Cure: "This means there is no evidence of disease and no sign of the disease reappearing, even many years later."
You are quite right, I won't know I have the cure until after the fact, and remission is the first step towards getting there, but a CURE is what I'm creating in my body. xxx
ETA - I'm sorry if i sound ungracious. I really do appreciate every word everyone has written and the love and support and energy that comes with it. xxx
Hey MD - I'm running with you for a cure lovely.
Why is there no emoticon of a determined face with big muscular arms??
:strength: here for you MD :)
We are so proud of your amazing spirit!
Breast reconstruction must be so confronting for you, the process and results do seem no where near good enough! I hope you can find the procedure that will work best for you and as the scars fade I hope that the result although far from perfect, will indeed be a better trade off for your cure
:comfort: and :grouphug: and :strength: still flowing!
xxx
hey babe,
I've been checking out the breast health website (aus site) and they reckon reconstruction can be done as part of the mastectomy op... i guess this will have to with what your surgeon and head honcho recommend though...
sending you buckets of love sista.
xx
:dance: on the no cancer
:hug: on the mastectomy
Clare I think I read that website too. I'm really really hoping I can get it all done at once. Plus it means they can preserve more skin that way too. From everything I have read I am an ideal candidate to get it done in one big smackeroony and I will be asking about this at my appt tomorrow.
Limey, I looooooove your :strength: emoticon! I'm gonna use it now ;).
:grouphug: ladies
it was my thought exactly that you would be a good candidate! you lead a good lifestyle etc etc. part of why it caught my attention and all that jazz.
Ok MD - For everyone reading my post from before - replace 'remission' with 'CURE'!!!
If you need me to do my doctor bashing routine I can do it after I have dealt with my doctor ;)
I do hope this is the case for you!:
If they can't do the reconstruction at the same time, could you at least get them to retain the nipple for fixing up later? It seems crazy to me that they do a neat nip/tuck for the partial mastectomy and then just go completely Deadwood if you need the whole thing removed!
Best of luck at the appointment, I so hope that they will do it all at once for you.